Page 61 of Lightness In My Dark

I cleared my throat and then regarded her. “It’s about…” I lowered my voice. “Sex.”

A broad smile lit her face. “I’m okay with that, Wren.” She leaned forward, and in a hushed tone, asked, “Are you a virgin?”

A knot lodged in my throat. I shook my head. “I was with one guy a long time ago.”

Lindsey scooted back. A signal to continue. “When I was eighteen-years old, I dated a guy for about a month. It didn’t turn out well, so I’ve avoided dating and sex since.”

She angled her head to the side. “Did he hurt you?”

“Yes. Now… with Finn… I’m worried about not knowing what to do.” My lap helped me gather the discomfort. “He’s so experienced. It’s tough enough being in his presence. I’m turned on by him, everything about him, to where I wouldn’t mind being intimate with him before the wedding.”

The beauty of Lindsey was she absorbed the kernels of conversation—she listened—a rare trait in my experience. I waited for her to respond by observing the people in the restaurant. We were in a more secluded area.

She folded her arms on the table. “I’ll tell you what I know. Finn has an insatiable appetite for sex. He loves it but can’t commit to anyone. Like I told you on Thanksgiving, he not only doesn’t commit, going on a date is foreign to him. I’ve tried to find out why he’s so shut off, especially when he’s so caring toward Cole, Carter, and me, but Carter isn’t sure himself. He assumes it has something to do with the loss of their parents.”

I understood why Finn was the way he was in the early stages of our relationship. He embraced an abrasive behavior as a protective shield. After he divulged his molestation and assault, it all made sense. He made sense. It was also the reason he struggled with intimacy.

“You’re in his life now and I’ve seen a change in him. The way he acts around you. The way he talks about you. Bragging is more like it when it comes to your singing. His aversion toward sentiments isn’t so intense. I can see you worked out the earlier issues.”

“Yeah, things are great between us.”

“What I’m trying to say, not so well, is Finn would be different with you. You’re not just a fuck to him. You’re much more than that, which means he’ll be nervous about it as well. If you were to become sexually involved, my hunch is Finn would let go of whatever is holding him back.”

He has changed, but would he sacrifice the safety of his heart for me?

“Thanks, Lindsey. I appreciate your honesty and letting me talk about an uncomfortable subject.”

She shook her head with a grin. “That’s what girlfriends are for, to discuss their men.”

We laughed, and I grew still. “May I ask you something personal?”

“Sure.”

“How was it the night of your wedding?”

Her face bloomed red. “You want to know how Carter is in bed?”

My hand flew to my mouth. “No, no. I mean, with the other thing.” Lindsey frowned at the misunderstanding. “The other thing... the witnesses.”

“The what?”

I checked the nearby booths, which remained empty, and reclined forward. “Finn said we had to consummate on our wedding night with witnesses. How did you…”

She clamped her mouth shut, shoulders jiggling to control her laughter. Lindsey burst out with a roar, so hard tears leaked from her eyes, and her arms hugged her stomach. I closed my mouth. A small smile formed at seeing her laugh.

When she calmed, she said, “I can’t believe he told you that.” Further outbursts escaped. “There are no witnesses, Wren. He must have been messing with you.” She angled closer. “Is it in the contract?”

“Uh, no, he said it. I mentioned witnesses weren’t in the contract, and he said he’d add it in, yet I didn’t sign another one.”

I thought back to the day. How cocky he was toward me, so sure of himself. It dawned on me that he mentioned witnesses to freak me out.

I smacked the table. “What a jerk! I’m going to kick his butt.”

The rest of the time, we joked about it, engaged in wedding talk, and the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day celebration at Murphy’s bar.

Later that evening, I found Finn in the living room watching a sports game. Lindsey and I had come up with a brilliant plan to get him back. I was going to execute it. I jumped on the couch next to him. He glanced at me and then returned to the television as he positioned me on his lap.

Finn kissed my cheek and pressed forward, throwing his arms up at the television. “Son of a bitch! Block them, assholes!”

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