Page 57 of Monster in Disguise

Every time we went to the brothel, there was an event that entailed a room full of people fucking like rabbits.

I was there... and I wasn't.

It slowly became as normal to me as killing.

It was me, and yet... it wasn't.

My body complied, but my mind retreated somewhere safe.

I can never remember the people. It's like I black out after every single event.

And somehow... I'm glad for it.

Maybe it's my mind's way of dealing with things. I've been doing a lot of reading into the brain and how it functions... especially how it reacts to traumatic events.

Why?

Because I'm afraid. My entire life has been a traumatic event. How much more can one human possibly take? How much more until I snap?

And I'm afraid... Because what if I just... lose myself? Retreat so deeply in my mind that I never reemerge. Yes... That scares me.

I could hearthe screams all day, which is odd, given that Father is not home. Although I'm fairly certain Mother must have lost it again.

So many years, and she's gotten worse and worse. At this point, I'm not even sure if anything can help her.

It's a little after six in the evening when the screaming resumes. This time, it doesn't die down. Since I've gotten used to Mother, I know that her hysterical fits usually last a couple of hours, until her throat gets sore. Then there is a break in between when she loses her voice.

The way she's going about it now, I'm pretty sure she won't be able to speak for the coming days.

I try to mind my business and ignore the permeating noise, but when another voice joins in, I frown. That's not Mother. What's happening?

I reluctantly go downstairs to check what's going on. I'm on the top of the stairs when I see Mother on top of one of the cleaning ladies, screaming and kicking.

Going closer, I notice Mother is holding a hammer and nails, and she's trying to hold the hand of the cleaning lady and drive a nail through it.

"Mother!" I call out, reaching out to grab her.

"No! Impure... you... devil!" She stammers when she sees it's me. Her eyes are wild and unfocused.

"Mother, stop," I repeat and drag her off the already bleeding woman. I try to loosen her fingers off the hammer, so she can't hurt anyone anymore, but she takes me by surprise by shoving a nail as hard as she can into my thigh.

"Fuck!" I mutter under my breath, and Mother takes advantage of this to shove me back, running up the stairs to her room.

I take a few stabilizing breaths and, without even thinking, remove the nail embedded in my flesh. I revel in the pain as it gives me the mental acuity necessary to deal with Mother.

I stride determinedly towards her room, intent on removing all weapons from her person. She can hurt herself as much asshe wants, but she shouldn't abuse the staff. I reach her room, and I kick it open, hoping the display would intimidate her.

How wrong I am...

Mother is looking at me with terror in her eyes. She's holding a knife in her hand and as I step inside the room, she keeps on retreating towards the altar.

"Mother, give me the knife," I tell her, my voice steady.

"No...no," she shakes her head. "Devil...." She takes a cross from the altar and shoves it in front of me, probably hoping I'd suffer some side effects from the holiness of the cross.

"Mother, stop this. I'm not a devil and you know it. I'm your son."

Her eyes widen for a moment before she frowns.

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