Page 46 of Monster in Disguise

"It's cursed! It's the devil!" she yells, and against my better judgment, I step forward and take the baby in my arms.

Father is still in the room, sporting a bored expression, but I can see he's assessing my next move.

I look down and see the sweetest face. She's a little red and dirty, but as she opens her eyes to look at me, I feel something tugging at my heart.

I didn't even know I had one.

It's the first time I've felt this... I can't even name it.

My fingers tighten around her small body, wanting to offer her protection, love... Love?

I almost laugh at the thought. I've never loved anyone, and no one's ever loved me. Do I even know what that is?

But as I look into her deep eyes, I think I understand.

She has a big deep red mark that starts just above her eye and extends into her forehead. This is what mother must have meant when she said it was the devil's mark.

But... I suddenly realize.

I look up at mother and see she's holding tightly onto her rosary, saying a prayer—an exorcism most likely. Then there's father, and he just looks at me as if he expects me to slip.

My eyes move once more over the innocent life in my arms, and I realize what I need to do.

I can't let her live through what I did... I know exactly what will come, the abuse she will have to bear at mother's hands, especially because of her birthmark. And father... I don't even want to think of what he could do to her.

I can withstand everything he dishes my way, but if he did that to someone I cared about... to my little sister? And he would.

"She's cursed," I say, repeating mother's words. It takes everything in me to do this, but she's better off without this family.

"She has the mark of the devil. Mother was correct. We should send her away."

"Is that so, boy?" Father leans into the wall, taking a cigarette from his case and lighting it.

"We should send her to a holy place, so they can take out the bad from her." I lift my head and look him dead in the eyes.

"She'll bring us bad luck if she stays," I continue, and mother turns to me, agreeing wholeheartedly.

"Yes! Take her away. The devil... it's the devil trying to tempt us. She's going to bring only bad luck," she cries hysterically.

Father shrugs. "Do what you want. She's not a boy." He throws his cigarette butt on the ground and stubs it with his shoe before turning and leaving.

There are a few maids in the room, and I also spot Amelia. I go to her.

"Where can we send her? Somewhere she'll be taken care of?"

"I... I..." She stammers, "There's a convent. The famiglia has connections there."

"Take her. Take her there." I hand over the baby to her, trying not to look again, knowing that the more I hold her, the harder it's going to be to let go.

"OK," she nods. "But... what about her name?"

"Let the nuns name her," I say and turn my back, leaving the room.

Because if I named her... if I let myself care...

I don't think I could survive.

Catalina

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