Page 42 of Monster in Disguise

I have to marry her.

You'd think I would rejoice at the thought.

But I can't.

I'll only taint her. Defile her with my corruption. Damn her soul with my depravity.

She's my one weakness. A beacon of true innocence... MyBeatrice.

I stagger to my feet, dropping the whip to the floor. With uneven movements, I make it to the shower. Taking the rest of my clothes off, I prop myself under the jet of water and let it wash the blood away. Everything is red.

Blood...

Like that night.

I lose my balance, falling on the shower floor. The water is still running, coursing over my head and mingling with my tears.

I grab onto my knees and I start rocking.

Sinner.

I'm a sinner.

Lord, what have I done?

Marcello

AGE TEN

"Hurry, boy!" Father scowls at me as I try to keep up with his big strides. It's been a month since he's started taking me with him to his meetings with the Pakhan. The first time he took me there was also my first time witnessing him interact with someone outside our household.

The Pakhan is very much like Father. He has the same coldness in his eyes. He also has children, but so far I've only met Misha. He's older than me, but I can't say I like him. He's a bully. He likes to pick on me when there's no one else around. He thinks his words impact me, but after living with Father for so long, I think nothing can scare me. I rarely react to his taunts, and I think that annoys him.

We reach a door and Father gives me a shove inside. "I told you to hurry, boy. I don't have all day." I look him in the eyes without blinking and I nod.

One thing that I've learned when dealing with Father is that he will treat me even worse if I show any sign of weakness or fear. He likes it when I look him straight in his eyes. One mighteven say he is proud when I stand up to him. Inside, Father is greeted by the Pakhan and they hug, kissing each other on both cheeks.

"Giovanni," thePakhansays and motions towards some stairs. "I already have them ready for you." A smile spreads onto his face at this, and my father chuckles.

"It's time to show these boys how it's done, wouldn't you say?" He half-turns towards me, and I have the sudden urge to take a step back. Instead, I just steel myself and try to look impervious to anything they have to say or do to me.

"I have to say, I can't wait to see what your boy is made of."

"Vlad is here today too?" Father asks. I'd heard about Vlad before. He is another one of the Pakhan's children, a couple of years younger than me.

"Yes..." The Pakhan grimaces. "I need to discipline him. He killed another one of my guards. Again." He shakes his head and starts walking towards the basement.

I have to wonder what happened to Vlad. Is his father forcing him to be bad as well? Maybe we could be friends.

We go down the stairs until we reach a basement. There are a few doors, and the Pakhan leads us to the furthest door on the right. He opens it, and we follow him inside.

The room is completely empty but for a table on the side. There is something on the table, but I can't quite make it out since the lighting is extremely poor.

A boy is standing next to the table, his gaze fixated on whatever is on top of it.

"Vlad!" The Pakhan's sharp tone seems to shake him out of his reverie, and he slowly turns his head towards us. He walks casually, with measured steps, until he is in front of the Pakhan.

"Otets." He greets his father with a tilt of his head.

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