Page 76 of Falling For Us Again

Every time I see you in town with him, I die a little. I cannot bear the thought of you in his arms, of him claiming what should be mine. The jealousy, the rage—it eats away at me, but I have no right to feel this way.

I know it’s selfish to say this; after all, I let myself be controlled by my father’s wishes. I love my family, but I can’t help but think about how differently things could’ve turned out.

I can’t bear to lose you again, but I cannot stand to see you suffer anymore.

I’d like to report him to the police and make sure he rots in prison for the rest of his life, but you’ve said not to do that. I’d do whatever you want me to. Yet, Iris, I cannot stand to watch you suffer.

In your last letter, you said you'd run away from him with Jenna. I’ll come with you. We’ll go somewhere where he will never be able to find you. You deserve a life of happiness.

Please, my love, let me help you. This is our chance to have the life that we deserved. I’ll be waiting to hear when you think the time is right to make our move.

Your Dearest.”

The letter falls to the ground as I read it. The implications are sinking in. I flip through the pages to the last entry with shaky hands.

I’m running away with Jenna and My Dearest today. Richard is out of town for a few days, and I must take advantage of that window of opportunity.

I need to leave him before he kills me. I’m starting to worry about the hostility he’s now showing towards Jenna. His drinking has made him more violent, and I can’t take the chance that he gets violent with her too.

My Dearest is coming with us. I know he feels awful for leaving his wife and children, but he hopes that after things have settled down, he’ll be able to make amends with his kids.

I’m so scared and nervous that Richard will somehow be able to stop us. Jenna’s asking where we’re going, and I tell her to her Aunt Mila’s house.

I hear My Dearest car pulling up outside.

Goosebumps scrape my skin.

This was her last entry, which means my mother died while escaping. That flash of memory I had really was connected to her death.

But who is this man?

He lived here in Hartlow, but I don’t remember seeing my mother with another man or leaving the house suspiciously. Is he still here in Hartlow? Did his wife find out?

Does his family still live here?

My mind is reeling, my heart pounding in my chest as I try to process everything I’ve just read. The woman in these pages isn’t the mother I knew. She’s a stranger, a woman torn apart by forbidden love and guilt, trapped in a life she died trying to escape.

Tears prickle my eyes again as I read my mother’s final words over and over. My heart aches for her, for the pain and fear she must have felt as she wrote this letter, not knowing it was going to be her last day on earth.

The finality of it is crushing.

My mother’s affair, the love she felt for this man, the guilt, and my father’s relentless abuse, which pushed her to her death. The weight of it is almost too much to bear.

The air in the room is suddenly too thick, and I can’t breathe. I run out into the hallway, gasping for air as I lean against the wall.

The cool air is a relief, but it does little to calm my frayed nerves. I slide down the wall, burying my face in my hands as the sobs finally break free. The pain is overwhelming, a deep, aching wound that feels like it will never heal.

I cry for my mother’s lost happiness, for the way she tried to make amends too late, for the way she was forced to live a lie. I cry for the way her death has left me with more questions than answers, more pain than solace.

I don’t know how long I sat there, lost in the darkness of my thoughts. But eventually, the sobs subside, leaving me empty and drained. I look around at the remnants of my mother’s life, her secrets laid bare, and I feel a strange sense of both relief and sorrow.

My mother’s life was complex, filled with both love and regret, and understanding that might help me come to terms with my own feelings.

It might help me find a way to move forward and heal from the wounds she left behind.

Chapter 26

UNRAVELING

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