Page 18 of Ruthless Rebel

The amount of girls I encountered after Elle left is more than I can bear to think about, and the one thing I always remember about them is their dead eyes. And I don’t just mean the ones who were raped and murdered in front of me, of course their eyes were dead. No, I mean the ones who were forced to walk around in their underwear at all the parties, who were given off to myself and others for nothing but our entertainment.

As a girl, Elle King was robbed of her innocence, she was taken when she was still a child, and forced into acts so sinister, that my mind will never be able to erase them. She was brought to the woods where she was raped and almost killed, surrounded by filth and fucking rodents until her screams became unbearable because she felt nothing but fear and pain.

As a boy, I was led to an expensive and neatly-dressed bedroom, where woman after woman was led inside until my virginity was nothing but a mere memory. I did everything you can imagine with them under my father and brother’s instruction, until I was deemed to be trusted and left alone, and every single time I felt nothing.

I learned a long time ago to not let myself feel anything, to turn off my emotions and trust nothing and noone. The one person in life I let in was taken from me and I will never forgive myself for it, even though she has, but when I look down into my daughter’s eyes like I am now, it’s hard to remember those horrors.

From the second I found out she existedsomething inside of me snapped and I knew I was going to be changed forever. I was no longer going to be the weak little boy who was beaten by the horrors of his family business, no I was going to be a man who protected the ones he loved with everything he had, and I did. I gave up everything to have this life and I can’t bring myself to regret a single thing, not when it brought me here to her.

“You’re the best too, Angel,” I tell her honestly, pulling her back in for another embrace and cherishing every second of it as I add, “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, and will ever happen to me, do you know that?” I feel her nod against my chest, and I swear for the first time in a long time I feel like I could cry, and not out of fear, but out of love.

My daughter is here with me, she’s safe, she knows her worth, and she knows she is loved more than ever by the people that surround her. I can’t ask for anything more in this life, not when I’ve already taken so much, I don't deserve more, but she does, and I will give it to her every single day until the day I die.

We make breakfast together, then make cakes while singing along to theTangledsoundtrack, and then she invites me to a doll-filled tea party, which is how Elle finds us. Holed up in her bedroom, with tutus around our waist, and cake around our mouths.

“It seems I’m late to the party,” she coos from the doorway, and when our eyes collide I see nothing but love and it amazes me.

Elle King doesn’t hold onto the past. She harbors no hate or regret, she had her demons and she fought them, slayed them really, and now she surrounds herself with family and love and happiness, and she has never looked better. My best friend has a tainted soul that is still somehow pure, she has killed monsters, and been hurt in ways I am still trying to recover from, but in a way she was born for this. She was born to be a Queen ruling over us all, and I thank my lucky stars that I get to call her my best friend, and that my daughter gets to call her Mom.

“Mommy,” Cassie claps happily at her arrival. “Tea party, come on,” she flaps her hands signaling for Elle to join us, which of course she does without hesitation. She has killed for her daughter, so of course she is going to partake in a dolly tea party.

Cass finds the tutu that she knows fits Elle’s waist, and by the time she sits down next to me, we are in matching apparel, as we smile down at our daughter.

“Look at her,” she whispers, admiring our daughter right alongside me. “How did we make such an awesome fucking kid?” She asks mindlessly, and I have to laugh slightly through the images in my mind.

“It was all you, baby girl,” I tell her, knowing that the more of her my daughter has, the better. I want her to be a King, well a Royton, never a Donovan.

Elle puts her head on my shoulder and snuggles into my side, as Cassie pours her a pretend cup of tea to join us. “Ash, you will never understand how good you are, and it breaks my heart, because you’re the best person I know, and you deserve the world. I just wish you’d love yourself enough to allow it.”

I don’t respond, because I don’t know how, and I think she knows that because she gently kisses my cheek and then throws herself fully into her role in the tea party, and we don’t discuss it any further. I spend another hour with the two of them until I finally have to relent and leave to head into the office. So, I kiss the two of them goodbye, discard my pretty pink tutu, and head down to the garage.

The whole drive to the office, I can’t help but think about how I am going to face Lincoln after what transpired between us last night. The whole interaction was over the line, and I’m hoping we can just pretend it never happened and move forward as normal. When I arrive, I head straight to my office, not bothering to glance down the hall in the direction of his, just like normal, and I move my focus to work.

For the next two hours I am on back to back calls with existing clients, catching them up on the progress of their files and what we are doing to help them. By the time I am done, I have skipped lunch, and I head to Eliza’s desk to see if anything needs dealing with before I head out for some food.

“Mr. Donovan,” she greets me as soon as she sees me, and the name grates on me just like always, but still I smile.

“Good Afternoon, Eliza, anything pressing that needs my attention?” I ask, and she nods, running her finger down her notepad to find what she is no doubt looking at.

“Yes, actually, sir. A Mr. Parker called for Mr. Blackwell. I sent him the message, but he hasn’t returned my call yet, and Mr. Parker has now called twice looking for him, can you speak to him?” She pleads, and I presume that Mr. Parker must be persistent if he has already called twice, but it’s the other thing she said that snags in my mind.

“What do you mean you sent him the message? Just go down to his office and let him know he has an urgent call,” I tell her with a slight edge to my tone, knowing she is normally more proficient than this.

Eliza looks at me with a slight frown before she replies, “Mr. Blackwell isn’t in the office today, he’s out.”

“What do you mean he’s out? Where is he?” I demand, my attention now fully on her.

“He came in early this morning, made some calls, sent some emails, then asked me to rearrange the rest of his day because he needed to go and see his boyfriend,” she explains in great detail, yet her words have me stumbling.

“His boyfriend?” I repeat in confusion, shaking my head at her.

“Yes, you know Mr. Logan Royton, correct?” She replies, frowning further, because she knows full well I know who Logan is, he has been to the office countless times, and not because his last name hangs over the damn door.

“Yes, I know him,” I snap in frustration as irritation begins to burn inside of me. “His boyfriend? Are you sure that’s what he said?”

She is already nodding. “Yes, quite sure, sir,” she responds with a soft smile, and she opens her mouth to add something else, but I cut her off, turning to leave.

“Okay, thank you, Eliza,” I call back in a sharp tone, storming back to my office and slamming the door behind me.

---