Page 17 of Breaking Away

Tyler knows that, but I tell him again. “I told you, if I ever feel insecure in that way, if you ever make me feel insecure in that way, the relationship couldn’t last. I—can’t?—”

“Last?” Tyler huffs. “Babes, I don’t know how you can say that. I’m the reason you’ve got this much.”

The donut is stabbed.“Excuse me?”

“Not talking about your body. Of course, you’re hot. Everyone knows that. But I’m the Captain of the Seattle Blades. I bring a lot to the table and…”

He stops, but I can finish for him.

What do you bring?

Embarrassment slides down my back. I squeeze my eyes close. What can I say to argue with him?

For the last few years, he has been pulling me along inhislife. I’ve got nothing built of my own.

That’s why I was so careful to be the perfect fiancée. The number of congratulatory blowjobs this man has gotten has given me lockjaw. I hate mornings and I hate cooking even more, but I’ve gotten up early to make Tyler pancakes in bed. I manage his cleaners, assistants, and buy overpriced flowers so his apartment stays lovingly staged, because if I say I’m too busy to help because I’m watching photography tutorials online, I’m patted on the head for my non-priority priorities.

My eyes snap open. Suddenly, I see myself in the reflection of my butter knife, and I’m furious—and scared. That this sentence is going to come up for the rest of my life.

I take a deep, shuddering breath and ask him. “What am I?”

“No, babes. You tell me, so I can understand. You are… ?”

Nothing.

“It’s okay,” he soothes like a bird licking the wound it pecked open two seconds ago. “You don’t have tobeanything. Just be my fiancée again. I can’t promise women won’t throwthemselves at me because it happens all the time, but I’m coming home to you. Don’t you believe that?”

My mother’s words echo inside me.

Men make stupid mistakes all the time.

“I love you, babes. Don’t you love me?”

“You want to be open?” I ask, because I can’t let it go. Did Tylermakea mistake? Was he actually cheating or do all his explanations make sense?

“I—I?—”

“Do you want to try to be open?” I repeat. “You can be honest with me. Just help me understand.”

Tyler’s silence is him wondering if this is a trap.It is.But a braver, stronger, more confident woman has hijacked my tongue. I’m now pretending to be the Cool Girl fiancée. The one he wants to have secret body issues, so she spends her life making up for it by bending to his fantasies.

Down for everything. Understanding to a fault. My voice is spun sugar now. “I wouldunderstand,babes. Because, well, a man like you has needs.”

“It might solve everything, don’t you think?” he finally, very softly, says.

But then my silence makes him backtrack. “Only if it’s your idea! And webothagree. You know I respect you. Let’s talk about it in person. Your parents said you’re in Vancouver. Send me your location.”

“No.”

“That’s unacceptable, babes.”

“I don’t care. I’ve really heard enough. Besides, I can’t look at you right now. It’s—we’re over, Tyler. For real. We have to be. Bye.”

The last few words rushed out. I was afraid if I didn’t get them out now, I wouldn’t later.

Before he can speak, I hang up.

My head clunks down on the table.

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