Page 148 of Breaking Away

“You might not think I’ll ever understand you, Dad, but at least I’m willing to try. You don’t try with me.”

He doesn’t turn around. I hear his rushed, mumbled apology as he walks away. His mind has already gone somewhere else. It’s on the game.

My dad’s work has morphed into his personality, eclipsing everything else. He might be hardened and hyper-value his coaching for all sorts of reasonable reasons, but it also doesn’t make my own experience less true. My dad is not there for me. Not in the way I need him to be. In fact, I don’t think he cares or has the capacity to learn about who I really am. He won’t listen to my feelings, fears, dreams or desires. He’ll always be too busy and too stuck inward to listen, focused on his own journey instead.

All I get from him is disappointment or rebuke. What he sees are my surface-level “failures” of not going to college, of breaking up with Tyler, and not being an obedient daughter who should sacrifice herself in service to her dad’s wishes.

I sigh, but it’s not a dejected sound. It’s more of anI’m done with thisexhale. I realize there won’t be much more to say to my dad for a long time. He knows how I feel. Whether he changes his behavior has to be up to him.

Closure is a strange thing. It’s not always unburdening, but that was a release for me.

Before reaching the Wings’ dressing room, I see Dmitri.

A man is arguing with him.

He has the same golden eyes.

It’s Dmitri’s dad.

Grilling him about not playing in the last game.

62

DMITRI

“I’m not afraid,”I tell him. “They all know.”

My dad loses all his color. “They all know what?”

“About my knee.”

His hands grip the baseball cap he’s got on. “Why tell them?The season is almost over. You could have made it, renewing your contract first?—”

“It wasn’t worth it.”

My dad rubs his face repeatedly. He’s not understanding, which makes my chest ache. It’s more sad than anything.

“Hockey is not more important than permanently injuring my leg,” I say clearly for the first time. “I have more to live for.”

My dad is distraught. He glances over my shoulder at something.

Someone.

Kavi is here.

My eyes scan for any sign that she’s upset. She went after her dad, and I tried to follow, but then my dad came out of nowhere.

Our gazes meet, and she gives me a genuine smile. The tension in my stomach eases. Whatever else happened between her dad and her, she’s telling me she’s going to be okay.

“Was this all her idea?” my dad hisses.

“Don’t disrespect her.” My tone is chilly enough to make him step back.

“If you respect her and treat her with kindness, you can be in my life,” I say, not bothering to hide my boundaries. Not this one, ever.

“But you’re the only good thing I have in my life.”

My shoulders slump. “No, I can’t be what’s stopping you from being depressed or drinking. My career can’t be what gives you purpose. You need more. It’s…” I swallow. “Too much pressure on me. I hate it.”

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