Page 76 of Just a Number

They’ve all been so supportive about this. Helping me get all my shit together to head up to Scotland today. I decided there was no point dragging it out. Not when everything was arranged.

I’ve not seen Mel. Zack came over and collected my key when it was time to leave. He’s staying with Mel for a couple of days, which I took to be a positive sign. He wished me well and when I offered him to come up and visit, he didn’t immediately refuse, so perhaps I will see him. But perhaps it would be better if not. I’m not convinced I’d be able to hold back from asking about Mel, and I don’t think that would go down well.

Footsteps sound behind me, and I turn from the window to see my mum approaching.

“Hey,” I say as she steps close and draws me in for a hug. There’s a sniffing sound, and I lean my head back to see tearswelling in her eyes.And here I thought she’d be pleased to see the back of me.“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“I’m proud of you, Alex. I know I don’t say it enough. I know I’ve let things… well, people… get in the way of our relationship. I’m sorry for that, but I can’t let you walk away now and not know how proud of you I am.”

Woah, what the fuck?“Thanks, Mum.” I give her an awkward pat, with no idea how to deal with this situation. “Where’s Doug?” I ask.

“Oh, he had that important work thing he couldn’t get out of.” Her gaze skitters away.Yeah, right. He just doesn’t like it when he’s not the centre of attention. Not that I’d want him here anyway.“I know you two haven’t always got on, and I know it probably seems like I always take his side, but I do love you, Alex.” She reaches up to press a kiss to my cheek.

I’m not sure this is the best time to have it all out with her. But she’s trying. “Maybe you can come up with Laura and visit me?” I suggest.

“That sounds good. Perhaps when Doug goes on his fishing trip, I could come up then.” She gives me a hopeful smile. It’s hard to hold back the sigh. Why does she stay with him? She shouldn’t have to pussyfoot around him when it comes to her kids.

“I’d like that. Let me know if you can swing it.”

She pulls me in for another tight hug before stepping back. There’s a sound at the doorway and I look over to my sister waiting there. Her eyes widened in surprise.How much did she hear?

“Hey, just checking what was keeping you.” She comes over and grabs me in a headlock. She’s surprisingly strong, given she’s smaller than me. “I didn’t know we were getting all emotional in the kitchen and trying to fix all our family problems.” I catch her giving Mum the side eye.

“Leave it,” I murmur under my breath as I wrestle myself out from the headlock and gather her into my arms for a hug. “You’re gonna come visit next month, yeah?” I ask to distract her.

“Yep. I was chatting with Abby and she’s keen too, so we might come up together.”

“Sounds good.” I draw in a deep breath. “Right, time to head off, I guess.” We’re not travelling in convoy but it makes sense to leave with Maggie. I’ve already planned a route taking me along some of the best roads for biking.

I make my way outside with Laura and my mum following close behind. Maggie heads over straight away. “Alex, we’re going to get going. Call if you need anything. Otherwise, you’ve got the address for where we’re staying, yes? I’ll see you there tonight?”

“Sure thing. Thanks, Maggie.” She gives me a smile before climbing into her vehicle and her and the van drive away.

“Right, let’s not draw this out,” I say as I take in the crowd, waiting for me to leave. “It’s not like I’m moving to Australia. It’s Scotland, for fuck’s sake. You can come visit if you want.” Jack and Tom chuckle as Cassidy gives me a warm hug, followed by Abby.

Before I can climb on the bike, Laura draws me in for another hug and then I’m putting my helmet on, checking my backpack straps, and getting on the bike. I look around at them all, trying to ignore the squeeze in my chest at the obvious absence of one woman in particular. I give a nod, pull down my visor, and start the bike.

Chapter thirty-one

Mel

Iopen up the Instagram app to check some details for a Bookstagram event I’m planning. And there he is.Alex. It’s been a month since he left and I still can’t look away.

It’s a video of him throwing on the pottery wheel and I’m entranced as he works with the clay to create something beautiful. It’s torture. The algorithm seems to have dialled into my yearning and he’s usually the first thing I see every time I open this damn app. I’ve been so close to unfollowing him, but I can’t do it. I want to see his success. I need to know that I did the right thing because it’s been pretty shit since he left.

He regularly posts videos like the ones I’m watching now and it would be hard to miss the comments that pop up about how attractive he is. It’s even harder to rein in the jealousy when I see them but, at least he doesn’t seem to interact with them.

I continue to stare at the screen as he centres the clay on the wheel before commanding it to his will. He brings it up to shape a vase and I’m hypnotised, watching his hands. I jolt when helooks up, making direct eye contact with the camera.Fuck. It’s like he’s staring into my soul.

I’m weirdly proud of him leaning into the adoration of followers, driving us all wild with the eye contact and the sleeves rolled up. He smirks down the lens and a shiver rolls along my spine as I remember a similar smirk when he was positioned between my legs and had just given me the hardest orgasm of my life.

I miss him.

So damn much.

There’s been no contact on either side.

I’m fed up at work which hasn’t helped my mood. I feel stuck, being micro-managed and not getting to call the shots. I’ve proven myself time and again and yet there’s no progression or encouragement from the people above me. It’s looking likely that I haven’t been successful with the promotion and that sucks.

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