Page 56 of Just a Number

“Knows what? About you and Alex? Oh my god, did he catch you at it?”

“No, thank goodness. Alex stayed over last night while Zack was at a friend’s. He came back early this morning while we were eating breakfast and chatting.”

“Are you sure he knows? That could just be you being a nice person making Alex breakfast.”

“No, he figured it out when Alex had to unlock the back door to get out.”

“Oh… fuck…”

“Yep.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I sent Alex away, and I was honest with Zack that it’s happened a couple of times and I didn’t mean it to. He asked if Alex had taken advantage of me.”

“Ah, probably easier for him to deal with than to think about his mum actually wanting to have sex, I guess.”

“Fuck, I’m going to have to stay away from Alex. This can’t happen again.”

“Er, why the fuck not? If Zack knows now, it’s out in the open. You should totally just run with it now. Let the sexual chemistry run its course. Date him. Let him woo you.”

“But every time we do something, it just makes me want him more.”

“All the more reason to keep getting it. Look, you don’t need to be waving it in Zack’s face. But I think, if he knows, you just go for it. Tell him you’re gonna see what happens and that it’s not serious, anyway.”

“Hmmmm,” I think about what she’s suggesting, but I’m still unsure.

“It’s not serious, right?”

“Oh no, of course not.” But as I say it, there’s a heavy tug in my chest, so much so that I have to rub the heel of my hand over mybreastbone. Why can’t I be honest and say out loud how much I’m starting to like him?

Around lunchtime, I make my way downstairs. I’ve been in and out of meetings since I got off the phone with Cassidy and I’m ready for coffee and food. I’m rummaging through the fridge, trying to work out what to eat, when there’s a knock at the back door.

I straighten and look over, making out a silhouette that looks like Alex through the frosted glass. There’s no point avoiding him. It’s best that we have a chat and work out what happens next.

“Hey,” I say as I open the door. “What the fuck is that?” I cry when I get a look at his face, his eye black and swollen.

“It’s nothing. I just wanted to check you were okay?”

“How did you get a black eye, Alex?” He just shakes his head, refusing to answer. “Was it Zack?”

His grimace gives me my answer, even if he doesn’t want to say it.

“What the fuck is he playing at?”

“Look, he’s angry with me. He thinks you’re vulnerable, and I took advantage of you. And let’s face it, I’m a shit friend. I fucked his mum. I deserve the black eye.” He shrugs it off as if it’s nothing.

“Come in.” I reach over and draw him in by the hand. “Have you iced it?”

“I didn’t have any ice. I did put a wet cloth on it for a while. It’s hurting a lot less than when he did it.”

“When did he do it?”

“He came and banged on the door a few hours ago; before he had to go to college, I guess.”

Shit.I hadn’t even realised. Just assumed when I heard him leave that he was on his way to college. I push Alex onto a stool and use a tea towel to make a poultice with some ice that I gently press to his swollen eye.

“I’ll talk to him.”

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