Page 1 of Just a Number

Chapter one

Mel

Iwish I had the confidence of a mediocre white man.

I blow out a deep sigh as I shut down my computer for the day. It’s amazing I haven’t thrown it out the window as it really has been one of those days. A male colleague tried to suggest the same thing I already had in slightly different terms, and miraculously, the board were more keen on it when he said it. He then tried to suggest it was his idea all along. Good job we weren’t in the same room together. I think I would have swung for him. Combined with an overflowing inbox and an assistant who has just quit to travel the world and discover herself… it’s been a helluva day.

At least it’s Friday.

I straighten my desk accessories, and as I turn off the lamp in my home office, I realise how dark it’s got. Autumn is here and the nights are drawing in. It’s almost time for busy season in my work as an events organiser, so I may as well make the mostof a free Friday. Time for a glass of wine and a trashy show on Netflix.

As I open the door, the sound of voices and laughter filter up the stairs. It could be twenty people or just two.Shit.I’d forgotten my son Zack was hosting a gaming night for some friends tonight. Guess that wine and TV show will be in my bedroom then. I let out a sigh of disappointment.

I close the office door behind me and head downstairs to check how they’re getting on. Now that he’s eighteen, he’s fairly self-sufficient—especially in terms of feeding himself. Not so great at the cleaning up after himself part, but he’ll get there, eventually.

I make my way downstairs and attempt to count the shoes discarded by the front door. At least four pairs and none that look like Zack’s. He told me it would be a gathering of close friends, so hopefully there won’t be anyone else turning up.

I head down the hallway and stick my head round the corner of the door to the lounge. The room is full of boys. Sorry, young men. Two of them seem to be engaged in some kind of gaming battle on the console connected to the TV. The other three are cheering them on. I get a bit of a shock when I see the bottles of beer littering the coffee table. It still gives me a jolt when I remember I am a mother to an adult.How the hell did that happen?

Since he started sixth-form college and working part-time, his friend group has expanded in age range too. Now, he’s one of the youngest among his mates. Zack’s bestie, Rich, was the last one to turn eighteen a couple of weeks ago and now they are all old enough to drink, which blows my mind. A couple of years ago, it was cans of Coke and bags of sweets. And now it’s bottles of beer.Where did the time go, I wonder wistfully.

“Hey, guys. Everyone okay?” I ask.

Zack looks over at me with a grin. “Hey, Mum. Finished work for the day?”

“Yes, thank god. I don’t want to repeat that day anytime soon.”

One of the guys with a game controller groans loudly, “This fucking sucks, you cheat,” he tells his opponent as Zack clears his throat. His friend looks over and has the good grace to blush.

“Sorry, Mrs Watson,” he says. I refrain from the eye roll dying to be let loose at his use of ‘Mrs’. I can’t expect a friend of Zack’s to know I’m officially a divorcee, and go by ‘Ms’ now.

“All good, Sam. I’m not the bad word police. We all swear sometimes,” I tell him with a smile. “You guys ordering in for dinner?”

“Yeah, pizza. You want some?” Zack asks.

“Sure. You know what I like. Order it on my account. My treat.” Zack has the money from a part-time job, but I know he’s saving for travelling and I am sure his friends are in similar situations. They’re supplying their drink, so I may as well cover them for the food.

I make my way into the kitchen and pull out a bottle of Pinot Grigio from the fridge. Thank goodness I had the foresight to chill it last night. I tend to save my drinking for when I’m spending time with friends, but I sometimes allow myself a glass or two at the end of the week. A celebration of getting through five more days of work.

I used to love my job. Enjoyed being rushed off my feet. But since my marriage broke down, I’ve been questioning everything I used to hold dear. I feel untethered. Uncertain. Okay,lost. My perfect little life screeched to a halt the day my husband left me. And more than a year later, I’m still unsteady on my feet, trying to work out what way is forward.

I unscrew the cap, pull a wine glass down from the cabinet, and pour myself a large serving. As I take my first sip, I close my eyes and savour the taste. It’s fruity on my tongue and is going to go down far too easily.

I pull up Instagram on my phone and scroll through it while I sit up at the breakfast bar. I can hear the odd shout from the boys in the other room, but they’re not too loud. I look down my feed and add some likes and comments as I go. My notifications pop up at the top and show I’ve gained another couple of followers today and I have some private messages to look at too.

I started my Bookstagram account a couple of years ago, when my marriage was in an awful place and I needed to carve a space that was just for me. I’ve always been a prolific reader, and in the last couple of years, I’ve really got into spicy romance. I love sharing the books I’ve been reading and chatting with other fans of the genre. It’s a lively crowd. That’s how I reconnected with my friend Cassidy. She writes smut for a living and does a bloody good job of it. She reached out after I reviewed one of her books and we realised we knew each other from years before when we worked at the same place. It turned out we were each going through a divorce and had a lot in common.Speak of the devil,I think as a message notification pops up from Cassidy.

Cassidy:

Tell me you have something fun planned for this weekend, Mel. Let me live vicariously through you! I’m deep in the writing cave and need to know there’s life outside this manuscript!

I smile at her dramatics.

Me:

Just sat down with a glass of wine and scrolling IG. No plans as yet. Want me to drag you out of your cave tomorrow and we can go out for some cocktails?

Cassidy:

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