Page 68 of The Best Number

“Yeah,” I sniffle.What the fuck? Am I crying?“Just all a bit much, you know. Everything last night and now I feel really lousy, but we don’t have long with Jack before he leaves again. I don’t know why, but I just feel wobbly.”

Tom crouches at my feet and gives my knee a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s understandable, Mac. You’ve been working so hard. I’ve never seen you let your hair down like you did last night. Well, not with alcohol anyway.” He winks at me. “Just give yourself a moment to process. It’s okay.” He holds my hands and gives me a squeeze. He’s been like a rock to me since Jack left. After the initial hiccup, when we pulled away from each other, we came back together and have been supporting each other where we can.

“Do you know if my place is empty this weekend?” Jack asks.

“There was someone due to arrive yesterday and stay through to Monday. You can crash here if you want?” I offer.

He appears to be giving it some thought.

“Where’s your luggage?”

“I didn’t bring any,” he tells me. “I was in a hurry. Maybe I should grab a hotel. I don’t want to impose.” He looks undecided.

Tom checks the time. “You’re unlikely to get into a hotel for a couple of hours. Why don’t we look at return flights and then make a plan from there?”

Jack nods in agreement.

“Can we use your laptop to check flights, Cassidy?” Tom asks, and I nod.

The boys make their way out to the living room and I stay where I’m seated for a moment, trying to get my head around what this means. Tom and I have spent the last two months slowly trying to find a way forward with Jack being in New York. It has felt like a piece of me has been missing. And now he’s here. And I don’t know what to do about it. How I’m supposed to feel. He’s not even staying long. It’s like some kind of mirage. I don’t know how long I sit there letting the thoughts whirl around in my head, but when I get up and make my way through to the living room, I’m mad.

Both guys look up as I flounce into the living room. My gaze hits Jack and I curl my lip in a snarl. “We were doing okay. We were figuring it out. It felt like such a hole when you left. But we’ve been getting there, haven’t we?” A quick glance to Tom as I ask the question.

He nods, watching me warily.

“I don’t know if you know this, Jack, or if you were too caught up in your own stuff to see it, but we were fucking broken when you left. Two months! Two fucking months you’ve been gone and last night was the first time I felt whole again. And now you’re here. What does it mean? You’re not even staying.” I stamp my foot and realise I’m acting like a furious toddler having a tantrum. “I can’t do this,” I tell him in despair. There’s no holding back the tears now, rolling down my cheeks in fat blobs. I try to calm my breathing, but it only comes out in sobs.

Jack’s looking at me with his jaw dropped, unsure what to make of my meltdown. But I can’t let this go. I can’t pretend itdoesn’t hurt to see him again. To have him hug me after weeks of craving him. And that’s no shade on Tom.Tom holds a piece of my heart too, but he’s been infinitely more gentle with it than Jack has.I watch as Tom elbows Jack, none too gently, trying to get him to move.

Jack looks between Tom and I, completely at a loss. Tom heaves a giant sigh as he lifts my laptop from his knees, placing it on the coffee table. He gets up to make his way over to me. He approaches carefully, the way you would a feral animal trapped in a wire fence.

“Come here, Mac,” he says with his gentlest voice. I’m pulled tight into his chest and it opens the floodgates even more. I sob, my wet tears soaking his bare chest.

Chapter thirty-one

Tom

Igrasp Cassidy firmly. She’s breaking my heart. Her chest heaving with sobs. She’s so worked up. I’ve never seen her like this. Not even when he left.

I can’t see Jack now as my back is to him, but I’m starting to feel just as furious as Cassidy with this situation. How dare he sit there with his mouth open like a gasping fish when she needs comfort? I can see how she’s got herself worked up about this.

When I woke up and realised that Jack was real… I wasn’t dreaming, and he was crouched beside me. I was in complete shock. Then came the joy that he was here, after it felt like such a long time with us missing him dearly. Followed by the disappointment that he wasn’t staying. It’s been a whirlwind, and he’s only been here half an hour.

Cassidy hiccups as she tries to slow down her sobs and even out her breathing. I don’t cease my soothing moments. I want her to feel supported and loved. She deserves the best and I resolve to give her that.

Something moves behind me. When I glance sideways, Jack is there, watching us. It seems petty, but I take some comfort in the fact he looks broken. Pain clouds his eyes. He rubs his jaw with his palm, his breathing uneven. Cassidy must notice the movement because she moves her head to the side, facing away from him. Her arms come around my waist as she grips me hard.

“I didn’t know,” Jack rasps. “I didn’t realise…” He raises a trembling hand as if to touch her but lowers it uncertainly. “Cass, I am so sorry.”

Cass turns her head to face him. Her eyes are red and blotchy. She should look like a fright, but all I can see is the beautiful woman I’m in love with.

“What didn’t you realise, Jack?” she whispers. She sucks in a breath as I do the same and we wait for him to respond.

“I didn’t realise that my dramatics would have such a devastating effect on you both,” he says with a sad smile. “I should have waited it out to hear from one of you. I’m so sorry to drag you through the wringer like this. I just panicked.”

“Why did you panic, Jack?” Cassidy asks. She may be hungover, but she’s not giving an inch—keen to drag answers from him if need be.Man, I love her determination.

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