Page 62 of The Best Number

I nod and go back to my scrubbing. I get a shock a moment later when she appears next to me and grabs me in a tight hug. It doesn’t last long, but it tugs at my heart.

“Here to listen if you want to talk about it. Or to drink with you if you want to get drunk, Tom.” She never calls me by my name. It’s been ‘boss’ since her first day on the job.

“Thanks, Abby. I’m good though. I swear.”

She heads out to the back to put her belongings in a locker and make a cuppa before we open up.

A Week Later

I blearily open one eye when I hear my phone repeatedly buzzing. It’s been doing it for ages. I grab it from my bedside table to see Cassidy’s name and photo on the screen. This isn’t the first time she’s called. I don’t want her to worry, so I click ‘accept’ before holding the phone up to my ear.

“Hey, Mac,” I say in my husky, just woken up tone.

“Tom Mitchell, where the fuck have you been?” She sounds grumpy, but cute.

“Well, right now I’m in bed. Where I’ve been since I got home from the bar and dropping off the staff last night after we closed.”

“I thought you were coming back to mine?”

That had been the plan. She’d been in the bar with Mel for a few drinks and they were chatting with Abby when the crowds allowed. The three of them talking about starting a Thirst Trap Book Club. She’d left me with her spare key so I could let myself in.

“It was late. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

I feel like a dick. It’s been a week since Jack left. And whilst we’ve seen each other several times since then, it had all been Cassidy coming to me. Visiting the bar every couple of days. I appreciate seeing her smile and the quick hugs she gives me as she arrives and leaves. But with work, there isn’t much time for chatting. And I know I’ve been avoiding anything beyond that.

“Can I come over?” she asks.

I look around. Clothes everywhere, a messy kitchen. I’ve let my usually high tidy standards slip. I haven't been spending muchtime here lately and for the last week, I’ve worked a ridiculous amount of hours purely to avoid spending too much time by myself.

“How ‘bout I come to you? I can bring coffee.” I hope that will win her over. She agrees and we hang up.

I stop at the deli that does decent coffee on the way over and pick up a couple of cakes I know she likes, as well as the promised caffeine. Peace offerings. It’s not long before she’s letting me in and I take the lift up to her floor rather than risk spilling the coffees trying to get the doors open for the stairwell.

She’s waiting by the lift when it opens. I take a look at her and see that she, like me, looks really fucking tired.

I glance towards the door for Jack’s flat and realise that given the jolt it gives me, that it must be even harder for Cassidy to see it every time she leaves her flat.

He’s listed it on a short term letting app and we’ve been keeping an eye on it for him. He organised a cleaning crew, which I’m grateful for as it means we don’t have to spend much time there, other than a quick look round before each new arrival.

“Come on,” she says, grabbing a coffee and the bag with the cakes from me, and leading me into her flat. We sit on the couch and I Iet her pick a cake before shoving the other one into my mouth for a big bite. I’m chewing on the chocolate cupcake when she starts talking.

“I knew I was losing Jack. What I didn’t realise, Tom, is that it meant I would lose you, too.”

I swallow my mouthful, washing it down with a swig of coffee. My chest tightens and I know it’s not from the cake and coffee.I wanted to keep her safe from my heartache.

“Do you not want to make a go of this?”

I close my eyes on a sigh. When I open them, tears are filling her eyes, but she seems to be trying her best to stop them from spilling over. I place my cake and coffee down on the table, gesturing for her to come closer.

“Come here, Mac,” I say, pulling her into a hug. Her hands wrap around my middle as she gives me a squeeze.

“I’m sorry, Cassidy. I’m rubbish at this. I don’t know how to do it.”

“How to do what?”

“I don’t know how to work through hard stuff with anyone but myself. It’s always just been me, working through my own shit. I don’t know any other way. I know I’ve been keeping my distance, but it’s the only way I can get through it.” My voice sounds as rusty as I currently feel. Spilling my guts and my emotions doesn’t come easy to me.But I want to make this work.

She eases back to grip my face in her palms. “But I don’t think you are dealing with it, Tom. Abby says you’ve been working crazy hours. All you’re doing is working and sleeping. Every time I’ve seen you, you haven’t stopped. I know it hurts, baby,” she says as a sob breaks through her lips. “But we have to feel it. We can’t just ignore it. That won’t help. It’s okay to miss him.”

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