Page 96 of Shattered

My eyes blur with tears as everything hits me at once like a fucking truck. Suddenly, I can feel every wound. I can feel the torch on my skin. I can feel Rooney ripping me apart. I can see Jared die, choking on acid. I can see the look on Asher’s face when Turner told him his best friend in the world had bled out.

And as I stare at this imperfect tattoo, it pushes me over the edge.

With tears spilling from my eyes, I let out a sob. “Asher…”

“It’s okay, Sunshine.” He leads me to the sofa at the front of the shop and transfers into it from his wheelchair, and I follow right at his side. My tears melt into his T-shirt as he holds me.

“How am I supposed to go on? Everything’s so wrong!”

He squeezes me for dear life as though he’s hanging by a thread, just like me, because he is.

“You know, when Turner kicked me out, I ended up sitting in a hall, crying my eyes out, scared as fuck,” Asher says, his voice shaky, as though he’s holding back tears. “That was rock bottom for me, Sunshine. Bane and Jared were dead, you were nearly killed, and it was my fault. My stupid fucking leg. You know what got me through it? You.”

“How?” I cry.

“Because you’re the most important person in my life, and I wasn’t going to abandon you. I had to be better. I had you to hold on to. You need to find that thing worth holding on to and not let it go.”

If there’s one thing anchoring me to this earth right now, it’s Asher. What if he’d died? I think I would’ve died too.

“Let it out, Sunshine. Don’t bottle it up. I can take it.”

As I sob into his chest, I struggle to breathe, and he rubs my back tenderly as more flashbacks from that day come back.

“I couldn’t breathe!” I sob. “They must’ve dunked me a dozen times, drawing it out as long as possible. I didn’t know which time they weren’t going to pull me out, and I was going to die.”

It hurts so bad just to say it. But as I cry, I swear I feel the tears cleansing me. I’ve bottled up so much. And as I let it out, for the first time, I feel like I can go on.

“Let it out, Sunshine,and put it into your art. Make it sing. And then you let me wipe away all your tears.”

When I break into tears, Asher pulls me tight, cradling my head against his chest.

“I know, Sunshine. Let it out.”

My body freezes when his hand drifts from my back down to my hip. A strange mix of fear and pleasure instantly begins to fill me, and I nuzzle even closer to him. He’s so hesitant where he puts his hands.

I don’t like this Asher. He’s afraid of me.

“You can’t treat me like glass,” I whisper.

“Not forever,” he assures me.

“No, not ever.”

“You need to heal, Sunshine.”

The strangest urge washes over me, consuming me. “Ash…”

“Shh…” he whispers. “Sunshine, we’re not negotiating this. You need to heal.”

“I need him off me,” I cry. I’ll do anything to take away this awful feeling. And Asher won’t hurt me. I may be a mouse caught in a giant’s trap, but right now, while I’m so broken, he’s a gentle giant.

Asher sighs, his body tensing against mine. “Sunshine…”

“Please. Just a little…”

I swear I feel his resolve folding. “If I’m going to touch you, you need to promise me that you’ll tell me if I need to stop. Donotlet me hurt you. Not now.”

When I shakily nod into his chest, he slowly sinks his hand into my underwear. And suddenly, I’m back in his den the first time he touched me, when he pinned me against a wall and aggressively fingered me until I came twice all over his hand. Back when he flippedmy world upside down and made me rethink every sexual experience I’ve ever had.

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