Page 70 of Shattered

As I’m hauled up by my arms, a puppet for their games, I think of Macy. Before her attacker shot her, intending to end her, she said she felt a wave of calm, and I feel it, too. The pain is too much,overwhelming my body to a point I never thought possible. At this point, death feels like mercy.

Despite the mercy, I’m still afraid to die, enough to turn my heart to ice.

I wasted so much time being angry, and it’s my biggest regret. My friends love me, and they wanted to be there for me, but I was horrible. I lashed out and let my loneliness get the better of me. If I’d just opened up and spoken to them… The last thing I said to Turner was that I hate him, and that’s the last memory he’ll have of me. I told Macy she was broken. I made Juliet feel like a bad friend, and she’s not.

And Asher…

When he first moved in, I hated him with every fiber of my fucking being. And somewhere along the line of war and the wild song and dance we did, something grew there. Despite how terrified I was, I felt it. Somehow, that hatred became something else entirely.

I think I fell in love with him.

He’s a complicated man, I know that. But he’s just like everyone else: hurt and needing someone to love him. And the way he kissed me told me he felt it, too.

That’s when I realize something. I let these fucks convince me he wasn’t coming for me, but it was all an act. It must’ve been. Asher cared about me in some shape or form, enough to fight for my safety before. He’ll blame himself for this and be more lost than ever.

Asher, please don’t hate yourself for this. You never could’ve seen this coming. You tried to keep me safe. It’s not your fault. I know you think your life is over because of your leg, but it’s not. It’s just a different life.

I’m sorry I never told you how I felt. I don’t think I even knew until this moment. I was so scared to love you, afraid it would consume meuntil nothing was left. What we had may have looked like abuse from the outside, but to me, it felt like magic. You gave me something I’ve desperately been looking for. You made me feel alive.

And just before I was taken, you made me feel love.

Don’t let this destroy you. This is my end, but it doesn’t have to be yours. Please. Find a way to be happy, and once you find it, don’t let go.

You were my happiness. My sunshine. And if I’d lived, I’d never let you go.

I peel my eyes open as a door opens in front of me, and I try to dig my heels in as if it’ll save me, but I’m still pulled into the bathroom nearly effortlessly. My feet are assaulted with pain as I’m shoved to my knees in front of a bathtub. It’s filled right to the top, and the bright lights above me emphasize the steam from the water that burns my eyes. It’s hot.

One grabs my hair and yanks my head to the side, pointing it straight at a camera on a tripod.

“Say hello to your fans, Lila. Over two thousand people are ready to watch you die. Any last words?”

I can see my reflection in the camera’s lens, exhausted and terrified, and I hardly recognize the shell I’ve become. I don’t speak, only stare as tears spill down my cheeks.

“Time to say goodbye,” Rocco says coldly.

Without warning, my head is shoved underwater and assaulted with unbearable heat, and in a panic, it goes down my throat. I snap my eyes and mouth shut and fight like mad, flailing my arms and trying to grab the hand around my hair despite the pain from the toothpicks. My struggles aren’t even enough for them to bother restraining me.

As my chest begins to burn and desperation fills me, I’m yanked out of the water, instantly coughing, choking, and grabbing a heaving mouthful of air that feels like smoke as it goes down my scalded windpipe. My head is forced to the side again, where Rooney holds the camera near me. It’s dripping water.

It’s a fucking underwater camera.

“Burn in fucking hell,” I tell them both before I’m dunked again.

They do it a dozen times, torturing me while I struggle and fight because, without air, I don’t have a choice. They even top up the water when it gets too low.

As I run out of air and life, one single thought screams out in my head louder than the fear.

I love you, Asher. Please be okay.

Chapter 26

Lila

The world is in and out as my head spins due to lack of oxygen and the rapid movements. When I’m suddenly released, I yank my head out of the water and land backward on my ass, stabbing me with a toothpick from my foot. I realize something’s happening.

Then I hear a bang.

I look at Rocco and Rooney, who are frozen and wide-eyed. Thinking quickly, I drop into a painful heap, playing dead.

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