Page 23 of Old Acquaintances

“Come for your revenge?” I growled. “Are you locking me inhere to murder me?”

“When your body’s finally developed? Why murder you now?”

My jaw dropped, and we stared at each other for a moment.

He covered his face. “Sorry.Sorry. That’s not what I came in here to say. I came in here to explain.” Tucker sat on his bed, the one two feet from mine. His hand gripped his mattress. I lay on my side, facing him.

He scratched the back of his head. “Look, I’m going tell you something and I don’t ever want to talk about it again, okay?”

“What?” I said into my pillow.

He sighed. “Last year, in gym, Jamie Walker said you were hot. And then Kyle Huberman agreed. And then Ryan Rice agreed. Everyone agreed.”

I frowned. “We were in the same gym class.”

“Yeah, this was the conversation pre-class. In the locker room.” He gagged. “I hated that they were sexualizing you. It was gross.”

“I am not gross.”

“No, you’re not. But hearing other guys talk about you like thatis. For me.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Anyway, you came out in your shorts that day and…I got it. I knew what they were talking about.”

I pushed off the bed and pressed into my flat hand, thinking first about how Ryan Rice thinks I’m hot, then understanding what Tucker was saying. I realized that I was just wearing a sports bra and underwear because I didn’t think he’d come into the room, but Tucker kept his eyes on my face.

I asked, “Are you saying you think I’mhot?”

He paused before exhaling, long and slow, like it pained him. “It’s more of an objective thing that everyone knows to be true, I just found out about it recently.”

I wasn’t sure if that qualified as a yes or a no.

“Today I was reminded of it,” he went on. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made a big deal about it. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. You’re right, you don’t have to cover up because it makes me feel weird.”

We sat on our beds, with the door closed. I considered the dozens of times he, Johnny and I sat in my bedroom or Johnny’s, with the door shut. Everything felt different in that moment.

Senior girls flirted with Elijah Tucker. In my locker room, he was the boy all the girls talked about. It didn’t bother me. I thought it was because I didn’t see him that way, but he was visibly handsome, borderline beautiful, and I couldn’t deny it. When those girls gushed over him, though, I thought: you don’t know him.Iknow him.Ihave him. No matter what, we have this shared past, this common family.

Right then, I thought to myself,I’m glad Johnny’s not here.He wouldn’t like this conversation. He didn’t like when Tucker highlighted the fact that I was a girl.

I also liked knowing that Tucker thought I was hot, and I hated myself for it.

I understood his dilemma.

“Just so you know,” he started, “No one else is looking at your – at the –you. At you. No one else is looking at your body.” He winced. “You don’t have to feel weird around them. It’s just me. And I’ll get used to it.”

Inconsequently, I commented, “I don’t have any better bathing suits.”

“What?”

“I just have two pieces.”

He inhaled sharply. “Like I said, I’ll get used to it. I’ll, uh, keep my eyes up.”

I bit my lip, watching him stare at his hands. I wondered if he only thought I was hot because of my body, something other girls had too. I wanted him to think about more than that.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” I asked.

He lifted his brows and groaned, “Can we not do this?”

“It’s just a question. You can be honest.”

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