Page 102 of Old Acquaintances

I peeled the ice back. The bruising had already started. “You might be right about that.”

He nodded. “I can’t sleep in there with him.”

“You can stay with me.” I knelt in front of him.

“Ella, I can’t afford to lose either one of you.” He took the ice pack and held it away from his face. “He’s my oldest friend. I have respect for that. And you…you’re…special to me.”

My soul fluttered.

“I don’t have a lot of people in my life who chose to be in it. I just have you two.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you will, one day. You’ll go off and get married and we can’t be like this anymore. But, with Johnny, if I play my cards right, I’ll always have his friendship.”

I understood what he was saying. I’d never thought of it that way. It’s easier for them to be in friendships becausethey’re both heterosexual men. Anyone I end up with might be uncomfortable with my relationship with them. With Johnny, it’s easier to see our relationship as platonic, but Tucker and I didn’t present that way. It would be inappropriate for us to remain close friends after we’re in committed relationships.

I didn’t want him to go away.

I didn’t want anything to change, not the frequency in which we saw each other, the way we hung out or the physicality of our bond.

Tucker cleared his throat. “Can I make one last request and I promise to never ask this of you ever again?”

I was aware of the bed behind us. I wondered if he was going to ask –

“Can I kiss you?” He said, “Just as the cherry on top of this really nice day.”

“You had a nice day?”

“Of course.”

“Even with the whole –”

“Even with that.”

I wanted this, too. I wanted him to kiss me properly, as if we’d just gotten engaged and he loved me, truly. I told him yes, he could kiss me, and Tucker’s lips touched mine. Briefly. He started to pull away.

Not like that.

I grabbed his neck and lifted up on my knees, deeply grasping his mouth with mine. He responded, gripping my dress, my butt. He lifted me onto his lap and kissed me as if we didn’t exist apart. I thought maybe I wanted that. To be attached to him forever so no other man or woman could come between us and we could have each other without restraint. I hated her, the imaginary wife. She would get the beautiful parts of him that I couldn’t have.

I kissed him endlessly.

Until the door made a sound. I flung myself off of him as Serena came into the room. She explained that she was going to get her pajamas and stay with Johnny, that whatever happened between the two of them, he would get over it soon.

Tucker didn’t try to touch or kiss me for the rest of the night. I changed my clothes, he laid in his boxers, and we watched television silently for a little while. He slept on top of the comforter, beside me. When I woke up the next morning, he was setting a cup of coffee beside my bedside table. The drive home was tense. After that, things went back to normal between Johnny and me.

I didn’t see Tucker for a very long time.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Today

I was quiet when I returned from the bathroom. I knew Tucker was looking at me, but I wished he wouldn’t. I didn’t want him to pity me. We stopped at a beach and walked on the sand for a little while after drinks, but he didn’t come near me. Then, Tucker laughed and joked with his friends while I sat silently in the back of the car on the way home. He was unfazed. You’d never assume we’d had a conversation that left me blubbering in a public bathroom. Cool as a cucumber, sober as a judge. He didn’t try to catch my eye anymore or speak to me.

While Ritchie makes lasagna for dinner, I change my clothes. I pop Tucker’s sweatshirt back over my head and take my necklace off. I hear him coming into the room and I hurry into the bathroom, locking it, saying, “I’m in here!”

“Okay, I’m just grabbing my phone charger.”

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