“Because you knew I loved him.”
“Yeah.” Johnny’s face shifts to anger. “He said he doesn’t love you anymore and Iknewit was going to be like this. I just knew it. You would always be a little bit in love with him and he’s just over it.”
There’s movement on my left. I look at the open sliding door and the audience surrounding it. They scurry off when I catch them spying, as if I don’t know they’re just going to hide behind the curtain and keep listening.
I say, “So that’s why you didn’t care that I hated him?”
“I wanted you to hate him. Because then maybe you wouldn’t be in love with him anymore.”
“Then, why did you let him come this time?”
“You stopped bringing him up. He said he wouldn’t touch you or talk about feelings.” He shrugs.
My legs drop. “The bed, Johnny?”
He throws his hands up. “Honestly the only sleeping arrangement that worked. It was Serena’s idea anyway and I didn’t want anyone else to know about you too. And -” He flinches as a raindrop hits his shoulder. “Tuck promised it wasover for him.”
I stare at the inconsistent circles formed on the surface of the pool. Water hits my scalp. “Itisover for him.” The raindrop rolls down the side of my head, mirroring the tears rolling from my eyes.
Johnny stands, pulling me to him, into a hug. He says in my ear, “He didn’t kiss you just now like he’s over it.”
I thought Johnny and I had run our course as best friends. I figured he’d just be familiar now, a reminder of the past, someone I shared memories with. But I was wrong about why he wanted us kept apart. At least a little bit. Some part of him still wanted to look out for me, even if it meant being at odds with his other best friend.
Pulling back, I ask him with a quiet voice, “Johnny, do you love Jen?”
He twitches, taken aback by the question. “Of course, I do.”
“Like, can’t live without herloveor…she’s just what you need right nowlove?”
“I don’t know,” he mutters. “She’s what I need right now, I guess. I needed to feel like I have a partner, someone by my side.”
“Are you going to love her and take care of her forever?”
“Yes, of course.” He ducks a drop of water. “Why are you asking me this?”
I wipe my nose. “Because I think I understand that kind of choice. I’ve just never needed anyone like that. I don’t need another person to fulfill a goal or to have by my side or to make me feel safe.” My throat clogs. “I just need Tucker because I don’t want to live without him.”
The rain falls harder now, and we duck, hurrying inside the air-conditioned house, the cold piercing the flecks of water on my legs. Johnny shuts the door.
“So, how do I win him over?” I wonder.
From the couch, Callie shouts, “Take your top off!”
I throw her a look. “I’m thinking more long-term here.”
“Get pregnant,” Wyatt suggests. He stuffs a chip in his mouth, and Ritchie nods in agreement beside him.
“Guys, I don’t want to trick or coerce him into being with me. I want him to come to the conclusion that he loves me, and I love him, and we’re better together than being afraid apart.”
Serena gasps. Her eyes widen. She sits on her knees behind the coffee table and puts her drink down and says, “The proposal! Didn’t he fake propose to you at the ski lodge? Propose to him just like that, repeat the same thing verbatim, and it’ll be just like the end ofRunaway Bride.”
I march over and take a swig from her seltzer. “Stop watching Julia Roberts movies as a template for how to live your life.”
Callie starts, “Ugh, she once spent all my money at the mall -”
“You gave me your credit card.” Serena shrugs. “Big mistake.Huge.”
Callie shifts forward on the couch and smiles reluctantly. Her hands run through Serena’s hair. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for her. Forlove. And I can’t believe you and Tuck are finally going to be together.”