Page 143 of Old Acquaintances

“It’s always been real. It’s never been a game to me. I’m so fucking in love with you that I thought I would spend the rest of my life miserable, wanting you.”

I couldn’t fight the giddy smile that broadened my face. I whimpered, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried, Ell. I really tried. I wanted you to see, but I didn’t want to do the wrong thing and lose you completely. Johnny kept saying I would mess everything up if I made a move on you. I didn’t think you could ever love me like I love you.”

“I do,” I murmured. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

The ache in my heart didn’t lessen. It got deeper. “I want to see you.”

“Ineedto see you.”

“I can come to Savannah.”

“I’ll be in Pine Place tomorrow -”

“Perfect,” I said. “I can go home. I’ll meet you at my house.”

Tucker groaned. “Fuck, Ella…is this really happening?”

I covered my tears in his sweatshirt. “Yeah. I love you.”

“I love you.”

“I can’t stop saying it,” I giggled.

“Don’t ever fucking stop.”

“I love you, Eli.”

He laughed. “Tell me something else. Anything. Just keeptalking.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

Today

It floods back to me in little bits. I tell Johnny, “I remember. Kind of.”

I remember the conversation in pieces, the feeling I got when I told Tucker I loved him, and he said it back.It’s never been a game to me.I remember putting on his sweatshirt that smelled like my perfume and listening to his voice. I remember him saying something about San Francisco.

Tucker reads my mind, saying, “He called me and told me you two were doing it. You were going to be together. He even looked for jobs in San Francisco.”

“But I didn’t live in San Francisco then, I lived in Alabama.”

“He knew you wanted to move there. He wanted you to have all of your dreams. He was going to make sure you auditioned for that ballet company.”

The wash of uncontrollable giddiness I experienced that night overcomes my senses. I tuck my legs up on the chair, pressing my face into my knees, twenty-two again and thinking of how much I love my best friend and how he loves me the same. I cry, and Johnny doesn’t admonish me for it. He doesn’t back off.

He groans, “I told him he better know what he’s doing. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“How could he have hurt me? You know him just as well asI do, Johnny, Tucker never hurt me. Ever.” I lift my chin to my knees.

“He always saw you as sexual. He didn’t talk about you like that in front of me or anyone, I’m sure, but I saw the way he looked at you. I didn’t want him to sleep with you and then ditch you like he did with every other girl.”

“It wasn’t like that with us.”

“I know.” He nods. “But he just kept doing the wrong thing with you, Ella. He gets you to drive seven hours, which wasn’t necessary, and then you get into a car accident. Then he doesn’t come to see you in the hospital, he doesn’t talk to you, he completely ignores you.” He allows, “I know it was hard for him. He was going through stuff, but…it still wasn’t fair to you.”

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