“Well, when you inevitably stick your tongue down Tucker’s throat, he’s going to get sick too.”
My eyes go wide, and I clasp my hand over her mouth, walking her backward to the powder room. I gasp, “Johnny is in the living room!”
“So?”
“He’ll have a conniption if he knows how I feel about Tucker. It’s been the biggest thorn in his paw for ten years.”
She leans against the vanity and crosses her arms. “Johnny just doesn’t want things to change. He wants to move his life along, but he wants everyone else to stay where they are incase he makes a misstep and has to backtrack. He needs to fall back on the stability of you and Tucker.”
“How do you know that?”
“Classic anxious attachment.” She waves her handdismissively. “Johnny doesn’t matter.”
“He does, though, kind of. Right?”
“No.” She blinks. “What you have with Tucker is between you both. Your third wheel doesn’t have a say. I mean, he kept you apart for so long. What kind of guy holds his best friends back from love?”
I wiggle in my suit. “So…you think Tucker and I might have been something if Johnny had been okay with it?”
“Babe.” She unties my braid and begins fixing the bottom of it. “I remember when Johnny punched Tucker forwhateveryou two did.”
I recall the reason why Tucker let himself be hit. I explain, “That day Tucker said he needed to keep Johnny’s friendship. He didn’t think he and I could be friends. Johnny’s relationship is the one he wanted to protect.”
“Because Tucker didn’t want to be your friend.”
I consider what she’s saying. “If Johnny said he didn’t care, do you think Tucker would have made a move on me?”
“I think Tucker did make a move. Like, a lot of times. Like, a lot of moves.” She pats the tail of my hair against my shoulder.
I cover my eyes, replaying the hundreds of interactions between us, bookended by the sprinkling of half conversations from this week. I whine to Serena, “He doesn’t love me anymore. He told me.”
“Then he’s lying.”
“How do you know?”
She huffs, “If I decide that I am vegetarian and I tell everyone I’m a vegetarian and want to believe that I’m vegetarian, but I still salivate at the sight of meat, then I’m not a vegetarian. I’m just choosing not to eat meat.”
“But if he says he’s a vegetarian, I don’t want to force myself onto him like some rotisserie chicken predator!”
“Are you listening to me?” She grabs my wrists. “He lovesyou. He’s always loved you. He’s just scared. You just have to show him there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
The powder room door opens, and I gasp, spinning around to see Callie in her bathing suit, hand on her hip. She gestures to me. “Is this your kink now, Serena?”
I pull her inside and close the door. We’re huddled together in a small circle in the tiny bathroom.
Callie whispers, “I feel like a trio of witches.”
“Coven,” Serena corrects.
“Okay, help me,” I start. “I tried wiggling my boobs at him today. He said it did nothing for him. He called me stale white bread.”
“Bitch,” Serena mutters.
“Fuck him,” Callie concurs.
“That’s what I’mtryingto do!” I say. I lean back against the bathroom door. “He’s not attracted to me anymore. I don’t have any other cards up my sleeve. I’m not interesting. I don’t have charisma. I’m not charming or delicate or lovely.”
Serena shakes my shoulders. “You’re wild around him. That’s what Tucker loves about you. You’re completely yourself with him. So be that.”