All our family is here with a few additions this year; Jude and the Parrys. Now that Jude is part of the family (she and Chase might not have gone through with the wedding, but they were about to), she’s been included in every event. I should love it since she’s my best friend and has been since we were babies.

But it’s painful to watch her and Chase be so much in love while I’m relegated to the side almost always. They got to bond together in the lie they told their families. They found someone they trust more than anyone in the whole world. While my world came crashing down around me.

Right now, they’re trapped under the archway into the grand hall in a cycle of mistletoe kisses that is making my stomach turn. I grab tighter to my glass of eggnog and try to look away.

“Isn’t that your third eggnog, dear?” Gram asks as she passes by me.

I narrow my eyes. “And?”

She shrugs. “I’m just saying, that’s hard on the figure. Lots of fat. Sugar.”

I grip the glass tighter. It’s like she knows that I struggled in the mirror before coming here, wondering if the green and red plaid dress I picked out for the occasion was a smidge tighter than usual around my hips. “Yes, I like it that way,” I say with a false smile and then knock back the rest of my drink.

Gram narrows her eyes. “Your attitude, Caroline, is –”

“Gram!” Chase swoops in, wrapping his arm around our grandmother’s shoulder. “I want to give you our gift now. Is that alright?”

Before Gram can protest, Chase has her walking across the room to the pile of gifts under the tree that are meant for opening tomorrow morning. I smile to myself, feeling guilty for all the negative thoughts I was having about my brother just a few moments ago. He always steps in to save me if he can.

Jude appears at my side and smiles. “Having fun?”

I drop my eggnog glass on a passing waiter’s tray and sigh. “Not really.”

Jude’s lips poke out. “How can I help?”

I sigh and then force a smile. “You can’t. Thanks though.”

“Are you still thinking about –”

“No,” I say harshly.

Jude grins. “I didn’t even finish my sentence.”

“I know exactly what you were going to say, though,” I say.

She rolls her eyes. “Have you guys talked?”

“Jude, I’m not talking about this right now.”

“Caroline, I’m your best friend. I know you. You’re looking around at all the Christmas festivities and wishing you could share it with someone because like it or not, Christmas is oneof the most romantic times of the year, and who better to think about a romance with than the guy you just slept with,” Jude says, managing to pinpoint my exact thought process in one go.

I glare at her. “Lower your voice.”

Jude cocks her head. “I’m right, am I not?”

I tell Jude everything. Just because she managed to keep the fake engagement from me for two months doesn’t mean I have the ability to keep from spouting off everything about my life to my best friend. So, the second I got back to Savannah, she got an earful about the situation between me and Jake. And she hasn’t let go of it ever since.

To make matters worse, she told Chase. “People in relationships don’t keep secrets!” she said defensively.

“I’m his sister!” I retorted.

Needless to say, the idea of trust and secrets is going to be a bit of a work in progress when it comes to my best friend dating my brother. Thankfully, Chase tries to avoid thinking about my sex life and hasn’t mentioned it to me.

And I hate to say it but she’s right. I’ve been thinking about Jake nonstop since he left my apartment. I think about the way he came into the kitchen and wrapped himself around me, the wanting between his legs and the soft, tender way he kissed me and murmured in my ear.

I hate how it feels like the kind of relationship I want to have once I’m married and have three kids who are all about to wake up. That my husband, whoever he might be, will still find me sexy and want to be soft on me.

Jake was so damn soft on me. No one has ever been soft on me. I’ve always felt like the anxious groveler, the one trying to get a man to pay attention. Sure, they do their thing, chase me down, but the second I give in to them, they’re tired of me.