Page 57 of Endless Love

Idebate, as I watch Charlotte fall asleep, if I should wake her up.

I know it’s not wise for her to sleep. The wreck was violent—there’s every chance that she could have a concussion. I should be waking her up—but she looks so peaceful that I feel an almost physical revulsion at the thought of disturbing her.

Today has been far beyond what I ever wanted her to experience while she was with me. Full of pain and violence and things that I know she’ll never be able to unsee. And it’s my fault.

I should never have left her alone in the car while I went into that gas station.

Logically, I know it doesn’t all stem from that. Even if I could have avoided Bradley that way—which isn’t a certainty by any means—Niki and Ani were an entirely different situation. They were hot on our heels, clearly, and a little more time and space between us wouldn’t have made enough of a difference.

And Lev.

I grit my teeth, thinking of what just happened. Ani isn’t dead, I don’t think. I knocked him out, hard enough that I might have done serious damage, but I can’t be sure. Ani is theweakest, the most stupid, and the most easily controlled of the three. I felt guilty at the thought of killing him in cold blood, like shooting a loyal dog that should have bitten its master a long time ago. But Niki?—

The sight of him trying to cut Charlotte out of the car and take her with him had made me so blind with rage that I’d wanted to do horrible, brutal things to him. I’ve rarely everwantedto cause pain, wanted to see how long I could prolong a man’s suffering—but I wanted to hurt him. If I’d had time, I would have.

I hope Charlotte never knows that about me.

Niki is dead. There’s no doubt about that. The part of his head that blew away with the shot was clear enough, and if he somehow had still been breathing, the bullet that Lev accidentally put in his back would have finished him off. But Lev?—

I’m not sure that Lev is dead. And that means that for now, he’s still a danger.

I need to put as many miles between what just happened, and us, as I can. I have an idea, as we pass into Idaho, of what we can do for a place to sleep. But we need food, and we need to clean up. And we need fresh clothes. Everything that we had was in the Corolla, now flung around in a mess in the wreckage.

Charlotte doesn’t wake up until I stop at a 24-hour Walmart, far off the beaten path. She doesn’t even wake up when the car stops—I have to reach over and gently shake her, acutely aware of the pain in my own shoulder as I touch hers.

“Charlotte,” I say her name softly, thinking with a sudden, stabbing pain of the soft way she said my name just this morning. That already feels as if it was days ago. And I want to go back there, with a sudden desperation that startles me. I want her, sitting up in the thin, cold daylight, whispering my name behind my back.

I can’t imagine she’ll actually ever say it that way again.

“Mm?” She stirs, opening her eyes as if they’re sticky. They probably are.

“We need clothes. Food.” I look up at the brightly lettered sign. “I think?—”

“Someone is going to call the cops as soon as they see us.”

I run a hand through my hair, wincing as I feel my fingers catch on the dried blood. “You’re probably right. But?—”

“I’ll go in,” she suggests. “I’m banged up, but it’s not too bad. I’ll say I had an accident if anyone asks. Wrecked my bike or something. That I just need a change of clothes.”

“I’m not letting you go anywhere alone.”

“If Bradley or—” she swallows hard. “Or Lev shows up, you’re better equipped to deal with them than I am. If it’s just me out here, it’ll just be a repeat of what happened all over again.”

I don’t ask why she thinks Lev is alive. I don’t think I want to know. “And if they see you and follow you inside?”

“Then I’ll scream. Cause a fuss. Claim that he’s the one who hurt me, why I’m all bloody. While there’s a commotion, I’ll take off running.” She gives me a bright look that I’m sure she’s faking. “It’ll be fine.

I hesitate. Every instinct that I have screams at me not to let her out of my sight again, reminding me of what happened earlier when I left her for just a few minutes. But she’s right. We need food, first aid, and clothes, and in my condition, I’m more likely to raise alarm.

“Okay,” I say finally. “But just take this.” I slip a switchblade out of my pocket, the smaller of the two knives I carry on me—easier to conceal and easier for Charlotte to handle. “I don’t expect you to have to use it. But I’d rather you have something on you just in case.”

Charlotte’s eyes widen, her teeth sinking into her lower lip, but she nods. Her fingers brush against mine as she takes theknife, and I feel my heart trip in my chest, the urge to tighten my hand around hers and pull her in almost overwhelming. But I lean back, watching as she slips the knife into her pocket. “I’ll be quick,” she says, looking nervously towards the store. “In and out.”

I hand her a fold of cash, still fighting the urge to call her back as she slips out of the car and starts to hurry towards the store, her gait still slightly off from how sore she must be. She’s not too badly injured, I think—more banged up than anything else, but I’m still worried about what might not have made itself known yet.

Waiting for her to come back is a million times worse than having gone myself. I try to distract myself while I wait, thinking of what comes next. We need to stay off the main roads and find somewhere to crash for the night. We both need rest, to sleep off our injuries as much as we’re able. I’m worried about going to a motel, after the last few close calls we’ve had, and the best thing I can think of is to go off the beaten path into one of the parks, and find a safety cabin.

It won’t be the most comfortable place to sleep, but we’ll manage. And it’ll be the best bet I can think of for staying off the radar of anyone who might be tailing us.

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