Page 29 of Endless Love

“We’re pretty far out. And I don’t think they’d expect me to take this route. As far as my family knows, I prefer the city to being out in the woods like this, but they don’t know me that well. But then again, Lev can be crafty, when he takes the time to rub all of his brain cells together. So maybe he would think for me to take this route, because he’d think that maybe I’d do the opposite of what he’d expect. But either way—” I run a hand through my hair, sucking in a deep lungful of the crisp, clear air. “There’s been no signs of anyone tailing us for a good bit. So I thought it’d be alright for us to take a little break.”

Charlotte nods, shoving her hands into her pockets as we walk. “Did you just pick a random spot?” she asks, and I shake my head.

“I’ve been up here before. Maybe five-ish years ago, a little more now, even. When my family’s shit started to get to be too much for me the first time, I realized that I didn’t want to be a part of them for the rest of my life. Doing the things they asked of me for the rest of it. I took off on my own for a week or so, drove the Mustang up here in the summer, and spent some time just thinking. I did actually see a mountain lion,” I add with a chuckle. “Scared it off.”

Charlotte snorts at that, and I realize she doesn’t believe me. “Youscaredoff a mountain lion?”

I shrug. “I shot at it.”

“You didn’t just shoot it?”

“Why kill it if I didn’t have to?” I shrug again, looking away so that she doesn’t see the expression on my face, and I hope she doesn’t try to dig much deeper. She knows enough about the worst parts of me, and not enough about the best. I don’t want her to know that the reason I didn’t want to shoot that mountain lion, no matter how deadly, was because I do enough killing in my day-to-day life. I didn’t want to kill something that didn’t need to die. Especially not when I was the one invading its space.

Charlotte looks pensive at that, as we keep walking. “So you’ve been here before. Where are we going?”

“Patience.” I give her a crooked smile. “Just wait. We’ll be there in a minute.”

She looks at me sideways, but keeps walking. A few minutes later, we round a copse of trees, and come out to the view of a huge, glassy lake, fringed by more vibrant trees, reflected in the shimmering lake. I stop, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets as I look out at it, feeling the same way I did five years ago when I came up here. A feeling that, ever so briefly, a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

“This is beautiful,” Charlotte says softly.

“Isn’t it?” There’s barely half an arm’s length between us, but it feels like a gulf. I want so badly to reach out and put my arm around her waist, to pull her to me. “Sometimes I think I could stay out here forever.”

“Why haven’t you?” She glances over at me, and I see a hint of curiosity in her eyes.

“It’s not far enough.” I clench my hands in my pockets, wondering how much of this I really want to tell her. “They’d come after me. Three states away? Might as well just walk up to my father and tell him to his face that I’m walking out on the family business. It’d do me as much good when it comes to what he’d do to me.” I shake my head. “I’ll have to run a lot farther than South Dakota to get away from my father.”

Charlotte lets out a slow breath. “That’s awful,” she says quietly, and the hint of sympathy in her voice is something I want to grab onto and hold, this small glimpse of her feeling something softer for me. “I’m sorry your family is—what they are.”

“I was born into it.” I shrug. “I’ve made some bad choices of my own, Charlotte, there’s no doubt about that. But I didn’t choose that part of it. And I want to get out. And I?—”

The words stick in my throat. I should tell her that I’m sorry I dragged her down with me. But I don’t want to lie to her. I wish that it hadn’t turned out like this—but I can’t feel sorry for the time I’ve gotten with her.

“We should probably head back.” Charlotte shifts next to me. “Unless you actually brought me out here to get rid of me and leave my body in the woods.”

She’s joking, but I feel cold wash through my veins at the thought of anything happening to her. “I would never hurt you.” I turn to look at her, my expression serious. “I would never hurt you, and as long as I have anything to do with it, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure no one else does, either.”

Charlotte laughs softly. “I was joking. But you did want topretendto hurt me, at least. Remember what you told me as Venom? About chasing me through the apple orchard in a mask, and pinning me down in the dirt?”

My entire body tightens. Idoremember, and it’s a memory that’s half pleasurable, half one that I hate, because it’s a reminder that my relationship with Charlotte started with lies. “This isn’t exactly an apple orchard.”

“No, but youcouldchase me through the woods.” She smirks at me, and I can’t tell if she’s being serious, or teasing. Either way, it isn’t funny. Not to me. Not when I feel like this is some way of her testing me, using the fantasies we shared with each other at one point as a way to dig that knife in deeper.

“I don’t want to talk about that.” I turn away from her, glancing back up the path. I might not want to talk about those fantasies, but my body is aching at the thought, my cock stiff in my jeans just from the memory of that conversation with Charlotte.

She’s quiet behind me. I start to walk, and I hear the rustling as she follows me, catching up on the path. I can feel my nails biting into my palms, where my hands are still shoved in my jacket, as I fight the urge to touch her. Sometimes I think I can still taste her on my lips from kissing her at the motel, right after she stole my cigarette.

Sweet and acrid all at once, just like this thing between us. Something I want so desperately, something that has felt like, every moment, that it’s the only good thing I’ve ever really had.

And I can feel her using it as a weapon. Turning it back on me, to remind me that it was all strung together on a web of lies, one that she wants to punish me for.

I deserve it. That thought rattles around in my head, the entire walk back to the car, the autumn color somehow dulledby the fact that we’re leaving this place. I wish I could stay here forever. I wish I could stay here withher.

But I’ve hurt her, and now she wants to hurt me in return.

14

IVAN

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