Page 13 of Endless Love

Or at least his hand.

Gunshots are still peppering the asphalt behind us as the car swerves, and Charlotte screams, clinging to the side of the door as we jolt out onto the road, accelerating as I drive with only one thing in mind—getting us as far away from that fucking motel as I can.

When I finally look over at Charlotte, I can see that her face is paper-white. She’s still gripping the side of the door, frozen still, her lips pressed tightly together. She hasn’t cried, not through any of this, and I don’t know whether to be impressed orworried. I can’t think of many other people who wouldn’t have. At least a little.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her finally, when we’re back on the highway and it’s clear that we’re away from any pursuit. I intend to stay on the highway for a little while, and then get off on surface roads, to make it harder for them to follow us. “I had no idea that he would pull that shit. I definitely didn’t know that Nate would be there?—”

“Because you thought you killed him?” Charlotte swings sharply towards me, her face bloodless, and I’m so shocked that it takes me a second to answer.

“What? No, of course I didn’t fucking think I?—”

“So you did do it.” She faces forward again, ramrod straight in the seat. “You beat him to a pulp and then…carved that awful message in his chest.” The last part sounds forced out from between her lips, as if she can barely bring herself to say it. “Holy shit, Ivan.”

Fuck.I let out a slow breath, trying to think of what I can possibly say to her. I was right about one thing—she doesn’t belong in this world. What I did to Nate was child’s play compared to what I’ve done to other men, and not nearly as bad as what I thought he deserved, and yet, Charlotte is clearly horrified. And I can’t blame her. That kind of violence isn’t normal for her—and I don’t want it to be. I never did.

“He threatened you,” I say quietly, staring straight ahead at the highway in front of us. I check my GPS and take the next exit off, and Charlotte tenses immediately.

“Where are we going?”

“Surface roads. Make it harder for us to be tracked. What, do you thinkI’mgoing to hurt you? That I’m going to take you somewhere and…what? Leave you in a ditch?” I try to hide the hurt in my voice, but I can’t. I’m willing to do anything to makesure this woman is safe, and it’s pretty fucking clear that she’s afraid of me now, too.

On one hand, I can’t exactly blame her, after what she’s just seen. But on the other—surely she’s also seen what I’m willing to do to keep her safe.

“Maybe.” Her jaw is clenched now, too. “Clearly, I don’t know you at all, Ivan.”

That dagger she shoved in me when she told me to take her home and leave her alone twists, and before I can stop myself, I slam my foot against the brake, wrenching the car over to the side of the road and skidding to a stop in the grass. We’re out in the middle of fucking nowhere, Illinois, and there’s no one to be seen for miles. Charlotte seems to realize this, but for all the wrong reasons, because her already bloodless face seems to go even paler.

“You know some things,” I say quietly, my voice hard and sharp. “You know I’d rather eat a burger out at a pub than drop five hundred dollars on a Michelin-starred meal. You know I’ll go apple picking with you on a fall afternoon, when all your other boyfriends would rather stay in and watch the game. You know I’m shit at baking, but I can at least peel an apple, so you make up for the rest of it. You know I make you laugh.” I reach out, my finger tracing down the line of her jaw, because I can’t stop myself from touching her. Even like this, angry and frightened, she’s beautiful. Even like this, I can’t make myself stop wanting her.

“You know what it feels like when I kiss you. You know the way I look at you when you’re all spread out for me naked, sweet as that apple pie we baked. And you know how hard I can make you come.” My fingers close around her chin, and I turn her face to look at me, but she jerks it away just as quickly.

“And how much of that was real?” She looks out of the window, twisting as far away from me as she can get. “Howmuch of that was just you trying to get me to fall for you, so you could have what you wanted from me?”

All of it was real. But I can see that she’s not going to believe that. Not right now. Maybe not ever, with the way things are going.

“Fuck, Charlotte.” I shake my head, putting the car back into gear and pulling back out onto the road. We don’t have time to sit here and argue, not with what we have on our tail. “We can finish this conversation later,” I mutter, gritting my teeth as I start to drive again.

“Let’s finish the one where I found out that you beat the shit out of Nate,” she spits. “And?—”

“Put a reminder on him, since he’s too stupid, or too much of an asshole to know when to quit?” I look over her, feeling a jolt of anger that she won’t let this go. “I didn’t think you gave a shit about him. He cheated on you, remember? Made you feel like shit, even though you didn’t deserve it. Wasted five years of your life. Why the fuck do you care what I did to him?”

“I—” Charlotte stammers, looking down at her hands. “I don’t know if anyone deserves anything like—that. Even if they?—”

“Plenty of people do.” I feel my jaw clench as I twist my hands on the steering wheel. “And some people don’t. I’ve hurt both, Charlotte, doing what I do for my father. And that’s what’s really bothering you, isn’t it? Not that Nate got the shit beat out of him, but that it was me that did it.Me, who you’ve eaten dinner with and baked pie with and watched movies side by side with, like a normal girl with a normal boy.Me, who you’ve let inside you, who you’ve let?—”

“Stop!” Charlotte shouts the word, throwing up her hands. “I get it! I let you fuck me, but I didn’t know, and?—”

“You knew this morning.” The hurt is in my voice again, icing over every word, and I can’t hide it. I know I’ve done more wrongin this than I can probably ever make up for, but Charlotte seems intent on pretending that she has no hand in it. That she was fooled in every little thing, and while I’ve lied to her about plenty that she doesn’t even know about yet, there are some things she did know. And this morning is one of those things I’ll hold on to, even though I know I didn’t deserve that, either.

Her mouth sets in a thin line. “You stalked me.” She swallows hard, the delicate line of her throat moving, and the sight of it makes me twitch in my jeans, aroused despite the argument. Hell, maybe partially because of it. Sweet, innocent Charlotte is beautiful and desirable in every way, but angry Charlotte is a spitfire, and it makes me want to pin her down and fuck her while she spits those angry words at me, until I find out if I can turn those curses into moans.

“Youtrackedme,” she continues, and the anger is back in her voice. “Spiedon me. I heard what Bradley said. That’s how you knew what Nate was saying to me. I never told you about it. That’s how you knew where I ate lunch. You finding me at Cafe L’Rose wasn’t an accident—” she trails off, and I feel myself tensing, knowing how close she is to putting together the rest. To figuring it all out, and then god knows she’ll never forgive me.

I should just tell her. I shouldn’t keep dragging it out. But once I do, any chance of there being anything more between us will be gone. And I’m not ready to let her go just yet.

“You’re right,” I tell her quietly. “And I shouldn’t have. All of that was wrong, but?—”

“What do we do now?” She cuts me off, clearly uninterested in my apologies. Which is probably for the best, because I still don’t know how to tell her that I’m sorry in a way that feels sincere. In the end, what I want is still what I shouldn’t have—a way to keep her. “Your plan with Bradley clearly isn’t going to work out. He wants to throw you into the deepest pit available. And I’m almost inclined to agree with him,” she adds acidly,bitterness coating every word. “I just trust youslightlymore than I trust him.”

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