Page 56 of Well Played

Oscar wants today to be perfect. You’re going to fuck it up like you fuck up everything else. You don’t deserve happiness. You don’t deserve him.

Strong arms hauled me across bulky thighs and slowly the familiar scent of chlorine broke through the first panic attack I’d had in months.

“Breathe.” The command in his voice was something that had derailed my anxiety so many times throughout my life that I obeyed without thought. Fresh, cooling air swept into my lungs and I choked on a sob as I curled deeper into his lap like I had when we were children and our step-father-of-the-week decided to use his fists, or worse, to set an example.

“Where are you?”

“I’m going to fuck it up.” A tear slipped down my cheek.

“Mia.” His voice was an insistent growl, the bass in it vibrating through my skull. “Where. Are. You?”

“I’m with you.” I sniffed.

“Which means…?”

“I’m safe.”

This was an exercise I’d learned with one of the many therapists along the way. Originally, it was designed to orient me to time and space, but when nowhere felt safe, I’d fallen into the pattern of finding safety in people. Namely Luca. And now Oscar.

As my pulse evened out and logic returned, it occurred to me that if I considered Oscar a safe space, then something as trivial as a bad day wouldn’t change that.

“What’s important about today?” Luca asked, pulling me further into the present.

“Marrying the man I love.”

“Good girl. Focus on what’s real. Everything else is just fluff.”

“Ugh. When did you get so wise?”

A snort came from above us. Mateo’s eyes were soft, even as his lips ticked upward in a cheeky grin.

“He learned from the best.”

Luca snorted, and I rolled out of his lap feeling self conscious with the reminder we weren’t alone.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say so many words at once,” Violet whispered to Mateo.

In true Luca fashion, he ignored her.

“Are you all right now?” he asked, climbing to his feet and frowning down at me. I offered him a small smile. “Yeah, I’m better now. Thank you. I just let the bad thoughts win for a minute there.”

He hummed and tugged at the end of my hair, but our sibling moment was cut short by the ringing of my cell. When I saw Elena’s name on the screen, I hit answer immediately.

“Hi Elle, is everything okay?”

“Uh, hi.” I pulled the phone away from my ear to check the caller ID as a sheepish male voice came through the speaker.

“Nathaniel Meyer, I swear to god, if you’ve bothered Mia I’m going to kick your ass. I never should have agreed to this.” Elle’s irate voice grew louder until a scratching sound came down the line followed by an indignant huff.

“Good help is so hard to find these days.”

“Who was that?” I couldn’t resist asking.

“No one. Literally no one. A mistake.”

Holy. Shit.

Oscar’s middle sister was as open and honest as he was, and twice as headstrong. If she didn’t want to talk about whoever that was, it was going to be juicy.

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