Page 13 of Royally Matched

“That must have hurt,” I exclaim.

“Rather a lot as it turns out,” he replies, his eyes dancing, his face lit up in a smile.

Having to tell someone you just met that you burnt your bottom by sitting on a BBQ and then having to waddle like a duck is probably not the first impression he wanted to make on me tonight, and yet here he is, genuinely smiling about it.

“Is your… Are you all healed now?” I resist the temptation to refer to his bottom because, you know, decorum.

“It was a long time ago, ma’am,” he replies.

“But it’s still one of the funniest stories from our year,” Austin says with a smirk. “Quack quack, eh, Duck? Quack quack!” Austin laughs uproariously at his joke once more before he takes a gulp of whiskey and reaches for my hand. “Princess Sofia, allow me to tell you how utterly enchanting you look this evening,” he slurs, sloshing his whiskey against his jacket sleeve, and it strikes me that this man is drunk.

He lifts my hand and plants a sloppy kiss on it, leaving a sheen of saliva that quickly cools. “I am at your service.”

“Thank you,” I reply politely, the saliva on my hand reminding me of my two labradors. I tug it from his once more and discreetly wipe it on my gown.

But Austin isn’t finished with me yet.

“I know you’re holding this Husband Hunting Ball to find yourself a husband, and I wish to offer myself as your prize.” He winks. “A rather spectacular prize, if I don’t say so myself.”

I open my mouth to reply—although what I can say to that, I do not know—when, to my horror, he fumbles in his pocket and produces a small black velvet box before sinking down to one knee, his hand still clasped onto his drink.

My eyes dart in panic from Austin to Duck.Is this really happening?

Swaying slightly, Austin clutches for my hand like it’s the last lifeboat on the Titanic. He gazes up at me, his features serious as a crowd gathers around us.

I fight the urge to flee.

Despite clearly having indulged in too much whiskey tonight, he deftly snaps open the box with one hand, revealing a diamond so large it could be mistaken for one of the chandeliers in the room. “Princess, your search is over. You have found your Prince Charming! And it is I who is she. No, wait. That’s not right. It is you who is her. Nope. Still wrong. Oh, you get what I mean. I’m your husband.”

“Oh, I—” I try to tug my hand away from his vice-like grip, but he’s latched on like a determined barnacle.

“No need to fight it, princess. You and me? We’ll be like... like... bacon and eggs.”

“More like bacon and toothpaste,” I mutter to myself.

As Austin attempts to force the ring onto my finger, my eyes dart around the room, briefly locking eyes with Duck, silently pleading for help.

Where are my siblings when I need them? And why are all these people staring?

Duck swoops in, smooth as silk. “I think you might be rushing things a bit, Austin. Why don’t we grab a drink and discuss the finer points of courtship?”

“Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?” Austin huffs. “What do you say, my dear Princess Sofie?”

“It’s Sofia!” someone in the crowd shouts to a roll of laughter.

This. Is.Humiliating.

“I know that!” Austin snaps, his face flushing.

Duck places an uncompromising hand on Austin’s shoulder. “Come on, pal. I hear the bar’s giving out free shots to rejected suitors. First round’s on me.”

Austin’s eyes light up. “Free shots, you say?”

Taking advantage of Duck’s distraction, I yank my hand free and practically throw the ring at Duck, who catches it with one hand, flashing me a smile as he pulls Austin to his feet.

“I would say that this crisis is averted,” he says to me as he throws a smile my way, and I mouth a grateful “Thank you” at him.

He steers the befuddled Austin away, his arm held firmly around his shoulder. “Now, Austin, my good man, let’s discuss something I find truly fascinating, shall we? The intricate world of lumber mills. I’ve always said there’s nothing quite like the aroma of wood chips in the morning.” Duck gives me a discreet thumbs-up behind his back as they walk away, the crowd dispersing.

---