Page 90 of The Prez

But it turns out, adults don’t know everything. It took me years after I moved out of my father’s house to realize he was bitter about what happened with his and Mama’s divorce and instead of helping me reconnect with you, my family, he worked as hard as he could to smear your name. I didn’t properly grieve Mama’s loss because I was too busy hating you. My father took that away from me and I despise him for it.

He died last week. And with his death came a clarity I never thought I’d have. You came for me. You showed up for me, Raffy.And I did nothing but make you feel as shitty as my father made me feel when it came to you and everyone in Cuba. I miss my family. I miss my home. I miss Mama. I miss you.

I’m truly sorry for what I said to you. I’ll live the rest of my life with regret that I pushed you away.

You saved me, Rafael. You killed your own papa to protect me and Mama. It’s not your fault you were too late to save Mama. You were only fifteen. You were a child and you took on the task of a grown man. You did more than my own father did. You will always be my hero, Raffy.

I hope one day I’ll be brave enough to tell you all this. In a perfect world, I would find you and tell you what a huge mistake I made, but I can’t. I don’t think I can handle rejection from you.

My big brother, my hero. Please know that I love you more than you will ever know. I hope when I get the courage to come to you, to tell you how sorry I am and how much you mean to me, I won’t be met with the same reception I gave you.

That’s what gives me pause. I’m a hypocrite, I know, but I can’t handle your hate. I don’t think I’ll survive. So, until I get the courage to come to you, I’ll pretend our last meeting was in Cuba, where you saved me from a madman and told me you loved me.

I love you too, Raffy. Always remember that.

Love,

Elena

Tears stream down my face as I finish the letter. With gentle hands, I hold it to my chest and finally let the dam burst.

A sob leaves my throat and I let it all out. I cry for my mama, I cry for Elena, I cry for my missing childhood, and I cry for what was stolen from me and my baby sister. Because of hateful adults, we were wrenched from eachother and we didn’t get a chance to reconnect or say goodbye.

Elena spent the last twenty years thinking I hated her. Even when she sent me away, I never stopped loving her. Like her, I imagined our last meeting was when I sent her away in Cuba, getting us help, hearing her tell me she loved me.

If she had shown up one day, I would have jumped at the chance to be back in her life. I always had a soft spot for Elena. All I wanted was to take care of her and make sure she was happy and healthy.

But life is cruel and we never got that opportunity. The bright spot in this whole thing is I have a little piece of Elena with me. He will always be taken care of, never wanting for anything as long as I have breath in my body.

I’m not sure how long I cry, but Omari holds me through it all, whispering that he’s there for me and he’ll help me through it. I know he will. Omari is a rock, always giving me what I need, whether I know it or not.

When I’m all cried out, I fold the letter and put it back in its envelope. I wipe my face and turn to Omari, pulling him in for a kiss. “She didn’t hate me,” I whisper against his lips. “She didn’t think I failed her.”

He smiles, kissing me again. “No baby, she didn’t. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see her and talk to her one last time. At least now, you can read over and over how much she adored you. You’ll know that you were her hero.”

More tears stream down my face as I nod. “I loved her so much.”

“I know. And she loved you. She honored you by naming Little Raf after you. That’s the highest form of love I can think of.”

“Yeah,” I agree. Sighing, I lie down and bring Omari with me. “Can we read more tomorrow?”

“Anything you want, baby.”

“And you’ll be there?”

He leans up and kisses me soundly. “Always. I’ll never leave you, Raf.”

“I love you, Omari Williams.”

“I love you too, Rafael Orozco. So much.”

Smiling, I close my eyes and sink into sleep, my heart fuller than ever.

EPILOGUE

RAFAEL

One year later…

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