Page 33 of The Prez

To stop myself from drooling, I turn around to the room and push the door open. Big Raf hovers just in the doorway, watching as I set the bathtub down and sit down in the rocking chair with the baby. I read a quick story to him, not that he’s paying attention since his eyes have shut since I started rocking us. When I’m done reading the short book, I stand from the chair and walk over to the crib.

Just before I put him down, I turn to my boss. “You want to do it? He’s asleep, but …” I let the words trail off. Big Raf’s eyes grow wide and he takes a step back. I sigh, but don’t let it get to me. He’s doing what he can. I can’t push too hard.

“Yeah, okay,” he says in a small voice behind me. I fight not to spin around and pump my fist in the air. Baby steps.

I pass Little Raf off to him and step back, taking his position by the door. He watches me, practically begging me for advice. “Lie him on his back. You can pull the blanket up around him, but he usually kicks it off in the night.”

Nodding, Big Raf gently lowers the baby into the crib, freezing when Little Raf stirs. I hold my breath, hoping Big Raf won’t bolt, but he reaches down with a shaky hand and rubs over Little Raf’s chest, soothing him.

Tears prick my vision as I watch in real time how Big Raf’s face grows soft when he looks at the sleeping baby.

He pulls the blanket up over his legs and looks at me expectantly. “That’s it,” I say. “I leave the door cracked so I can hear if he cries.”

“Why don’t you get one of those walkie talkie things? Where you hear shit when you’re not in the room.”

I almost laugh at my own forgetfulness. “I didn’t even think about getting a baby monitor.” I look at him from the corner of my eye as we sit down on the couch. “It’s a baby monitor, not a walkie talkie.”

“Whatever the fuck,” he growls, but without the usual bite to it. “You still knew what I meant.”

“I did,” I say with a dip of my head. “You did good today. With Little Raf.”

For some reason, his eyebrows dip and he shoots me a hard look. “Yeah, speaking of your nicknames, Zeke called me fucking Big Raf today. Any idea why?”

I can’t help it. I burst out laughing, holding my stomach as tears leak from the corners of my eyes. I’m cracking up again when I look up and see his scowl. “I’m sorry,” I breathe out when I have my laughing fit somewhat under control. “I called you that to Shane and he told Zeke. It wasn’t intentional, I promise.”

He gives me a skeptical look. “I bet it wasn’t.”

“You want me to stop calling you that?”

He sighs like he’s put out. “No. I’m sure if I told you to, you still wouldn’t. No need to torture myself.” I chuckle again. “What did you want to talk to me about? Is everything okay with the baby?”

I smile and nod. “Everything is great. He has an appointment in two weeks. Thank you for getting his old medical records. He’ll need two vaccinations, but he’s such a brave kid. I know he can handle it.”

“So, what is it?” he asks, not letting me off the hook.

It’s for the best. I need to figure out what’s going on between us. There’s so much tension, so much want—on my part at least—and I need answers.

When I was putting on my private concert and he wrapped his arm around me, I thought I’d combust. His touch, his presence, his words drove me insane and I had to step away from him so he wouldn’t see the tent in my pants.

Rubbing my hands down my pants, I keep my eyes averted when I ask, “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what, precioso?” he asks in a soft voice, so I think he knows what I mean.

My breath catches at the pet name—even though I don’t know what it means—but I swallow down my shock. “What you said. In the kitchen the other night?”

When I glance up, I nearly swallow my tongue. Raf is looking at me with a burning expression, almost aneedfor me shining behind his eyes. He looks hungry.

He bites his lower lip as his gaze lazily roams over me. He takes his time looking me over, eyes darkening as he takes more and more of me in. I’ve never had someone look at me the way he does. I could easily become addicted to the feeling.

When he’s done with his perusal of my body, he drags his eyes up to meet mine. “I did. You don’t think so?”

I shake my head. “Not really. I mean, I’m not an ugly guy, but I’m not … slim,” I finish lamely, not knowing how else to phrase what I mean.

HIs eyebrow ticks up, a confused look on his face. “So?”

I scoff, shaking my head again as I cross my arms over my chest. “So? Because look at you. You’re this handsome man in terrific shape and I’m not. I’m chubby and no matter what I do, I can’t lose weight. I just?—”

Raf cuts me off, sliding over to me, uncrossing my arms from my chest. “I like how you are now. I’m not sure what gave you the idea that I want you to change anything about you. I told you, precioso. I don’t lie. I said you look good and I mean it. Do I have to show you again?”

---