Page 59 of Rat Race

The hole had to lead somewhere. And if I was falling down, and fast, that meant my untimely end would be there at the end waiting for me.

For a moment, it was a bit like how I’d imagined flying to be. Weightless, almost magical in its suspension from reality.

This wasn’t like being thrown during cheer practice. This was something else.

Somethingmore.

Ella’s screams stopped when she hit the water, the only sound in my ears now the whooshing of the wind as I fell. The sound was like music to my ears. But any joy that was brought by it was smashed by hearing Cam fall through the air and hit the ground.

It hurt more than expected. The knowledge that they were hurt. The fear that they were seriously injured even more so.

Was it worth it?A small voice whispered in the back of my mind.You’re gonna end up just like Natalie. Dying a boring, unsatisfying death. Just because you wanted to prove something to the world.

I hated that voice. Hated how it attacked my being. Hated how the same overcritical thing, far too close to my grandmother’s voice, showed me picture after picture of my unsatisfactory life over and over again as I fell.

I didn’t want to listen to it.

I wouldn’t.

“Fuck you?—”

Pain.Mind-blowing, sharp pain flashed through my body as my back hit water and then, far too quickly, the ground.

Cam

If ya bite the hand that fuckin’ feeds ya, expect them to take yours clean off.

Turned out that no matter how many vitamins you took or perfectly balanced meals designed for performance you ate, a twenty-five-foot free fall into a foot and a half of water still hurt like a fuckin’ bitch.

Goddamn, I’m fucking sick of being wet, I thought again.

I didn't remember so much water in previous years. Though, maybe I was just unlucky, you know?

Or maybe I was just making the wrong choices, and this was my punishment. A warning that I was close to losing the Games.And my life.A little tidbit that became abundantly clear as I sat up, rubbing my side irritably.

My body throbbed, my lungs aching with each inhale.

And I fucking reek.There was too much blood. Too much water that’d dried on me.

Like a horse taken out for a hard ride and put back wet.

I’m so fucking done with this.

None of my siblings' Games seemed to be such a disgrace. Such an embarrassment. It was like the Architects went out of their way to degrade the Runners in every way possible.

Maybe they were low on funding.

They’re just better than you,Pa’s voice whispered in my mind.You’re a disappointment. Can’t even get to the end of the Games, let alone make a solid offering.

“Enough,” I whispered, anger making it hard to think straight. “Fucking enough.”

My mind was spinning, trying to come to terms with the fall, almost dying, and the nagging thought that because I wasn’t doing good enough, I was a failure to my family.To my God.

No offering. No winning. No vengeance. No offering. No winning. No vengeance.

My head was pounding with each word echoing through my mind.

Failure. No offering. Failure. No winning. Disappointment. No vengeance.

---