Page 63 of White Hole

She managed to peel my hands apart and step away, then got inside her passenger door. I fell to all fours and huffed in breaths, weeping. The pain was unbearable.

Her car sped past me and she was gone. That was it. I’d never get her back. Gianna would force me to impregnate her. My father would ruin my mother and brother’s lives.

It was hopeless.

* * *

The next few weeks were not my finest. Kinsley never showed up for tutoring. When I asked, Dr. Torrad said Kinsley had “gone in another direction,” but I knew the other tutor wasn’t teaching her, I had asked him, so I wasn’t sure what direction she had gone. Dr. Torrad wouldn’t let me give her notes to pass to Kinsley, nor would she let me know her grades.

Kinsley didn’t eat at the table with us for lunch anymore. I didn’t feel like watching her avoid me, so I started getting my lunch to-go and eating in my truck alone. Enjoying the silence. In the safety ofSerenity, I could pretend like my heart hadn’t been shattered.

Every morning, instead of my regular gym workout, I tailed Kinsley while she ran. She never saw me, but I was there. Watching. Making sure no one came after her. Even if I couldn’t be with her, I wanted to keep her safe. I’d caused her enough trouble. It would be my fault if something happened to her.

In the evenings, I followed her if she left her apartment. She kept up her routine of heading to the various university events. Throwing a hoodie over my head, I stayed in the shadows in case she needed me. Instead of dancing and drinking at the club on Friday nights, she looked sad and distracted. That made me feel conflicted. I was happy she seemed to miss me, but I didn’t want her miserable, either.

Late at night, I had to perform for Gianna. Most nights, I would vomit so much I couldn’t do it and she’d throw things at me or slap me, then kick me out. Usually, I made myself get sick just so she would. Other times I had to eat her pussy and once I had to fuck her, but had a condom on because she hadn’t ovulated yet. That day was approaching.

My only personal time was when Kinsley finally went to bed. From the safety of my truck in her apartment parking lot, I would monitor that her bedroom window lights would darken around 11 p.m. Then, I’d go to Gianna, and after that, I let myself into the observatory.

Like an machine, I stuck to the schedule.

Sometimes I’d fall asleep on the floor of the auditorium, gazing up at the planets aligning. Other times, if the weather wasn’t too cold, I’d sleep outside in mine and Kinsley’s spot under a blanket of stars, always imagining she was there with me, using the sleeping bag as if it were her body.

When Thanksgiving rolled around, Aaron was allowed to come home for a visit. Normally, I’d go with Mason and Levi to Xavier’s to smoke up and chill, but he was with his girl this year. Pretty sure Levi had other plans, too. I was glad to have my little brother home, but also worried he’d use the opportunity to try something stupid. Like drugs or visiting our mother.

After I dropped off a prepared turkey dinner at my mom’s, getting an earful about how she didn’t want me there and wished I’d never been born, I headed to the bus station to pick up my youngest brother. I forced Dan to join me, despite his weary excuses of having to hang out with his teammates that day.

“Too bad. Today’s about family.”

Dan snorted. “Some family.”

As I drove, I wondered where Kinsley spent her holidays. When I followed her that morning, she had changed clothes after her run and drove to a nursing home. I figured she was visiting grandparents there. It only made my heart ache for her worse than it already did knowing how kind and caring she was for others. In my fantasy, I walked in and joined her there, holding her hand and meeting her family like someone important in her life.

But I wasn’t important in anyone’s life.

When Dan and I pulled up to the bus station, I scanned the crowds for Aaron. He said he would meet us out front, but I didn’t see him.

Just as I worried Aaron had gotten lost, or worse, was off on his own doing something he shouldn’t, Dan said, “Holy shit!” He gasped and opened his door, stepping down from the truck slowly.

I looked where Dan’s head was pointed and saw a thick, muscular man with a buzzed head of blonde hair. Holy shit was right. Aaron looked like a completely different person.

Dan walked up to our little brother, and they half hugged. Jumping out ofSerenity, I hurried over and grabbed him into a big embrace. Pulling back, I held his face with both my hands, staring into his light blue eyes.

“What did they do to you?”

He smiled broadly, confidently. “Took your advice. Been hitting the weights.”

Dan slapped his back. “And the food, looks like. You look good, bro.”

As I bent to grab his duffel bag, Aaron snatched it quicker than I could. “I got this.” He slung it over his shoulder like it weighed nothing. “I have a bunch of laundry to do. I hate the machines there. Half of them don’t work.”

We piled into the truck and headed home. Dan drilled our brother about the details of his school, and I listened while glancing back in the rearview mirror at him perched between our seats. He was so different. And not just in his looks.

“Yeah, 6 a.m. every morning,” Aaron replied to Dan’s question about mandatory wake up time.

“Even Sundays?”

“Yes. I don’t have weekends anymore.”

---