Page 45 of We're Not Strangers Anymore

“Fuck. You.” She grinds against me.

I pull her up and sit her on a dining room chair. Taking the rope I have set on the floor, I wrap it around her, tying her to the chair. “Not so fast, Row. You left me after I told you I’m in love with you. I have a body to get rid of, you can stay here and think about your actions while I’m gone.”

I wrap Jc in the plastic I have underneath his body on the table and drag him out to my car as Rowan screams for me not to leave. I’ve told her that I’d never leave her alone again. But she also told me she’s mine, and that was a fucking lie. I’ve already taken out our threat so she’ll be fine for a couple of hours. She risked her life just to run fromme. EverythingI’ve done has been to protect her and she hates me so much that she’d risk it all to get away from me. What makes me even angrier is, I’ve never had feelings for a woman, I’ve never told a woman that I’m in love. As I lift Jc’s body into the trunk I think about how close Rowan and I were growing– or at least I thought we were. Now we’re right back to where we started but worse. The distant sound of Rowan’s cries from inside the house echo in my mind, but I push it away. I need to focus on the task at hand.

Driving to the secluded spot, I keep glancing in my rearview mirror half expecting to catch Rowan trying to leave. But of course, she won’t be able to get out of that chair. I just need to dispose of Jc and come up with my next move. I felt a lot less anxiety when I did shit like this in Chicago. Here, things are a little different. As I pull up to the wooded area, I look around to make sure no one’s here. I pull Jc’s body out of the trunk and drag it deep into the woods. The sound of the twigs snapping under my feet is the only noise, aside from my heavy breathing. I dig a shallow grave and roll his body in, covering it quickly with dirt and leaves. It’s not my best work but it’ll have to do for now. I make a mental note to come back and tie up any loose ends later.

As I head back to the car I feel an overwhelming sense of calm. Conejo’s dead. His right hand man is dead, and Rowan is back where she belongs. I start the engine and begin my drive back to the house, but that calm is replaced with agnawing anxiety. What am I going to do about Row? She’s not going to forgive me easily, if at all. The thought of her hating me forever is unbearable.

When I get home, I find Rowan still struggling against her bonds. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, She glares at me with a mix of fear and anger. Usually that same glare gives me satisfaction but all I feel right now is guilt. I walk over to her, untying her from the chair and she immediately lunges at me, pounding her fists against my chest. I let her. I deserve it. I grab her wrists to stop her and she breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Why?” She chokes out between sobs. “Why did you make me kill him?”

I hold her close, trying to comfort her even though I know she doesn’t want me to. “He was going to take you back to Conejo.”

“So fucking what? I didn’t need tokillhim!” She screams, pulling away from me.

“I know, I’m sorry. I should have done it myself but you fucking ran from me after I told you I love you, Row.” I retort.

She looks at me for a moment with an expression I can’t quite read. “You didn’t even mean that. It was a lie just like everything else.”

“I lied about things, Row. But not about what I feel for you.”

“You know the cliche ‘if you love something let it go’? You need to let me go, Grayson.” Her words feel like a knife to my gut.

“I can’t,” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“I’m leaving.” She stares at me with indifference.

“No you’re not.” I tell her, my voice raising just slightly.

“Yes I am.” She tosses over her shoulder as she heads for the front door.

“No the fuck you’re not!” I charge at her, injecting another shot of M-99 into her neck and she collapses in my arms.Fuck I hate this.

Rowan

I wake up in a panic, tied to the accent chair in the corner of Grayson’s bedroom. My eyelids feel heavy from the drugs and I have a pounding headache. My limbs feel like they have fifty-pound weights attached to them. Grayson is sitting on the bed with a glass of whiskey in his hand and his shirt is half buttoned.

Grayson’s dark gaze lands on me. “I found this in your purse.” He holds up my small notebook. I started writing in it when we got to Italy. I’ve always liked to write when I felt overwhelmed because I have never had anyone to talk to. This whole thing with Grayson brought out too many feelings and I had to get them on paper.

“You didn’t–”

“Yeah I read it. There’s just one part I can’t figure out.” He slurs his words. Turning to the fourth page, he holds it in front of me. “You told me you hate me, but you told your notebook you love me.” He half smiles only for a moment.

“No, I wrote that IthinkI do. But now I know I don’t.” I say, indifferently. No matter how I feel, he doesn’t deserve to know. Lying to me was bad enough but all of this– he fucked up this time.

“I know you want to hurt me, Row. I get it. But you don’t have to hide what you feel.” He looks down. “Please, just tell me how you feel.”

I look around thoughtfully for a moment. “I have a better idea,” my breath comes in shallow gasps as I stare at the bindings around my wrists, the coarse ropes chafing my skin. “We’re going to play an old game. Untie me, if I make it to the front door you have to let me go. No tricks, no games, and none of your fucking tranquilizer.”

He chuckles, a low rumbling sound that sets my nerves on edge. “And if I catch you?”

I hesitate. “Then I’ll tell you how I feel. No holding back.”

The room seems to grow quieter. Grayson’s eyes narrow on me as he studies me. For a moment I’m sure he’s going to refuse. But he smiles lazily. “You’ve got yourself a deal, baby,” he says, pushing himself to his feet with a slight wobble.This is going to be easy. He’s hammered.

He fumbles with the knots around my wrists. My skin tingles where his fingers brush against my skin, but I ignore the feeling. This is my only chance and I need to focus.

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