Page 22 of We're Not Strangers Anymore

“For what?” He asks.

“For drooling on your nice shirt.” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood. He looks at me with a soft smile.

“I don’t know how to feel okay. I don’t want to think about it but I can’t stop.” I say, dropping eye contact. Grayson sits up further, leaning into me and cups my face in his hands. He brushes his lips against my cheek. I shudder at the goosebumps crawling up my neck. His comfort feels so good while I’m this emotional. I don’t care whether I know him well enough or not. I just need this moment. I pull back, and lean in softly brushing my lips against Grayson’s. He reciprocates, crashing his full lips into mine and parting mine with his tongue. He slowly, softly kisses me gripping my thigh with one hand and the back of my hair with the other.

“I want you.” I whisper between kisses.

“No, Rowan. You don’t.” He breathes.

“Yes I do. We’re married, it doesn't matter anymore.” I say, breathlessly. It doesn’t. I saved myself for marriage and now I am married. Our circumstances don’t seem to be changing anytime soon and I’m not going to be a virgin forever. It’s inevitable.

He stops and presses his forehead to mine.

“I’m not letting you do this impulsively. You’re emotional, Row.” He says.

“I don’t care. I don't want to think right now, Grayson.” I pull at the button on his jeans and he grabs my hands to stop me.

“Stop, Rowan-”

“Why? Because you think I’m going to get attached to you? Fall in love with you like all the delusional airheads that you fuck? I don’t fucking want love Grayson! I want my mind off of all of this shit and I don’t want to talk about it!” I choke, feeling the tears coming back. Grayson pulls me into him and I push back from him.

“Did you not hear me?” I cry, “I don't want love or comfort from you! Ever!”

“Okay,” he says, gently laying my back onto the bed. “I’ll take your mind off of it. But I’m not taking your virginity, Rowan.”

He lifts the flowy skirt of my light brown dress and plants light kisses up my thigh, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. He props both of my legs on his shoulder and starts sucking my inner thigh between his teeth. I arch my back and grip his hair, needing to feel him on me, inside ofme. He grips the hem of my red lace panties, pulling them down and slips them off of my ankles. I feel his hot breath against my clit and I lift my hips, desperate for his touch. He darts his tongue out slowly and laps circles over my clit, taking his time as I writhe against his motions. I feel the pressure building quickly, desperate to feel relief.

“Please don’t stop.” I say, breathlessly.

“Then keep your eyes on me. Look me in my eyes while you fall apart, Rowan” He says, a low growl in his voice. I do as he says and feel my core tightening. He picks up his pace and dips his tongue into my entrance while rubbing circles on my clit with his thumb. I meet his movements and the view of his face getting wetter from me sends heat rushing through my skin. I grab his hair with both hands, and grind against his mouth, still holding his gaze and I come. He pulls back slowly and brushes the last of my arousal with two fingers, sucking them between his lips and stands up. I will absolutely not get attached to this man no matter how hot he looks staring into my eyes and licking my come off of his fingers. He sure as hell helped me escape reality for a minute though.

“Go get cleaned up. We’re going to my favorite spot.” He says, staring down at me.

“I don’t want an emotional connection, Grayson. No need to take me on a date after getting me off.” I laugh.

“It’s not a date. I want to get my mind off of some things for a while too.” He says, breaking eye contact. He leaves the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. I sure hope he isn’t expecting me to return the favor, that was just a moment of weakness and he was the only man around to satisfy it.

I pad over to the bathroom to clean up and fix my hair. My cheeks are beet red and my lips are just as bad. I don’t know how I made it this many years rejecting sexual advances yet managed to unfold under Grayson. It’s not him, it’s just the situation. Under normal circumstances, I would have never done this– Even with him.Yeah keep telling yourself that, Rowan.I need to shut my mind up for a while. I’m so off balance that I just let the man that kidnapped me go down on me right after giving me my ex-boyfriends finger in a gift box and telling me that my mom is dead. Everyone has their own way of coping I guess.

Grayson

We pull into the back of the field behind the house, the sky purple with night falling in. I open the passenger door for Rowan, guiding her out by her hand.

Laying a blanket on the grass, I pull out a bottle of port wine.

“Not a date huh?” Rowan rolls her eyes.

“It’s not. I come here to think. Seems like you need a place to think too.” I say, opening the bottle and handing it to her. She grips the neck of the bottle and takes a swig.

“I just never would have thought. I mean I literally did everything I could when I turned eighteen to get away from him and his fucked up lifestyle. We haven’t spoken inyears.Now I’m caught up in this mess with you because of him.”She says, looking at the evening sky. She’s so precious and genuine. I don’t understand how anyone could hurt her. Especially her own father. All she wanted was a normal life with parents who loved her.

“He’ll never get to you as long as my brother and I are around. You won’t even have to see his face.” I assure her.

“It’s not even that. I’m not scared, at least not with you.” She looks down at her lap.

“It’s the fact that I got away and still ended up getting fucked over by him. I knew we didn’t have much of a father-daughter relationship, but I didn’t think he would be so indifferent to my existence that he’d just sell me off to some crazy mafia man– no offense,”

Oh, he’d do much worse than that.

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