Page 76 of Liam

My chest rocked up as I breathed in. "You have every right to question me."

Liam turned in his seat to face me. "Did you think I would dump you someday because of your disability? Is that why you wanted to pull away first?"

I put my hand on his. "I know you would never do that to me."

"Then fuck." Liam pulled his hand away. "Am I that unlovable?"

Tears rimmed my bottom lids. Liam thought this was his fault. That I'd made up an excuse to get away from him. His conclusion was the furthest thing from the truth.

"You're not unlovable, Liam." I looked down at my hands. I couldn't look up and see the potential hope in his eyes. This wasn't us getting back together.

"Then what? Did I do something to upset you? I have no idea how to participate in a healthy relationship but I'm desperate to learn if it means keeping you in my life."

I wiped a tear off my cheek.

It felt as if my soul was being dragged through broken glass for a second time. The man I loved was practically begging me to take him back. And I had to turn him down—again.

"This wasn't a good idea," I said. "I don't think we can be friends."

I backed away from the bench. I had to make a quick retreat after Liam lifted his head to look at me. His face was covered in tears. My vision was blurry as I made my way back to my car.

It took me a while to compose myself enough to drive. I couldn't go back to work at the youth centre. I called one of my volunteers and asked them to lock up for me at the end of the day.

I headed straight home and hid in my room. I tried to nap but the churning pit in my stomach wouldn't let up. My insides were being destroyed. I was in love. A state of being I hadn't believed would ever be possible for me again. I'd resigned myself to the possibility, I would be alone for the rest of my life. No man would want someone physically and emotionally damaged.

Liam, in his actions and words, had proved he wanted and needed me regardless.

And I'd pushed him away.

My life felt entirely over once again. What Richard and I had been building had been disassembled by my accident and how I'd reacted. And this time, once again, it was my fault.

Reluctantly, I emerged for dinner.

"Jamal," Mamma said at the table and touched my hand. "Is everything all right?"

"I'm not seeing Liam anymore."

"Oh?"

"We tried going back to being friends, but it was too hard for both of us."

"I'm sorry."

I looked up and down the table at my family. My dad and grandparents made no notice of my misery. Meera frowned at me. She could tell I was hurting. David and Zahir simply looked puzzled.

Dadi stunned me.

"Where's your lovely friend, Liam? He hasn't been home for dinner in a while."

I couldn't answer her.Home. It was her mild dementia mixing her words, but she was right, Liamshouldbe here. He should be here every night with us. He'd become part of my family.

I propelled myself abruptly away from the table and headed for the staircase. For the first time in a long time, I felt like throwing myself down them. Maybe the spinal cord injury would be complete this time if I succumbed to the urge to rocket off the edge. I teetered at the top of the stairs, my hands gripping the wheels, my fingers poised to try and increase my pain.

Because I deserved it.

I shuddered and started sobbing.

That damned car should have killed me. I could have avoided so much emotional torture.

---