Page 83 of Substitute for Love

She didn’t care that random strangers were staring at her while she sobbed, at first walking, then running to the parking garage. Last night she had talked to Claire about how today should go, Claire trying to convince her to tell Gabe how she felt.

“Don’t let a guy like that slip through your fingers, Avery. I know I told you to protect your heart, but what if he’s the one who can help you heal it?”

Avery felt the truth in her words. But ultimately, as Avery fell into bed and fought through a sleepless night, she knew what she had to do. And that was to let Gabe go. If she professed her feelings at the airport, he was impulsive enough to drop everything for her. He didn’t deserve to give up on his dream. He would never ask that of her, so why would she open the door for him?

No, the new plan was to wait until he left. THEN text him. Because then he wouldn’t have the option to stay behind. And at least he’d know the truth, he’d know her feelings for him. If he wanted to respond, fine. But sending him a message could allow her to think through what she wanted to say and allow him to process it without feeling pressured into doing a grand gesture.

Because life wasn’t a movie. Or a Jane Austen novel. Or even a Shakespeare play. Sure, their kisses had been. Their momentsof flirting and dancing and banter in a medical clinic for heaven's sake had been movie-worthy or even romcom book-worthy.

But she liked Gabe too much to ask him to choose her over his dreams. No, not liked. Loved. She loved him.

Avery drove in silence all the way back to west Phoenix, in between sobs, reaching home around 6:40 AM. She got ready for the day, Emmett by her side, all the while her body buzzing with what she was about to text to Gabe. She had to time it just right. When would he be in the sky?

By 7:10 AMshe couldn’t wait any longer. Avery had to get out the door and to the school to her sub job for the day: art class, which would be interesting. She wasn’t much of an artist, but it wasn’t about her. The students were the ones learning and drawing.

How would Gabe teach art? She shook her head, trying to shake a possible future Gabe out of her mind. She sat on her bed and laced her shoes, Emmett resting his face on her lap.

She smiled at the dog, rubbing his ears. “What you could tell me about Gabe, if you could only talk. What a good dog.” She leaned her head on his and kissed the top of his head. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she opened the text window and started typing.

AVERY: Hopefully you’ve taken off by now. Our own Indiana Jones, off to find treasures. I’m so proud of everything you’ve done to get where you are. I’m so glad we got to meet and spend time together before you left. You’ve become a good friend.

She sent it. Already it was getting long, and she had only just begun.

AVERY: Ok, more than a friend. I think we both know our timing was off. Our exes didn’t make it easy, did they? *Smiling emoji*

Send a meme here to break it up?No, Avery, focus. Quit stalling and tell him how you feel.Her fingers trembled as her heart poured onto the screen.

AVERY: The truth is, I loved you from the first moment we met. Your big blue eyes could see into my soul. I felt things I had never felt before. Then you rescued me from the students, and I knew. Not because you were some hero, but because you are so caring. You already know I think you’re handsome on the outside, but you are even more handsome on the inside. Your voice, your embrace, your kiss, they all send me to a place I never knew existed. You are out of my life for the next few months, and I can’t make any promises. But when you come back to pick up Emmett, maybe we could start over. Go out on a real date.

There. Send. Avery took a deep breath and shakily let it out. All the pent up excitement and anxiety over what to say flooded out of her. She nodded at her choice to tell him what she felt. Now only calmness remained in her mind and body. She took a deep breath, said goodbye to Emmett and her mom, then headed out the door and drove to school.

Chapter 27: Gabe

Gabe mechanically went through security, then he mechanically found his gate. He plopped into a seat and sighed, the sigh of a man who had missed the opportunity of his life.

Originally, he had thought Egypt was the opportunity of his life. He loved archeology. It was as much a part of him as breathing, or his dog, or even substitute teaching, of all things.

But Egypt wasn’t Avery. Regret settled into his chest as he played over the many, many times he could have told her how he felt. At the school. At her house. At the library. In the car. In the airport. What had held him back?

His own cowardice. And he called himself Indiana Jones. Would Indiana Jones let a girl slip through his fingers? Maybe not. But Indiana Jones wasn’t exactly the best person to emulate when it came to women. Adventure and treasure? Yes. Women? No.

For so long Gabe had sought out anyone, anywhere to fill the void. To be the connection he needed. All the while, he hadn’t found the right person. He knew that now. Except he had let her go.

He looked up, double checking his gate with his tickets. Yes, he was in the right place. There were two stops before he’d reach Cairo, the first in Washington, DC, then Frankfurt. It would be a long day of travel.

What time was it in Austria? He hadn’t called his parents to officially thank them for their generosity. He fiddled with his phone, tapping around apps hoping to calm his nerves. Who cared what time it was, he couldn’t sit here stewing about Avery. He had to talk to someone. He already knew what Claire wouldsay. Doreen wouldn’t be at the school until when? Maybe soon. But he felt like he owed his parents more honesty. If Claire had taught him anything, it was to be there for the ones you love.

“Hey mom. Oh, hey Dad. Yeah, I’m about to take off for Egypt. Crazy right? I wanted to tell you both how much I appreciate your help. I know we haven’t been in touch, but you guys have always come through for my passion in archeology, and I want to say how thankful I am for that.”

His parents said it was nothing, they wanted to see him happy. “Ever since you saw your first Indiana Jones movie, you were hooked,” his mom said.

Gabe smiled. “I’m bringing the hat you guys got me for Christmas. I’ll put it on as soon as I land.” He paused, taking a deep breath and rubbing the back of his head, wishing he could settle his fidgety legs by pacing the entire terminal, but that would be awkward with his carry-on.

An announcement came over the loudspeaker at his gate. “Flight number 7549 to Washington, D.C. has been delayed by about forty-five minutes.”

Gabe ignored the announcement. “Can I talk to you guys about something else really important?” Getting the words out proved difficult. He was nearly thirty years old and wasn’t used to coming to his parents for things like this. But he was desperate.

“I sort of… well.” He sighed then closed his eyes. “I fell in love with someone, but I didn’t tell her. She dropped me off at the airport, and we left as friends. I don’t know what to do. I can’t forget about her. But I’m leaving.”

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