Page 122 of Her Cold-Hearted Alpha: Part 1

"You sure you’re ok?" Elijah asked me and I hated the fact he actually looked concerned.

"I'm fucking fine."

No, I wasn’t, I felt like I had a storm of emotions and conflict raging within me.

This morning he had asked me about my engagement and I had told him the plans - the security and all. The only issue was, with the large influx of wolves coming for the mating ceremony we were going to have a lot of people coming in and out. The risk of something sneaking in with them was higher. We were holding the engagement at the same location as the mating ball, away from my pack, I was not going to let hundreds of wolves into my territory for them to get a good insight on my security. Especially now with Kiara here, I wouldn’t risk her getting hurt.

Kiara had become my weakness.

For her, I’d lay my own fucking life down, but I also didn’t want them to hurt her because of me. Sure she was a target already, but still, things could be worse. I could lose my self-control and do the same thing to her that I had done to my own mother. I had cared for her, loved her… but I still killed her without an ounce of compassion.

I couldn't, wouldn’t, do the same to Kiara.

I knew she was made for me. The connection I felt for her… The woman she was… I guess the moon goddess made me wait because she was carving me a goddess herself… Perfection took time, and Kiara was the epitome of perfection. There was nothing I’d change about her…

"Alejandro." I looked up and saw Elijah frowning. "Are you sure you’re ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, now fuck off." I grunted. He gave me a glare and I stood up. "You should head back, I'm going for a run."

He nodded and we went our own ways. I just needed to let loose some of these emotions.

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I got home after four am. I felt a little better having been able to release all my pent up frustration into running. I mean, I wasn’t even in the mood for a fuck these days, well if it didn’t include Kiara anyway. I walked down the hall, deciding I’d crash in my office. Despite everything being stripped in my room, I could smell the blood and death that lingered. I was in the process of having it repainted, re-carpeted and with all new fucking furniture.

I paused at Kiara’s door, the smell of hazelnut chocolate lingered, calming me a little more. I couldn’t stop wishing I could just walk in and hold her, that would surely calm me the fuck down. Fuck, I was going in circles. Staying away was the plan, remember? I was about to carry on when I froze. The smell of Rayhan was strong here too now… My heart raced, my stomach sinking as I looked at Kiara’s door.

Don’t.

I couldn't help myself, I turned the door handle slowly, my heart pounding faster than it ever had before. Assuming something and actually seeing it were two very different fucking things. The smell of sex, alcohol, sweat and Kiara’s arousal lingered in the air. The floor was scattered with bottles but the only thing I could focus on was the couple tangled up on the bed under the sheets.

You know how you hear people say it hurts so fucking much that it becomes hard to breathe? I never got that, not until now. Seeing Kiara in bed with him… I ran my hand through my hair.

Fuck.

I couldn't focus on anything, the room suddenly became too small, my heart was squeezing fucking painfully and the agony of the entire situation was killing me. I stepped back, my foot hit a bottle and I saw Rayhan sit up sharply.

Our eyes met in the darkness. I don’t know what he saw on my face but the look of guilt that crossed his own only hurt more. I hated having people see this shit side of me. He untangled Kiara from himself, placing her arms down next to her and making to get out of the bed.

"Uncle-" He began in a whisper.

I shook my head, I couldn't do this. I didn’t want to hear it. I turned and walked out.

I fucking wanted to claw my heart out and toss it aside. I needed to take this pain away. I walked swiftly to my bedroom which was now partially empty and straight over to the window. I jumped out just as Rayhan ran into my bedroom.

"Uncle, please listen!" He called.

"You have nothing to say I want to fucking hear." I growled venomously.

I didn’t stop; I broke into a run and I was gone. No one could catch me, not unless I wanted them to.

With every heartbeat, every second that went by, I couldn't take the picture of Kiara out of my head. Her hair half-covering her face, her arm around Rayhan’s waist. His head resting on top of hers… The marks that had littered her neck…

(TRIGGERING CONTENT – SLIGHT DISTRESSING SELF HARM AHEAD – PLEASE SKIP TO THE END OF THE CHAPTER IF THIS CAN AFFECT YOU)

I made my way to the cells, straight to the fucking supply room where we kept the silver, wolfsbane and other poisons. I once said I needed to feel the pain to feel alive. Right now, I needed to feel a pain stronger than what was hurting me inside. A pain so strong that this shit inside didn’t hurt anymore. I could feel an unfamiliar sting in my eyes as Kiara flashed before them.

Was this what heartbreak felt like? I didn’t even know I had a heart…

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