Page 33 of The Gamma's Second Chance

The call ends, and it’s silent once more. It’s reminiscent of the silence from those early days of me being here, when Nolan avoided me and spoke very little to me. Back before he started opening up and giving me hope.

My heart clenches for the briefest of moments. One tick of a grandfather clock, a singular flap of a hummingbird’s wings, and then I shove it all down and leave the living room to do exactly what I told my mother I would do—exercise.

I put little thought or care into my outfit, grabbing casual workout clothes—a sports bra, tank top, and bike shorts—andrunning shoes instead of my usual outfit of a dress and sandals. I head into the bathroom across the hall to get ready for the day and throw my hair into two quick, messy French braids before changing my clothes.

But when I dress, I somehow grab Nolan’s shirt again instead of my tank top, pulling it on over my sports bra without a second thought. The fabric settles over my torso, warm and soft, and still holds Nolan’s scent in its fibers. I stare at myself in the mirror, hating how much I enjoy how I look in his clothes, hating how right it feels to wear his shirt.

I shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t go outside wearing it. He didn’t give it to me to keep, and he didn’t give it to me with any intent other than to keep me from exerting myself more. And it hangs well below the hem of my black bike shorts, making it appear as if I’m wearing nothing underneath it.

But I don’t care. I don’t change into my tank top, even though I should. No, I tie the hem of his enormous shirt in a knot near my hips instead as I exit his house to begin my run.

I freeze on the top step of the porch, though. Because there, on the front walk, is an almost full-grown gray and white wolf wearing a light purple tutu.

We stare at each other, its head tilted with one ear flopping to the side, tongue lolling out of its mouth.

“Hello.” I give it a tentative smile. Its tail wags back and forth once, then stops.

I glance up and down the little quiet road Nolan lives on, but there is no one around to ask about my peculiar, unexpected visitor. A wet nose rubs my palm, pulling my focus down to my feet, where my new friend now sits, staring up at me expectantly.

My smile grows, and I pat its head, fingers weaving into its thick fur. Its eyes close as I scratch a little, stretching its neck and pointing its nose up towards the cloudless blue sky. As soon as I drop my hand, the wolf nudges my calf and dartsaway, down the porch and across Nolan’s front yard at a sprint, stopping at the edge of the lawn, crouched and waiting for me, ears perked up and eyes wide.

“You want to run with me?” It spins in a circle, chasing its tail several times before stopping in the same pose. “All right, all right!” I prance down the steps and jog towards the street, waving it towards me with one hand. “Let’s go!”

I turn left and take off, heading towards the main road instead of through the trees behind the house like I did the other day. The pitter patter of wolf paws sound behind me, and I check to see the wolf following me, purple tutu flouncing as it runs, its tongue once again hanging out the side of its mouth.

He stays a few paces behind me for most of the run. We skirt the training fields and then head into the forest, following the winding path that weaves through the tall redwood trees. The sunlight trickles down through the boughs, bringing just enough warmth with it to make my skin dewy with a thin layer of sweat, but the breeze and the shade keep away the full heat of the warmer-than-normal spring day. Birds chirp, and the sounds of the warriors training and Beta Reid and Delta Sebastian calling out orders can be heard bouncing off the trunks of the trees, but with the distance I can’t make out the specifics of their words, just the command and the urgency behind them.

I reach that same fork in the path from the other day, the one that leads to the outlook where I bumped into Nolan, and pause, swiveling my head between the two options.

My feet carry me towards the left path, the harder, more strenuous one, the one that will require more focus from me and be more of a distraction from everything I don’t want to think about. But an image of Nolan standing at the edge of the outlook with his hands on his hips as he looks out towards the training fields flashes in my vision.

I flinch back as the image fades, arms hugging my stomach and my heart skipping a beat in my chest. His scent—fresher and spicier than the hint of it lingering in the fabric of his shirt I’m wearing—fills my lungs and swirls around me, carried by a heavier breeze than what’s been blowing through the forest during my run. I swallow against the lump forming in my throat, annoyed with how quickly it appears from just a brief vision of him and a quick whiff of his scent.

I take off down the path back towards the main grounds, the memories of yesterday and beyond once again slamming into me, playing over and over again like a movie on repeat. I pick the moments apart, holding them up to the light like a jeweler examining a diamond for flaws, searching through them for the hidden clues I missed that should have been signals of his actual intentions, his true feelings.

But I find none, which makes it all worse. It makes the pain deeper and harsher. It’s etched into the fibers of my soul, and only the Goddess knows how long it will take for those marks to fade.

This isn’t like me. I’m not one to wallow. Especially not over something as insignificant as realities I can’t change. But his words—it can’t happen again—echo through my mind and resonate in my bones each time my foot slams into the dirt path, reminding me with every step I take that I was a fool. A delusional, infatuated, lust-driven fool.

It can’t happen again. We can’t allow that risk.

Harmless words. And true. His job—and mine—is protecting Haven. It’s a job both of us love and take seriously, one we would both give our lives for if it came to that. I love the work I’m doing here, helping her and Alpha Wesley and their unborn pup, and I hope in the future, if they have more pups, I’m once again asked to stay in Crescent Lake and help protect her. Not only because there’s no one else who can do it, but because I want to do it.

But that’s all it is for him. A job. Our relationship isn’t anything more than coworkers. Two beings with a shared goal. He made that very clear.

And it shouldn’t hurt as much as it does to be reminded of that. It shouldn’t feel like sandpaper against my heart or walking over smoking hot coals. It shouldn’t feel like a noose circling my throat, growing tighter by the second, or like I’m staring directly at the sun without sunglasses.

My ever-constant, tutu-wearing wolf shadow jogs forward to join me at my side. Its wet nose nuzzles against my hand again as hot tears fall from my eyes and down my cheeks, tears I didn’t realize formed because I was too caught up in my thoughts and focused on the path in front of me.

I stop right before the edge of the tree line, palm against a trunk to keep my balance as I cover my mouth and stifle my sobs. I spin and lean against the tree, sliding down it, and I bring my legs into my chest as I hit the ground. The wolf sits next to me, chin on my knees, and I hook my arm around it, hugging it as I let the pain of Nolan’s unintentional rejection hit me again.

I let it flow from my bruised heart in unfettered waves. It ripples out of me like a raging river as I mourn the loss of something—someone—I never even had. It’s fueled by my exhaustion from always wearing a smile, by my anger at myself for believing I’d found something that could be real and mine, and by my acceptance of all the reasons we’d never be good for each other in the first place.

My new wolf friend and I sit together until my tears stop and my eyes are dry, and the camera on my phone shows me there is no redness or puffiness on my cheeks or nose. Then we both get back on our feet and run the last several yards of the path out of the forest and back towards the main pack grounds, a sunshiny smile painted on my face once more.

Chapter 12

CASSANDRA

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