Page 53 of The Beta's Blind Date

I’ll tell her the truth once she knows we’re mates. Once she can feel the bond too. I’ll tell her I knew the whole time. And I’ll take whatever she dishes out for lying to her. But I’m not letting her go. Not without a fight, at least.

I finish getting ready, throwing on a sweatshirt since I won’t be working out, and the winter chill has settled in to stay for the season. Then I grab my phone from my bed, shooting off another text to Taryn before I head to our tournament with Amber Forest today.

Me: Tomorrow. 11 a.m. sharp. Don’t be late.

I stick my phone in the pocket of my gym shorts and head into my kitchen to grab my water bottle and a quick bite to eat. My dad is there, sitting at the counter, a mug of coffee—probably cold—held in his hands as he stares straight ahead, eyes glazed and unseeing. He turns the entire sky-blue kitchen to shades of gray with his looming despair and despondency.

I pause in the doorway, half in and half out. Half of me prepared to turn and leave, half of me prepared to slide into the role I’ve filled for eighteen years.

Three days have gone by since we tried on our tuxes, and he’s back to the male he was when I arrived home after my date with Taryn a week ago. The lifeless, hopeless, heartbroken male who can’t keep himself together.

The picture of what I could be. Of what any of us could be if we lose our mate.

The picture of what I’ve feared since I was nine years old.

Every fear, every insecurity, every reason I’ve pushed the idea of the mate bond away for so long sits right there in my kitchen, in the form of my dad. And all of it rushes back to me, reminding me why and planting seeds of doubt, sprinkling them between the flowering determination that began blossoming during our training yesterday, like weeds in a garden.

If she becomes my everything, then I have everything to lose.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, pulling my focus away from the depressed male in my kitchen, the male who isn’t my father, but a shell of the man he was before my mom died. I drift back into the hallway, hiding in the shadows made by the rising sun as I pull my phone out of my pocket.

My Girl: Sir, yes, sir! ;)

Even with my weighted thoughts threatening to turn me back into the male I was before I met her, I chuckle to myself at her response. Then I lock my phone and put it back in my pocket, heading out of our apartment without a glance back towards the kitchen. I’ll grab a bagel and a water bottle in the packhouse kitchen.

I love my dad, but I don’t have it in me to be his caretaker today. Not right now, at least. Maybe later, after the tournament is over. After I’ve worked off some steam. I doubt he’ll recover before then.

I reach the field, cleared of snow already by whichever unlucky warrior trainee drew the short straw last night, and I cross my arms as I watch our warriors warm up. The winter sun is bright, but its warmth doesn’t reach us like it does in the spring and summer. A chill lingers in the air, so strong you can smell how cold it is. The lake is frozen, and the entire forest is dusted with layers of snow, clinging to and covering the needles of the redwood trees.

It’s exactly how Haven envisioned it for her and Wesley’s wedding. A winter wonderland.

And while it’s beautiful, I can’t bring myself to appreciate the view. After the events of this morning, my mind spins and spirals, a whirlwind of whys and what ifs. Why can’t she feel the bond? Why can’t I find information on reasons a wolf might not feel their mate bond? What if she hates me when she learns the truth?

Or what if she doesn’t? What if she wants me? And what if… what if I lose her someday?

“Are you okay?” Sebastian asks, sliding up beside me as I overlook the training grounds.

My brow furrows. “Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs, crossing his arms and mimicking my stance, gazing out at the stretching warriors. “Just lately, it seems like you’re tied up in knots. It’s a wonder you haven’t needed to see a chiropractor.”

My spine goes rigid, my heart skips a beat, and my stomach drops to my feet. I look at him out of the corner of my eye, not turning my head at all.

His eyes are on our warriors, observing them. He doesn’t notice the effect his words have on me, doesn’t realize how on the money he is.

Or does he? I can never tell with him.

“I’m a little stressed, I guess. Wesley’s been busy helping Haven with wedding stuff, which means he’s delegating more tasks to me. I’m sure I’ll be fine once they’re back from their honeymoon and things go back to normal around here.”

“There are three of us to cover those jobs, you know,” Seb says. “Don’t feel like you can’t ask Nolan or me for help just because you’re the beta.”

“I know.”

“Alpha Benjamin and his warriors are here,”Wesley mindlinks us.

“I’ll get our warriors ready,” I reply.

“Listen up!” I say, strolling out onto the field. All our warriors freeze, standing up straight and facing me, waiting for my instructions. “The Amber Forest warriors are here. I expect you all to be on your best behavior and in top form for all the races today. Let’s show them what it means to be a Crescent Lake warrior!”

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