Page 127 of The Alpha's Pen Pal

I was lost in my own thoughts, back to second-guessing every moment Wesley and I had spent together since that night at the lake. Was it all fake? Had it meant nothing to him?

“Haven?” Jack asked.

I blinked, then set my fork down and wiped my mouth with my napkin. “Sorry, what?” I replied.

“I asked if you’re ok?”

“Oh yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” I said with another one of those fake smiles I’d perfected.

They all just looked at me with varying degrees of “I don’t believe you” plastered on their faces.

I sighed and then shook my head. “No, actually, I’m not. Wesley and I—we um… well, I asked him for some space to think about some things. I found out he was lying to me about something—something big—and I didn’t know how to feel about it.”

Scott scowled and opened his mouth to speak, but Shirley cut him off before he could even start. “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry.” She reached across the table and grabbed my hand to give it a gentle squeeze. I forced a small, grateful smile. “Is it something you two can work through?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve tried calling him, but he won’t answer or call me back. I—” I inhaled and covered my mouth with my napkin, hoping they wouldn’t notice my trembling hands.

“Well, that doesn’t sound like Wesley at all,” Shirley said, furrowing her brow.

I nodded in agreement. “I know. And now I—I feel—”

I stopped again. I felt like I’d felt all those years ago when I’d lost my family and my only friend. I felt alone and abandoned. Like no one in the entire world cared what happened to me. Like everyone and everything was against me, and didn’t give one thought to how their actions affected me.

And I was the reason for all of it. I was the cause of my pain and my sadness. My one choice had changed the course of everything, had set my life down a path that wouldn’t have appeared if I’d just been a good kid.

Tears pricked the back of my eyes, and I put my elbows on the table and my head in my hands.

“I’m sorry,” I choked out, shaking my head.

“It’s okay, Haven, you’re allowed to be upset,” Shirley said.

“I ruined everything.”

“It’s just dinner. You’re not ruining anything.”

“I ran away! I ran away, and then they took me away. If I had just stayed, then everything would be different.”

Everyone froze as they realized what I was talking about. And everyone was silent as the truth of my words settled over the room.

“If I’d stayed in my room, then I’d still be Haven Kenway. I’d still be with you. I would never have lost touch with Wesley. And I’d be happy and with the only family I ever really had instead of with people who—” I pursed my lips as a choked sob tried to force its way out.

“It’s all my fault,” I whispered, not even sure if I was referring to being taken away from them or everything that was going on with Wesley or all of it.

“Haven, it wasn’t your fault,” Scott murmured from beside me. I looked at him, and his eyes were rimmed with red. “It was my fault. I should have kept a better eye on you. I should have paid better attention and realized something wasn’t right. And I should have stood up for you and insisted they let you see Dad.”

My lip trembled, and he opened his mouth again, but Shirley started talking first. “It’s my fault. I wouldn’t let you see him because I was too afraid of how you would react to his state. And I—I was too far gone in my own depression to—”

“Enough!” Jack exclaimed, his voice raspy. “It’s no one’s fault!”

I shook my head, but he stood from his chair, limped over to me, and hugged me. “It’s not your fault, anymore than it’s Scott’s or Tiff’s or Shirley’s or mine. It’s just something that happened, and there isn’t anything we can do to change it. You can’t keep blaming yourselves,” he said, looking at each of us. “It’s not your fault,” he whispered, tucking my head under his chin.

I let it all out then. All of it. Every single tear of pain and sadness I’d held back since that day the cop pulled me away from my family fell from my eyes uninhibited. Scott took my hand and squeezed it, his shoulders shaking as he joined Dad in hugging me, and Mom came around the table and put her arms around all of us.

I realized then I wasn’t alone. Not truly. I wouldn’t ever have to feel the way I had since that day in the hospital because they would always make sure I wasn’t alone.

And as the flow of my emotions ebbed, and I let myself feel the love of my true family, I sent a small thank you out into the universe.

I didn’t believe in fate or a higher power. Not really.

---