Page 20 of Tyrant

“Yeah,” I mumble, throwing myself out of the old wooden chair. I walk to the fridge and get out a bottle of water. I drain half of it and feel so sick that I might throw it back up.

“He might have changed, we all have, but he’s still the best man I’ll ever know. He doesn’t look like the man you knew, and I told you that, but I couldn’t really prepare you for it. Underneath that new gruffness, he’s still got the same good heart.”

Acid burns up my throat. I don’t mention Gray’s father. I heard that from my own dad as he blandly recited rumors from the past five years without any heat and a fair bit of frightening numbness. “Okay.”

“He wants to take you for a ride and apologize. Go with him.”

I whip around, the water in the bottle in my hand sloshing up violently. “What? Penny’s in bed. I can’t just leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere until late. I’m trying to keep up with work and the club, but everyone is working hard to try and force me not to. They all want me to be here. My brothers are good men. Rough as heck, some of them, but hearts of biker gold.”

“You’re so over the top.” I roll my eyes, trying to figure out a way out of this. “Gray brought his bike. I can’t ride back there. You know that- that means…”

“It’s Gray,” Raiden snorts. “No one is going to think you’re his girl.”

I close my eyes, whip around, and shove the water back into the fridge. I’m trembling all over and sick with shame. I have to confess to Gray. He already knows and it’s been eating me up like a monster dining on my internal organs since he was here. It’s inevitable. We won’t be able to lie to Raiden any longer. It’s going to hurt him and hurting him will destroy me, but Gray? There’s a very real possibility that Raiden might literally try and kill his president. What would that mean for the club? I can’t let my brother go back to jail. Not over me. Not over anything.

That’s the only thing that makes me agree. I have to see this through. When I decided to come back here with Penny, I knew there was a very real possibility this would happen, and I chose to come anyway. Maybe I was just done hiding. Maybe I thought I could get away with it. Maybe, after all this time and the life I struggled to build, I knew that my heart was still here in Hart. I haven’t known a real moment of peace since I ran.

“Hey.” Raiden’s hand lands on my shoulder and I gasp before slowly turning to face him. “Gray has done things. I’ve done things. We still have hearts. We love big, live big, ride hard. It’s not that kind of a ride, Lark. If you don’t trust him, trust me. He would still protect you with his life. We all would, even the brothers who don’t even know you, because you’re a part of me and that’s what they do.”

I have doubts about that, but I’m not going to voice them. Out of sheer stress, I choose the dumbest question instead. “What if told you I love him?”

Raiden tosses back his head and laughs. I look up at him incredulously. “Of course you do. We all love him. We might be criminals, we might be rough, we might have done too much living. As for hell, we might have seen it, raised it, lived it, and come back from it, but Gray? He’s our light. He’s our leader.Everyone knew he’d be prez one day.” He thumbs me under the chin like he used to do when I was so much smaller.

“It seems very much like he wants to live up to his club name.”

Raiden laughs again. I haven’t heard the sound enough, and I’m just glad he still can. With so much heartache in the past and still coming for us, I hope he still will when it’s all said and done. “Nah. He’s still our Gray.”

Our. Gray.

Once, I dared to dream he could be mine. That dream still lives in me and gnaws at my insides. I have constantly questioned myself every step of the way. Every foot I put in front of the other as I walked away has felt like the longest, darkest road.

Maybe it was always meant to wind back around, a circle I didn’t know I was treading. How could I ever fully walk away when I have a part of him with me constantly?

No, we’re not a circle. We’re the ouroboros, the snake that eats itself.

“If you don’t want to go, I’ll tell him that you’re not up to it. He’ll find a way to apologize to you somehow, or he’ll try again in a few days.”

That battle cry of the silenced bike still echoes in my soul. It gets louder and louder until it feels like it’s splitting me apart, splitting my world. Before. After. Before Gray. After Gray. Before absolute destruction.

I blink back tears. I’m betraying my brother right now. I am so unworthy to be standing here in front of him.

“It’s okay. I’ll go. I’ll tell him wherever we end up, it has to be close by. I’ll have my phone on. If Penny wakes up or if you need anything, let me know and I’ll tell him to bring him right back.”

Raiden’s face shines. The guilt nearly knocks me over. I turned my back on misery, but it found me anyway. It’s not just raining. This is a straight downpour. I doubt there will ever be sun again. “Most people wouldn’t trust their kid around an ex-con.”

I launch myself at my brother and wrap my arms around him tight. I soak the front of his t-shirt with my silent tears. “I’d trust you with anything,” I whisper in a shuddering breath. “My life. Penny’s. I love you, Raiden.”

He’s not the problem. I’m the one who can’t be trusted.

“Get a jacket. It’s not cold out, but you’re going to be on that bike. Wear jeans and boots so you don’t get burned.”

I roll my eyes at his overprotective tone but punch him lightly in the shoulder. “Okay, bro, I got it.”

He shakes his head. To him, I have no real idea what I’m talking about. I’m still his baby sister in his eyes. Even as a grown woman and a mother. That’s going to be a problem. I stumble around the house, changing into appropriate clothing, tugging on jeans and my leather jacket, my boots which are more for fashion and nothing else. I’d ridden with Raiden back when I was a teen, but I hadn’t been expecting to get on a bike while I was here, so those boots would have to do.

Raiden waves me off, tight lipped, not smiling anymore, but also not enraged. It’s Gray taking me. Gray is safe. Gray is his best friend, his brother, his prez.

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