Page 37 of Beauty Sleep

As I duck under the awning at Vibes, my eyes land on the stupid poster plastered all over their front door, mocking me—my own face with my mask up on my forehead, the way it is right now.

I guess a mask can do one of two things. It can help me be myself… or it can help me be someone else when being myself hurts too much. For tonight, I can put on my mask and pretend to be okay.

And then I’ll figure out how to rip out my broken heart and put it somewhere it’ll never hurt me again.

Chapter

Fourteen

BRIAR

I can’t believeI’m doing this.

“Are you sure this is enough to get me in?”

We’re all huddled together in the lineup for Vibes. Two of my friends are holding umbrellas, trying to keep the rain from dribbling down between them, but it’s a losing battle.

My friends are all in elaborate latex and leather and kinky stuff, and I feel like I’m showing up for a costume party.

“You’re fine. Leave it alone,” Robby tells me, smacking my fingers away before I can tug at the shoulder of my white toga. “Just look what everyone else is wearing.”

I see partygoers who clearly understood the assignment, and others who just wore the same old stuff they always wear. I’ll fit right in wearing Robby’s toga, along with Jeff’s lace-up gold boots and harness, and a feathered gold mask that Theo mysteriously found after last week’s party.

“I’m not wearing anything underneath. That’s kinky, right?” I quip, and they all crack up laughing.

It was sweet how fast they whipped up an outfit for me, the moment I told them I wanted to come with them. And I’m just surprised that I finally feel good coming out.

Maybe it’s because, at last, they all know… and nothing’s different.

I mean, they obviously teased me for being a freak. But no more or less than they all tease each other. It’s nice to finally be included. I didn’t realize how much time I’ve spent silently fretting that maybe I’m therealfreak here.

Maybe our freak flags are a little different, but I’m not alone with it anymore.

There’s his face again.The closer we get, the more copies of Prince Charming’s face I see. The posters are plastered all over the windows, until it looks like he’s staring at me with irritation from every which way.

I’m still not sure how I feel… but at least I know what I want.

I had to come out tonight to see Prince in his element… and hopefully talk to him one more time.

Earlier, I didn’t act like my best self—like the man Prince has been teaching me to become. I was too lost in my own hurt to realize that, for a second time, I didn’t stand up for him, or even for whatIwant.

That’s not to say I’m not mad at him. Because I totally am. I don’t know why he kept his identity secret from me… but I’m ready to hear his side of the story, too, before I make any hasty decisions.

I don’t know if he’ll forgive me, or if I’ll forgive him, or both.

But I need to see him in the light—even if it’s the glare of neon lasers—to understand something about him that I’ve never gotten to see.

We’re at the front of the line now, and everything is a blur. I hand over my ID and cash, get them back, hold out my arms for the scanner, and laugh nervously as the security guy waves a wand and pretends to sprinkle fairy dust over me.

Then they wave me inside, and my friends point me toward the main room. It’s already packed, and I can’t help but be happyfor Prince. If nothing else, at least tonightwasthe breakout hit he wanted it to be.

“You want company?” Robby leans in to holler at me, and I smile and shake my head. His eyes are already wandering to the darker side rooms.

I cup my hands around my mouth, next to his ear. “I’ll be okay. Go have fun.”

Robby winks at me and mouths,You too. Then my friends melt away into the crowd, and there’s only one thing left to do.

I sidle into the room, hugging the wall until I can make out the DJ booth…

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