Page 68 of Adrift

Felix pauses like he isn’t surprised, and I sigh to myself. Of course he knows that part of the story already. I should really be used to this by now. All he says is, “And?”

Right. Nobody but us knows the important part, then.

I shift my weight onto one foot, kicking a little twig off the close-cut grass until it’s off the path. Finally, I sigh and look up at him. “He proposed to me.”

Felix’s eyebrows shoot up almost into his hairline. I sip my coffee as I watch him processing in real-time. He unfolds hisarms, gestures helplessly at me, and makes a wordless noise. Then he opens and closes his mouth a few times and gestures again, but even bigger.

The universal sign ofwhat the fuck?

I sigh. “I know, I know?—”

“No. Wait. I’m sorry… what?!” Felix exclaims. “You sound like your pet rock just died. Not like yourboyfriend,” he pauses for dramatic emphasis, “proposed!”

I can see his point.

“Yeah. So I can get a visa to stay. And in this really casual, off-handed way,” I tell Felix.

Oh, god. There it is again—the ache that’s alive and well in my bones.

“Like,oh, I guess we can do the paperwork so you can stay,” I lower my voice in an imitation of Gage’s. “Like it’s a fucking… business proposition.”

Felix’s eyebrows slowly sink back to their normal place. “Ohhhhh,” he breathes out a groan as he rubs his forehead. “Okay. Gotcha.”

“Yeah.”

I tilt my head, gazing through the trees in the vague direction of the cabin like I can X-ray the entire field and the cabin walls and get a picture of Gage’s thoughts.

“I mean, in fairness… youdohave a type,” Felix tells me.

The situation isn’t very funny, but I can’t quite help myself. He gets a giggle out of me, at least. “What, himbos?”

His eyes sparkle in sympathetic amusement as he reaches out to squeeze my shoulder. “Exactly. They can’t help it sometimes, you know?”

“And neither can I,” I sigh, gulping down more coffee as Felix turns to lean against me and gaze through the trees. “I can’t help loving him—them,” I correct myself as Felix catches his breath.

My cheeks are hot with the accidental truth that spilled out of my mouth.

I want to own that truth. But I haven’t told Gage yet. And we all know what happens when I tell other people things that he should know first.

God, what a mess.

“But?” Felix asks quietly.

“I don’t know what he’s thinking sometimes. And I wish I did,” I sigh. “God, he confuses the ever-loving shite out of me sometimes.”

“Welcome to marriage,” Felix laughs. “You’re on the right track already.”

I shove him with my elbow and he snorts again as he steps away to wander around a little.

“Seriously, though,” I shake my head. “I—I do love him. And at this point… I don’t know how I tell him that.”

Felix just clears his throat pointedly, but I keep on talking, sighing right back at him.

“Yeah, I know, I know. Just tell him. If I’d done that in the first place… we might not be in this mess.”

“Kieran—”

“But now we are, and it’s too late. And I’m in love, and… I don’t have a bloody clue what to do.”

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