Page 50 of About Time

His eyes slowly slide up to meet mine. Like every time in the past, I am mesmerized by his dark brown eyes. It feels like I can see his very soul in their depths. “Have you? Moved on from me that is.”

I chew the side of my lip. Telling him that after all of this time, I can’t evict him from my heart would be too big of a hit to my pride, but I don’t want to lie either.

“Does anyone ever completely move on from their first love? I’m not going to lie, there’s a big part of me that would love nothing better than to tell you I’m engaged or something, but the truth is that my life is pretty much my work. I do have some friends that drag me out a few times a month.”

He nods his head a few times like he’s confirming something to himself. “That’s good, Doll, I want you happy.”

I open my mouth to argue. I’m not sure why, but a very petty part of me wants to hurt him. A creak on the stairs saves me from what would have probably been a mortifying experience.

Wren comes down looking more like a zombie than the teenager I saw a few months ago the last time I visited with them. A lump forms in my throat, and I stare off into spacebecause it hits me, that was literally thelasttime I will ever visit with all of them.

She stops just inside the room and stares at me. I brace myself for her anger. She would have every right to lay into me.

Wren’s lip starts to quiver, and I can see tears filling her green eyes. I get up from the couch and run to her. She wraps her arms around me and clings to me like I did her mom under similar circumstances fifteen years ago. I wondered back then how Elisa could be so strong for me when she lost her mom too. Now I get it. Standing strong for Wren is the last thing I’ll ever be able to do for my sister. Taking care of her daughter is one of the last ways I can show my sister how much I love her.

We stand like that, arms wrapped around each other, for a long time. We rock side to side while we cling to each other. I’m not free of tears by any means, but I let them slip silently down my face while she releases the most heartbreaking whimpers.

Charlie doesn’t try to distract us or cheer us up. He just sits there and lets us feel our feelings. I think I’d probably murder him if he tried to cheer us up. People do that when you’re grieving and act like they’re doing you a favor for taking your mind off of it. The reality is that they have a hard time handling another person’s emotions and seek to make their behavior more comfortable for themselves. The sadness is still there for the person grieving.

Instead, he makes himself useful and goes to make breakfast for the three of us. There’s a lot that needs to be done, and not a lot of time to do it. I need to make arrangements with the funeral home, purchase two caskets, and then plan a funeral.

After we eat, the conversation turns to all of the things that need to get done. It was my intention to take care of all the details myself, but it turns out that I will have help.

Wren chews her lower lip while she’s thinking. “I don’t want to talk to the funeral home or pick out caskets. I just, I can’t think about putting them in a box.”

I nod. “Of course you don’t. I can take care of everything. You don’t have to do anything other than grieve.”

She shakes her head emphatically. “No, I can’t do that. It feels like I need to do something for them, and this is my last chance to do that. I want to pick the flowers if you don’t mind. Also the music. You know how much my dad loved his rock music. I’d like to give one of the eulogies too.”

“I think they would be very proud of you,” Charlie tells her.

“I know they would,” I agree.

Wren exhales as if she was afraid I wouldn’t have let her help with her parents’ funeral. “I’m going to go get ready. Liam is swinging by. I think he’s afraid I’ll spend all day in my head.”

When she leaves the room I’m left alone with Charlie. He reaches out and touches my face. It’s such a familiar move. The way he traces my cheekbone with the pad of his thumb floods my mind with memories from when we were awe.

“Let me be here for you right now. You don’t have to go through this alone,” he tells me.

I scoff. “Please tell me you aren’t suggesting we make another arrangement for just while I’m still in town. That didn’t work so great the first time.”

“I know we didn’t end on the best of terms, but I wouldn’t take back a single second I spent with you,” he says.

“Not even the last few?” I ask.

He gives me a sad smile. “I would certainly change a few things, but I wouldn’t have been anywhere else than with you.”

A tear breaks free. I angrily wipe it away and stand up. “You’re the king of mixed signals, you know that?” I hold my arms out to the sides, too raw to try and hold things back. “You know how I felt about you. It has taken me a long time to stopwallowing, but my entire life is my job. I guess I refused to accept that we were done forever until my life was on autopilot. Losing my sister has woken me up. You wanted me out of town, and I’m going to stay that way.”

He sets his cup on the coffee table. “You should. This town isn’t good enough for you.”

For the first time, I realize he’s telling me that he doesn’t think he’s good enough for me. I wish things were different. Of all the obstacles we faced, I think that is the one that I can’t fight against.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Hattie Past- Age 26

Wren squeezesmy hand as the two of us stand side by side at the entrance of the nondenominational church I personally can’t remember ever stepping foot in before. Putting together a funeral for two of the most beloved members of our community in a very short period of time led us to do a few things we hadn’t expected.

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