Page 63 of About Time

Charlie Past- Age 36

Charlie,

If I did this right you will wake up or come back into the room and find me gone. I’m sorry about that, but we always end up ruining the moment. For once I want to walk away from you with a smile instead of tears. We both know there’s no future for us. This time I needed to walk away before you pushed me away.

If you ever think of me, do it with a smile. We are more than our worst moments, and I choose to hang on to the good ones. I think a part of me will love you forever. I was afraid that would keep me from moving on, but I won’t worry about thatanymore. I will love again. I know this because you taught me how.

Be happy Charlie.

Love forever,

Hattie

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Charlie Past- Age 42

I pullthe letter she wrote out of my wallet, where it’s been since the night she left. The paper is soft from years of being touched. In the folds the paper is thin, and I’ve had to put tape on a few spots to keep it together. I’ve read it so many times the words are burned into my brain.

Be happy Charlie. Doesn’t she know that’s impossible without her?

How could she when I worked so hard to convince her I wanted her gone? The only person responsible for my misery is me.

It hasn’t been easy to push her out of my mind. My godson, Liam, married Hattie’s niece shortly after she graduated from high school. Griffin and I both tried to convince him that they were too young, but he wouldn’t listen. Of course she went along with it because Liam is the only family she has here now that Hattie is gone.

That is also my fault. No way Hattie would have left her here alone if I hadn’t broken her heart. Now I’m stuck looking at her doppelgänger for the last five years. It isn’t bad enough that Isee Hattie every time I close my eyes, but the resemblance is so uncanny that I can’t even escape her now when I’m awake.

Donovan and I don’t talk much beyond what kind of beer I want. Even those short minutes out of my week makes me want to demand updates on how she’s doing, and most importantly find out if she’s moved on. I got lucky the last time, but a woman as smart, kind, and beautiful as she is won’t stay single forever.

My decision to push her away made sense when I was thirty. I was rethinking it at thirty-six, and now at forty-two I can see how fucking stupid it was. I can’t for the life of me remember what about our ages made me think we couldn’t be together. Yeah, nineteen is young, but we were both adults, and there had been nothing between us prior to that to coerce her to want to be with me. And that’s the other thing, she came to me first.

Now I realize all the excuses I made were just convenient lies I told myself. The truth is I was worried that she’d outgrow me. I didn’t know how I could ever get over her, so I thought I’d pull the cord early and give myself a chance. The only thing I gave myself was twelve years of misery.

I keep telling Griffin it’s time he moves on from his ex wife. She’s been gone twenty-two years now, and I know how big of a hypocrite I am. The difference is that he never really loved Melinda, not like I love Hattie. Griffin has only been single because he was more focused on being a good father than finding someone to settle down with.

It’s time I follow my own advice and start trying to move on. It isn’t like I’ve been celibate the last six years since she walked back out of my life. Though I haven’t been as big of a manwhore as people seem to think either. I flirt, but that’s like second nature for me. I always make sure that Griffin and any of my other friends see me leave with a woman, but most of the time the only place I take them is to their house. I don’t join them either, I just give them a ride home.

Only on occasion, when I’ve drank way too much, have I hooked up with anyone. It always results in a shame spiral, followed by a few weeks of swearing off alcohol. I just had to know that I could go without drinking. I might end up alone, but I’d be damned if I end up like my dad.

Like so many men in this town, Charles Storm, Senior became disgruntled with his lot in life. He always felt he was meant for bigger things than shift work at one of the local factories. Instead of trying to learn a new skill, or anything to improve his situation, he chose to drown his disappointment in whiskey and cheap beer.

It scares me how often I turn to the same vices to bury the pain of being apart from Hattie, but for those few hours I get to let it all go. That’s a powerful motivator to keep going down the wrong path, but losing myself along with her would be so pathetically stereotypical for this town.

I’m running late to meet Griff at Donovan’s bar. Every time I go out I feel the need to torture myself by reading her letter. Maybe if I read it enough I’ll figure out how to be happy. It would have been nice if she’d have given me a bit more to go on there. I don’t know how to do it without her. Being with her is the only time I’ve felt true happiness.

Tonight isn’t really about me though. My plan to move on from Hattie is secondary. If I’m really honest with myself I’m looking for more of a distraction from my loneliness than I really am someone to move on with. There will never be anyone for me except for her.

What is really important tonight is stopping Griffin from destroying his own life. He is in massive need of an intervention. Things have been rapidly going to hell lately, and if he doesn’t check himself it’s going to get much worse.

I know I haven’t helped the situation. Griff doesn’t always come out with me when I go to Donovan’s. For the last sixmonths or so, I’ve been seeing my godson out with women who are not his wife. It isn’t like I stood around and did nothing. Many times I tried to make him see reason before he took it too far. Then when I was sure he was actively cheating on Wren, I begged him to leave her. She deserved better than being cheated on.

Still he insisted that he was just working something out of his system and he planned to be with her forever. I know Hattie would have my balls for not telling Wren that Liam was cheating on her, but Hattie isn’t here and she isn’t coming back. I’ve been torn on what to tell Wren, but I waited too long. She found out in the most painful way possible, and I’ll always feel guilty knowing I could have saved her the experience of seeing him fucking another woman in the car she bought for him.

It’s true that I’m closer to Liam, but that isn’t why I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t because around the same time I realized Liam was cheating, I started to notice how much Griffin watches Wren when he thinks no one is looking. It never made sense to me how big of an asshole he was to her. He’s a dick on a good day, but usually not irrationally so. I tried to push against the way he treated her, but he fed me some bullshit about how it would be better for her if she left Harriston.

I agreed, because it was the same thing I said about Hattie. Hearing him say it reinforced what I did, so I accepted it without arguing. I knew everything would change if he found out how rocky his son’s marriage actually was. I didn’t think I could keep them apart.

Then several days ago Griff was the one with Wren when she caught Liam mid thrust. It was his shoulder she cried on, and things have been off between them ever since. There’s an electricity in the air between them, and I’m on damage control. Tonight we are going to try and meet some women. At least that’s my plan.

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