Page 61 of About Time

I’ve cried since I got the news of their fatal car accident, but I think a part of me was still holding back. Even seeing their caskets side by side in the church didn’t drive the point home like packing their things does.

I bury my face in the sweater and let it all out. The fabric stifles my cries for the most part.

“What am I going to do without you? I’m not ready to be on my own, Lis. I do the dumbest shit. I should have told you yearsago so you could have talked me out of developing feelings for Charlie. I need you so much right now, and I’m so sorry I took you for granted. I shouldn’t have let my broken heart keep me away so long. I promise you that if the day ever comes that Wren finds herself in need of that kind of help I will be there for her.”

That sweater doesn’t go into the box to donate, but I set it aside for myself. I put a few things aside for Wren too. Then I do the same with her father’s things. The boxes to keep are overflowing, while the box to donate is barely half full.

I have a storage unit here that I’ve had since I left town six years ago. There wasn’t a lot put in it since I had a studio apartment here. I’ve never gotten around to getting rid of it or my old things. The easiest thing to do is to add the things not going to Wren’s new apartment with my things.

We spend the rest of the day packing up the house and moving things over to the storage unit. I have a moment of panic when Liam pulls up to the house with his truck, fearing that Charlie will be with him, but he came alone.

Charlie has always been really close to his godson. It’s one of the things I love most about him. I’m done lying to myself that I’m not still in love with him. The way I reacted seeing him with that woman confirms that I am, and probably always will be hopelessly in love with him.

There are some wounds that we just have to learn to live with. Loving Charlie is part of who I am now. The tricky part is going to be moving on. I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life, and I can’t accept being Charlie’s dirty secret, which means the only option is to do my best to make a new life for myself.

You don’t get to choose who you love, unfortunately. At least not the person who takes over your soul as if yours belongs to him alone. But, you can choose who to spend your life with. It is possible to love someone enough to be happy.

There’s just one thing I need in order to let go of him forever. Last time I was here he broke up with me, and that was that. We hadn’t seen each other until coming back for the funeral. I don’t want to sneak away in the night without putting a proper end to our relationship.

I need to let go of the hurt and even the anger. I hope to be able to look back at these memories with some fondness someday, and it will be tainted if my last memory with him was of us arguing.

I help Wren get moved into her new place. It’s small, and there’s no place for me to stay with her. We pushed this out until my last day here on purpose so that I only have to stay in a hotel for one night. I really can’t delay any longer since only working at the clinic a couple days a week for the past few months has seriously cut into the savings I had managed to build. The hospital is expecting me back in a few days, and so is Clark.

I know he wants more from me, and I can’t say I will be ready to move on that fast, but I am going to make a concerted effort to be ready as soon as I can. It’ll take some time, but not years like before. Perhaps a few months, but there’s no reason Clark and I can’t start slowly.

Before I go back to Florida and face that future, I want to put a bookend on my relationship with Charlie. After the last box is unpacked at Wren’s I hug her goodbye and head over to Charlie’s. He may not want to see me, and he might not even be alone, but I need to see him one last time even if it is bad.

His truck is in his parking spot when I pull into the drive. I knock on the door and hold my breath, hoping he’s alone.

He opens the door and is surprised to see me standing on the porch. He recovers himself after a moment spent gaping at me. “What are you doing here?”

Not exactly the welcome I was hoping for. I jerk my thumb over my shoulder in the direction of the car. “I can leave if this is a bad time.”

Charlie throws the door open the rest of the way. “No, don’t leave. I just didn’t think you’d ever be willing to talk to me again.”

I walk in past him and set down my purse. “I don’t really want to talk.”

His stance widens, and I can tell by the lift to his lips that he understands what I mean. “I think we should talk about what happened at Donovan’s.”

I cock my head to the side. “You really want to go over all that again when I’m actually here?”

“I’m kind of mad at you,” he tells me. I can see that he means it, even if he tries to play it off like he’s joking.

I start to undo the buttons on my shirt, and let it fall to the floor. Normally I’d wait for him to issue a command, but I’m not interested in playing the same game we usually do.

His eyes flick up and down my body. “So we’re going to get right to it then?”

I don’t reply with words, I just undo my pants and push them down my hips. Then I’m standing in front of him in a lacy set of lingerie.

Charlie hoists me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He walks me across the room, and sets me down on the couch. He kneels in front of me, and helps me out of my bra and underwear until I’m completely nude.

I grab his t-shirt and pull. “It’s not fair that I’m the only one naked.”

He sits back on his ankles, and pulls his shirt off the rest of the way. “Any other demands?”

“You seem to enjoy it so much, I wanted to see what it was like,” I tell him.

“Tell me what you want, Doll.”

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