Page 41 of About Time

I nod. Not that my reassurance takes away from the twelve years we spent apart. Even if she knew that I hadn’t been unfaithful it wouldn’t have changed anything. I was determined to throw away happiness with both hands thinking I was protecting her. Or at least at the time, that’s what I thought, but really I didn’t think I deserved her. I couldn’t reconcile how much it seemed she would have to give up to be with me, and not feeling worthy of her sacrifice.

I rub my thumb across her cheek as I cup her face. Before Hattie, I thought passion faded with time. I guess the difference for us is that we feed ours regularly, so it continues to grow. I pull her face to mine and kiss her softly. I learned my lesson over a decade ago, I’ll never take her for granted again. I sure as hell will never make the mistake of believing I can live without her. What I did during the years we were apart was survive, but surviving is not living. It’s waiting until you are able to live again.

I don’t care that everyone is studying us closer than they ever have before. They might know more about our dynamic now than they ever have before, but I won’t censor myself for their benefit.

Fisting my hand in Hattie’s golden hair, I pull her head back and drag my lips up her neck. When I reach her ear I whisper, “You’re going to get on your knees for me after we finish this story and get back to our house.”

She lets out a quiet gasp. It isn’t like I didn’t bend her over the bathroom counter this morning, but she still gives me such a perfect reaction. Her pupils widen, and a flush brightens her cheeks. She squirms on my lap.

“Yes, Sir,” she whispers only loud enough for me to hear.

Wren gags dramatically. I turn to glare at her, but she winks letting me know she’s joking. She settles on Griff’s lap, and he pulls her in for a much more graphic kiss than the one Hattie and I shared.

Liam groans. “Would you please continue with your story so my dad stops trying to impregnate my-ex wife in front of us?”

“Don’t talk about your step-mother like that,” Griffin says with a grin when he comes up for air.

Scott laughs. “God I’ve missed this. I would actually like to hear what happened when you got served.”

“I wish Hattie had punched you in the throat,” Claudia blurts out. As soon as she realizes she said it out loud she slaps her hands over her mouth and stares at me with wide, apologetic eyes.

I burst out laughing, then Hattie joins me. Soon everyone is laughing except for Liam’s poor mortified wife.

Her face is flaming with her embarrassment. “I can’t believe I said that out loud. I’m so sorry, Charlie.”

I school my face so she doesn’t think I’m laughing at her. I’m really not. Hattie should have punched me in the throat. Claudia is so sweet and shy though I guess I never thought she’d ever have a thought like that. “Don’t worry about it, Claudia. She should have punched me.”

“To be fair, I actually did,” Hattie reminds me.

I can’t fight the urge to kiss Hattie, a much more chaste peck this time. It isn’t a good memory, but the reminder of how far we’ve come makes life so much sweeter now.

“We haven’t gotten to that part yet,” I remind her.

She looks over at Wren, and I know what we’re both thinking. The rest of this story isn’t just painful for the two of us. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Charlie Past- Age 29

It’s been a week without Hattie, and I’m not holding up as well as I thought I would. I hope Hattie is doing better than me, but I haven’t heard from her, so I have no idea. There have been so many times this last week when I almost folded and called her. Every time I reached for the phone, I grabbed a drink instead. I didn’t do this to us to pull her back down. I love her too much to watch her throw away her life to be with me.

I went to work on Monday, but since then I’ve spent the rest of the week in a drunken fog. Griffin was starting to get suspicious, but I gave him grace when Melinda left him to raise their son alone. The problem is that Griff doesn’t know I’m sitting here in my den of sadness licking my wounds. Or I thought he didn’t until he sent a housekeeper over to decontaminate my house.

Today is Friday, and I’ve missed four days of work this week. I know I’ve reached the limit of Griff’s patience. Best friend or not, he takes his business seriously, and I understand that. If he knew why I am hiding out he’d probably give me the space to get my shit together.

It’s not his fault I don’t want anyone to know. I know I’d lose Martin and Elisa, but that isn’t the biggest reason I don’t want to talk about it. Hattie would have to deal with the fallout and judgment from everyone she loves. That’s not really conducive to moving on.

At least I get to mope around in a clean house. Even through my drunken haze, I was starting to fear catching something in the filth my house was being overtaken by.

The doorbell rings, tearing through the silence, and banging around in my head. I grumble on the way to the door and since it’s around noon, I expect to see Griffin on the other side. It isn’t Griffin. It’s a young man in a polo shirt, clearly out of place in Harriston. He shoves an envelope my direction along with a clipboard.

It doesn’t take a genius to know what is inside the envelope. I sign my name on the log, and he leaves me alone to deal with the end of my marriage.

“This is what I wanted,” I tell myself aloud. “It’s for the best.”

I do believe that’s true, for her. For me, being without her will never be best, but I love her too much to saddle her with me as a husband. I work my thumb under the corner of the tab and rip the envelope open, and the thick packet slides out. There are flags on every page indicating where I am supposed to sign. Hattie has already signed.

I grab a pen and scribble my name next to every flag. Before I can talk myself out of it, I get dressed and head to the post office. There’s a return envelope inside. I tuck the signed papers in it and take it to the post office.

Then I do the only thing I can do after ending my relationship with the love of my life. I head straight for the bar and drink until everything disappears.

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