Page 33 of About Time

“Because it looks like I’m kissing you. Now I’m going to put down my hand. I want you to give me those googly eyes you used to give to your Saved by the Bell poster when we were in junior high.”

As promised he drops his hand, but then he does the most disgusting thing I could never have fathomed him doing. He kisses me for real. It’s a very platonic feeling kiss, nothing more than a quick brush of his lips against mine, but since it looked like we just had a prolonged make out here in the middle of the fair it probably looked like more to anyone watching.

I fight the urge to gag or wipe my mouth off. Over Donovan’s shoulder I can see Charlie glaring at us. He wouldn’t be if henoticed that Donovan is trying not to laugh at my reaction. “Way to oversell it, Miller.”

He loses the fight, laughs loudly, and drops his arm around my shoulder steering us toward the ticket booth for ride tickets.

It isn’t easy, but I force myself not to think about Charlie, and enjoy this time alone with my best friend.

Chapter Fourteen

Charlie Past- Age 29

“Charlie, are you listening to me?”Griffin asks.

“Of course,” I lie.

The truth is I haven’t heard one fucking word from the moment Donovan Miller put his hands on Hattie. The part that burns my ass the most is that I walked away from her three weeks ago and have no right whatsoever to complain about this. I had a moment of weakness when Martin left Hattie and I alone. For those precious minutes, I held on to hope that there was a scenario where being with me wouldn’t ruin her life. I let my emotions carry me away, and I’ve been racked with guilt ever since.

I know she probably thinks I used her to get off one last time. It’s not like I would have turned down a goodbye fuck, but I’ve only ever been honest with her. There’s no need to sugarcoat anything when your relationship begins with a proposition to use the other as a fucktoy. The only person I’ve been lying to is myself each time I try to convince myself that I can walk away from her.

When I was with her that last time, I gave up trying to deny how I felt. I couldn’t wait to see her again the moment I walked out her door, but then all my hopes disintegrated more with every mile Martin drove us away from Centralia. He didn’t even know he was doing it. All he did was brag about her, and how bright of a future she had ahead of her. It was the part about her not falling prey to the Harriston curse and getting pregnant before having a chance to leave this town.

Even though it was far from my intention to do anything to trap her in a mediocre life in Harriston, I couldn’t deny that it may happen. It strengthened my earlier resolve to walk away from her for her own good.

I did not walk away from her and survive the last three miserable weeks for that teenage jackass to swoop in and steal my woman. Except she’s not mine, not anymore. I walked away from her, and I don’t get a say on what she does from now on.

That thought depresses me, and not for the first time, I think I’ve made a colossal mistake.

Griffin snaps his fingers in front of my face. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I’ve been ignoring how weird you’ve been acting all summer, but you’re starting to freak me out. I’m planning an intervention, but I don’t know what you’re addicted to other than pussy. You haven’t even been banging random tourists for a couple of months, so I don’t think it’s that. The only thing I can guess is that you’ve been seeing someone.”

I tip my head back. “I was. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Griffin whistles. “Damn. You’re not going to overshare your sexcapades with me? She must be someone special.”

I nod. “Yeah, but she deserves more.”

He shakes his head and has a sad look on his face. “You don’t see yourself the way everyone else does. You’re a good guy and a loyal friend.”

My head hangs. He wouldn’t think that if he knew.

I can’t stop tracking Hattie with my eyes all over the fair. Not once does she spare me a look. She gives all of her attention to Donovan. When her head tips back and she laughs with her entire being I feel a sharp ache in my chest. I’m glad she’s happy, but it hurts that it’s not me making her laugh.

I can’t stand here and watch her move on. I never thought I’d have to do that. In my head, she always stayed in Centralia or went somewhere else. That was the whole point, for her to move on in the opposite direction of Harriston. More importantly, in the opposite direction of me.

I should have left the moment I saw that Hattie was here at the fair. I guess I must be a masochist because I can’t seem to make myself stop watching her.

Griffin is talking to other people we went to high school with. There are a few people who managed to get away from this town when we graduated, but for the most part, these are people we see every time there’s any kind of social function in town. They’re doing a pretty good job keeping Griffin occupied so he stops busting my balls.

While they reminisce I watch Donovan and Hattie get on the Ferris wheel. I can’t see them as they go around and around, but I imagine how it is going. He’s free to kiss her when they get to the top. No one is going to judge them. A self-deprecating chuckle escapes me. I’ve never been a jealous man, and I certainly never saw myself getting jealous of a teenager, but I’d never lost Hattie to one before.

No. That’s wrong. I didn’t lose her, I pushed her away. I didn’t see myself as someone who gave a shit what other people think, but I guess I am. I threw away happiness with both hands,and the only person to blame for this gnawing ache in my gut is myself.

Continuing to watch for her feels like a steady stream of lemon juice and salt being poured over an open wound. Still, I can’t stop.

That’s how I see her when she stumbles when they exit the ride. Without thinking I’m crossing the distance between us. Something in my gut tells me she needs me, and this time I won’t let her down.

When I make it to her, Donovan is holding her up. Her hands are on her stomach like she’s trying not to be sick. My thought is confirmed when she bends over and pukes all over the ground. Donovan jumps back to keep from getting vomit on his shoes.

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