Page 21 of About Time

When someone asks if I’m seeing someone, I tell them no. Because I’m not in the sense that we actually leave the house and do any activity that involves standing, that is unless he takes me against the wall. That’s pretty much the extent of our activities on our feet.

If I’m asked if I’m in a relationship that’s much easier to answer. I don’t know what Charlie and I are, but I am sure we are not in a relationship. He’s driven that point home many times. We are exclusively fucking, but I imagine if I wanted to go on a date with another guy that would be fine. Just as long as there wasn’t any sex. Not that I’ve asked, because I am not interested in anyone else.

I wish my sister would accept that. I’ve told her that I’m focusing on school, that I haven’t met anyone I liked, that Idon’t want to get tied down, but she bats every excuse away. I’ve mostly been lucky enough to untangle myself from her matchmaking efforts. That’s probably why she stopped asking me.

Summer is half over, and Charlie and I have been whatever we are for the last six weeks. I think he expected me to walk away after our first night together. I won’t lie, it was a lot to take in. There was a part of me that knew I should be demanding more, but the reality was that I wanted him however I could have him, and for as long as I could have him. Maybe that’s pathetic, but the need I feel for him is maddening. It’s like having a fever in my soul. I burn for him.

I’m fully aware of how painfully naïve and romantic that makes me sound. When I’m with Charlie I bury that shit down to the deepest pit of my soul, but I recognize I’m growing more attached to him than I should. I find myself fantasizing about a future that will never happen. One where he admits that he feels more for me than me making his dick hard. In this fantasy, we build a life together.

The only thing I know for sure is that when September comes around I’ll be leaving Harriston with a broken heart. That should give me pause enough to really think about what we’re doing, but I know as much as it is going to hurt to walk away it is worth all the pain. I’ll have this summer to hold close for the rest of my life because he really is a storm, destructive and necessary.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I practically jump a foot in the air.

“It’s just me,” Elisa says. “Damn, I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me come in. You were standing there deep in thought. What’s on your mind?”

A nervous giggle escapes me. “Nothing. I was just zoning out. What’s going on?”

She traces an invisible pattern into the carpet with her toes. “I know you came over to watch Wren for Martin and me to go out, but it turns out that we’re going to stay in and have some friends over.”

My brow scrunches together. “Oh, well, I guess I’ll just head out then.” I gather my little backpack purse and wonder if I could casually swing by Charlie’s or if that would be too clingy.

Elisa reaches out, takes my bag off my shoulder, and sets it back down on the end table in the living room. “Well, see I was thinking you could just stay. One of the guys that Martin works with at the hospital is only a little older than you. He just turned twenty-one, and you’ll be twenty in a few months.”

I groan. “Lis, I really don’t want you to set me up.”

She’s not listening to me. Nothing short of, “Please find me the love of my life so I can start planning a wedding and babies,” is going to sink into her stubborn head.

Case in point, she waves me off. “I didn’t say you had to marry the guy. You don’t even have to go on a date with him. Would it kill you to meet him though?”

“No, but it could kill him,” I mumble.

“What was that?” she asks. As usual, she’s multitasking. During this entire conversation, she’s fussing with the pillows on the sofa, trying to get them to have that perfect divot on the top.

“I said, ‘No, probably not,’” I lie. It probably wouldn’t. Charlie would have to be jealous enough to do something and that would only happen if there was anything more between us than kinky sex.

Elisa gives me one of her sunshine smiles. “Thanks, Hattie. I just don’t want you waiting to live. Life is happening right now. You can’t put it off until everything is perfect. If you do, you might not get a chance to live it.”

After mom died young Elisa took on this mantra. Hell, I think it was back when she first got sick. That led Lis to marryingMartin right after high school and having Wren only a couple of years later. It’s like there’s an hourglass over her head, and she knows the sand is running out.

A shiver wracks my body. I hate when I go negative like that. I’ve got a bad habit of fatalistic thinking. I don’t think I’m alone in that though. Elisa wouldn’t live like each day could be her last if she believed in a happily ever after. Maybe that’s why I’m racing headfirst into heartbreak because at least I’ll be able to say that I lived.

I try to calm my nerves. Charlie probably won’t even care. There’s a wicked voice whispering to me that maybe he will care and that he will finally speak up. That’s just another example of my fanciful thinking.

I shut down my overactive mind, and let Elisa fuss with my hair and makeup. Thankfully the clothing that I chose before coming over is acceptable to my sister, or I’d really be her full-grown Barbie. Once again I’m only wearing a normal tank top and jeans, but we’re both wash and wear girls. Usually at least. Right now she’s buffing, plucking, and generally pestering the shit out of me.

Like clockwork, the front door opens, and the cheerful squeal of Wren sounds through the house as she races to greet her dad as he comes in from work. I smile to myself. This must be the type of family Norman Rockwell pictured when he painted his idyllic scenes of life in America. I’m happy my sister found someone as solid and loving as Martin Parker. I can only hope to be half as lucky one day.

His footsteps thump a steady cadence as he climbs the stairs to complete his nightly ritual. Step one, hug Wren, has been completed, now it’s time to give his wife an embarrassingly long and deep kiss. It’s only embarrassing because he doesn’t give a shit who is around when he does it. The moment he sees her, it’s like he can’t help himself. Like I said, my sister is a lucky bitch.

“Look at this, all my girls in one place,” he says cheerfully. “Artie will be here in about an hour. Is there anything you need me to help with?” He’s talking to Elisa, but one part of that alerted all my alarms.

“You are trying to set me up with a guy named Artie?” I ask incredulously.

Elisa does that thing where her head drops to the side, and her brows both come up. That look is both a question and an admonishment at the same time. I wonder if they teach new moms to do that in the hospital, or if it’s something that’s passed down from mother to daughter. If it is, how will I ever lecture my kids with one look?

“Really Hattie, what does it matter if he has a cool name or not?” she asks me.

In a mocking tone I say, “Hey everybody, this is my boyfriend Artie. Don’t worry, he’s not an old man, he just has an old man’s name.”

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