Page 56 of Stealing Home

“Okay, hotshot, how about we face dinner together,” she says, lightening the mood.

* * *

We work togetherin the kitchen to put together a fajita salad. The conversation we were having earlier continues to plague me. I know she’s trying to keep things light because she’s afraid of overwhelming me, but I’m not the one prone to freaking out and shutting down.

Trying to bring up the conversation is harder than I thought it would be. I keep playing through different scenarios and keep coming back to the same place. I’m ready for more than she is.

She bumps her shoulder into mine. “What are you thinking about so hard? Do you regret being with me?”

I turn off the burner, take the knife from her hand, and pull her into my arms. “Never. Tonight has been the single greatest night of my life.”

“Then what’s bothering you? I can tell something is,” she pushes.

“Let’s talk over dinner,” I suggest and finish putting the salad together.

Harlow sets out two plates and silverware while I bring the food to the counter. Once we’ve both filled our plates I dig deep for the courage to start the discussion.

“I know your divorce isn’t final, and I’m really getting ahead of myself. I don’t want you to think I’m saying we need to settle everything right now, but I want to know where you see this going between us.”

She sets her fork down. “I guess that depends on you. I didn’t expect to find you, all of this is a surprise for me, but I meant what I said earlier, I want to be with you.”

I turn to face her on my stool. “And what if I said that I see us building a future together. I want a family with you, all of it.”

Her lips turn down, and her brow furrows. “I’d love that.”

My lips purse. “Your mouth says one thing, but your face says another. If you love it so much, why do you look like you just sucked on a lemon?”

Harlow exhales. “Because I want you to be able to finish college, decide what you want to do professionally, and not have to worry about what I think or want influencing your choices. You deserve that. I know what it’s like to build your life around what someone else wants, and I don’t want you putting yourself last.”

“And this town is your choice?”

She shakes her head. “No, and I guess I also want the chance to finally figure out what I want and pursue it. In a lot of ways you and I are the same. Yeah, I’m older, but it’s like I’ve been frozen in place for years. I’m just now getting to try and make a life for myself.”

“You can’t do that with me?” I ask.

Harlow reaches out and takes my hand. “I’m not saying that. I’m just saying I don’t want you to sacrifice anything because you think it’s what I might want.”

“So what are you saying? We don’t make plans?”

“I’m saying we should go forward like we’re both just starting out, because we are. If I were your age, we wouldn’t be worried about if we could have a family. If we get to that place, then we do. If it passes us by and that’s too much for you, then I accept that. Even if I were your age, it doesn’t mean we’d have the same vision as the other,” she explains.

“You know my parents got married while they were still in college. My mom was my age when she got pregnant with me.”

“As much as she loves her life, and when I met her it’s clear she does, I still imagine she wants more for you,” she says softly.

“Maybe,” I agree, “but I can’t imagine what more there is in life than to spend as much of it as possible with the people you love.”

Her eyes widen and I realize what I just admitted, probably before she’s ready to hear it. “I know it’s fast, but I love you Harlow. Every minute I spend with you, I want another one. I’m greedy for your time, attention, and now your body. I will never get enough of you, and when you say that I might walk away from you someday if we can’t have kids, it kind of pisses me off.”

“Fine,” she says, “As soon as you know for sure it’s what you want, I’ll let you knock me up.”

“You’re going to regret saying that,” I warn her. “Because, I’m going to hold you to it.”

She rolls her eyes. “I love you too, ya know.”

I smile at her. “I think it hurt you to admit that.”

Harlow fidgets uncomfortably. “It did a little. Loving people has only ever brought me pain. I loved my mother, and now there’s a giant hole where she was. I thought I loved Nando, and he turned it against me like a weapon.”

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