Page 1 of Stealing Home

1

Harlow

Life changes slowly,sneaking up on you until you look at yourself in the mirror one day and don’t recognize the person staring back at you. It seems only a short time ago my Friday nights were busy with friends, and now the only thing I have to look forward to after a long week at work is a book.

My house is quiet when I get home. My husband, Fernando, is likely meeting up with friends. At least one of us has them. I barely have a husband, we don’t even share a room anymore.

I take my time shedding the shell I present to the outside world. Carefully chosen clothing is exchanged for cozy lounge wear. Make-up I use as armor is scrubbed off, leaving me blank and as lifeless on the outside as I feel on the inside. I scowl at the mirror a final time before shutting off the light in my bathroom and heading to dive into my latest read.

“We’ve got that banquet tonight for the start of the season,” Nando, yells from the hallway, making me jump. I hadn’t heard the front door, but I did have my head bent over the sink with the water running.

I don’t like to be caught off guard, especially by my husband. Not that it’s easy to do, since I’m almost always on alert. Adrenaline pumps through my system, making my chest squeeze and my head swim. I’m not sure how I’d forgotten about the baseball banquet, and I’m seized with the fear there are other things I’ve missed. Nausea rises as I try and rack my brain for anything else I might have missed.

I lean against the wall, letting my head drop against it with a thump. Black spots dance in my vision as the fear and panic threaten to take over. As the coach’s wife, it’s expected I will attend. If I’m not ready in time, Nando will be upset with me. I’m constantly walking on eggshells trying to prevent that exact thing. It’s a delicate balance trying to stay safe, while also trying not to lose myself.

“Getting ready now,” I call out. Hopefully he doesn’t hear the warble in my voice and leaves me to get ready in peace.

It’s no wonder I forgot. Work has been exhausting with only two of us in my office doing the work of four people, and without all of the resources we would need to do it under our deadline. Not that Nando will understand. His needs and wants will always come before mine.

As much as I’d love nothing more than to curl up with a book and disconnect until it’s time for bed, it looks like I’m going to be socializing tonight. As I get redressed, I try to also ready myself to smile through my exhaustion, make conversation when I’d rather be silent, and fake happiness when I don’t even remember what it feels like.

Sometimes I need a reminder why I keep going every day. When I can’t muster up enough care for myself, I can still find it for my baby sister, Leena. While I selfishly wish she weren’t away at boarding school, she’s better off being away from here. There’s no happiness in this house, and I want more for her. It’s our daily phone calls that keep me going. Even when she’s busy with her friends she still makes time for me. We both pretend my calls are checking in on her, but sometimes it feels like the other way around.

“Hey peanut,” I greet Leena when she answers the phone.

She groans on the other end of the line. “I’m seventeen, Low, can you stop with that cutesy nickname?”

I smile, feeling that surge of dopamine I only get when speaking to my sister. “Not going to happen. How’s school?”

“It’s fine,mom.” I can practically hear her eyes roll.

My chest clenches every time I hear that word. It’s been four years since our mom passed suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition. Since our father left when Leena was a baby, I found myself caring for a teenager. Sure, I was twenty-nine, but I still needed my mother, I wasn’t prepared to act as one myself. Especially not to a child prodigy who plays the cello better than some professionals.

I’d been married for six years by then, and Nando was less than thrilled with the prospect of having a thirteen-year-old living with us. When Leena managed to get a partial scholarship to a music conservatory in New England he pushed me to send her. I hated being separated from her, but I couldn’t hold her back to assuage my grief. Of course the decision was easy for Nando at first, because my mom’s life insurance covered the first couple of years. Even though I’ve been paying for it since from my own earnings, Nando still bitches about it every chance he gets.

“What book are you reading tonight? Tentacle porn?” she teases me, pushing back my darker thoughts.

“Don’t knock it. If aliens invade I’m going to stowaway on their ship. But, no I’m not reading tonight, I’m getting ready for a baseball function.”

Leena groans. “Pass. The benefit of going to a music conservatory is I get to avoid jocks who think they’re god’s gift to women simply because they can handle their balls.”

The stairs creak alerting me Nando is coming up to my room. I guess I’m not moving fast enough for him. “Wear your blue dress. It hides the five pounds you can’t seem to lose. Can’t let my guys think I can’t pull hot ass,” Nando shouts loud enough for Leena to hear even not on speaker phone.

I swallow his words. They taste like ash. All my hopes and dreams burned long ago, and I fear I’ll choke on them someday.

“I take it the asshole is home,” Leena says reminding me I’m still on the phone.

“I’ve got to go,” I whisper.

“Don’t listen to him, Low. You’re beautiful, and you deserve more than that needle-dick.”

“You shouldn’t say that,” I admonish. Not that she’s wrong, but I don’t think parental figures are supposed to let their kids curse without correcting them. Maybe I should check my parenting guides again.

“Whatever. He’s an asshole. I can play cello anywhere. I know what this school costs. Don’t give up your life for this.”

“I’d give up my life for you,” I tell her. It wouldn’t even be a hard choice.

“And I would sacrifice anything for you. You’re my sister, not my mom. I can go to a different school. I know that’s the only reason you stay with him,” she says.

---