Page 70 of Stealing Home

24

Harlow

It’s been almosta week since Scott’s birthday. Six long days I haven’t spoken to him, looked in his navy blue eyes, or felt his arms wrap around me. We’ve only been together a few weeks, yet he’s occupying nearly every thought I have.

I wonder what Scott is doing right now?

I hope his hip is healing.

Will he be able to play again soon?

Did Nando kick him off the team?

Donovan tried to talk to me about him on Saturday, but I left the room. I’m not ready to face the fact I’ve been cheated on twice. What is it about me that drives men into the arms of other women?

Staying with Griffin and Wren makes everything harder. They’re amazing friends, but seeing the love they have for each other is like pouring lemon juice on a paper cut. That’s only made worse when I see them with their kids, because that makes the ache I have to be a mother burst open.

Logically, I know I have some time. I could go out and find a man my age, someone who wants to settle down and have a family, but every time I try and picture that life, it’s Scott I see next to me.

Then I wonder if I should do it on my own. I could go to a clinic, order designer sperm and be a single mom. I roll over and bury my face in the pillow, fighting the urge to scream. What I should be doing is getting my life together, not imagining ways I could bring a child into this shit show.

A light knock taps on the guest room door. “Come in,” I say with my face still smooshed into the pillow.

“Harlow, you really need to come out and eat something.”

I roll over and hug the pillow close to my chest. What I need to do is go home. Somewhere I can wallow in peace without people who push me to take care of myself.

“I’m not hungry,” I mumble.

Wren sits down next to me. “I know what it feels like to be lost and feel like everything is over. Maybe you need to talk to Scott and hear his side of things. I just find it hard to believe he’d cheat on you.”

“You saw the video,” I remind her.

She nods. “I did, and Donovan told me some things you haven’t wanted to hear. He believes Scott.”

My phone is full of text messages and voicemails from him. He’s been trying to talk to me for days, but I keep rejecting his calls.

“Let’s say I believe him, then what?” I ask her.

Her forehead scrunches together. “I’m confused. If you believe him, you move on. Everyone has a past, Harlow.”

“But, he’s a baseball player.” To me this is an obvious road block, but Wren looks at me with sympathy, not agreement.

“He’s not Nando.”

“I know he’s not, but the temptation will always be there. Women throw themselves at them. Especially talented players like Scott. He’s young and handsome. At some point there’s going to be a woman he can’t resist. Someone who will be able to give him things I won’t be able to. Why put myself through that?”

“Do you not know how amazing you are? You’re stunning, Harlow. And you look a decade younger than you are. It’s not like you’re going to turn into an old woman overnight. Women live longer than men anyway.”

“I don’t want to live that life again. Waiting for the season to end, for him to come back from road trips and wondering if the next trip is the one where he succumbs to temptation. And, I want a family. It’s not fair of me to push that on him now, but I don’t have years to wait.”

Her face falls. “Then you have to let him go. For both your sakes. He loves you, and I know you love him, but love isn’t always enough to build a life on.”

My heart cracks, because she’s given voice to all the fears I’ve been trying to ignore. In a way, not talking to Scott was my attempt to hold on to at least the idea of us for a little while longer. I know what I’ve got to do, and I hate it.

“I think it’s time for me to go home,” I tell her.

She shakes her head. “I don’t think it’s safe.”

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